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This is a question Cheap Tat

OneEyedMonster remindes us about the crap you can buy in pound shops: "Batteries that lasted about an hour and then died. A screwdriver with a loose handle so I couldn't turn the damn screw, and a tape measure which wasn't at all accurate."

Similarly, my neighbour bought a lawnmower from Argos that was so cheap the wheels didn't go round, it sort of skidded over the grass whilst gently back-combing it.

What's the cheapest, most useless crap you've bought?

(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 7:26)
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Young Chickenlady the snob - Cheapest EVER wedding
Back in my late teens/early twenties I dated a chap who received a wedding invitation from one of the guys he'd been at college with.

We went out and purchased a lovely china vase from one of the department stores in town - you can never have too many vases in my opinion. It was the ideal wedding present for someone I didn't know at all and my then bf knew only slightly.

The weeks rolled around and the bf was all set to go on the Stag Night. I was to drop him at the agreed pub (one of the roughest in town...) and then I planned to go home for a quiet night in front of the TV.
Reached the pub and the bf asks me to go in with him for a quick drink - I'd get to meet the groom and the bf would have the opportunity to show me to his mates....

But the pub was empty...except for the groom.

And his bride to be.

So I stayed with the intention of leaving once the best man turned up, as did the bride.

The four of us had a quiet evening.

Skip forward to the following weekend...

The Big Day

The church ceremony was in a small mining village near Dover, a village renowned for its rather 'rough and ready' inhabitants...they all had ASBOs before ASBOs were even invented....

So we go into the tin hut chapel, sit through the ceremony, the bride looked lovely in her dress and the groom looked...well...I never did like those little short jackets that were popular in the 1980s (this was the 90s), especially with red bow ties.

Anyway, at the end of the ceremony the priest begins to talk about how lovely it is to be marrying another sister from the family and how if any more of the family would like to be married there we had all better contribute to the plate now coming round. Nice.

Out we file from the chapel and walk down the street to the Miners' Welfare club. There we find trestle tables had been laid out with tablecloths and the wedding meal - a bit of lettuce, tomato and a chicken drumstick each.

Now the majority of the guests (myself and the bf included) had no problem with this simple wedding meal. The couple were very hard up - they planned to live in a caravan parked on her parents' driveway and neither family had spare cash for a flash wedding.

Unfortunately his father thought that the bride and her family were cheap, common and downright nasty.

So he refused to sit at the top table, instead he joined the rush for a seat with the rest of the guests (no seating plan). He then proceeded to shout loudly that he wasn't going to touch this shit that the bride, her mother and "those two fat bitches of sisters" had prepared for everyone.

Instead he flicked the food around the hall like a badly behaved child while the bride and her family looked increasingly upset.

Soon it came around to cake cutting.

The bride and groom got up and went over to the cake (again made by her mother and sisters) and the two sisters hurriedly took photographs as they cut into it.

All appeared to go well...until five minutes after the cake had been carved up and handed around to the guests a scream went up...from one of the sisters (who, it has to be said looked like larger versions of Selma and Patty from the Simpsons) they had forgotten to put film into the camera.

They cried, the groom's father threw back his head and laughed louder and more manically than I've ever heard someone do before or since.

Shortly afterwards the punch up broke out.

Now...where was the cheap tat?

Well, admittedly the wedding was done on a shoestring simply because they were from a poor family and hadn't the resources for some large fancy do.


The real cheap tat....

The wedding presents.

All piled up by the door, not wrapped, just a pile of gifts...

Useful gifts mind you...

Six washing up bowls

Countless yellow dusters

A mop

Three dustpan and brush sets

Yes, these were the wedding gifts and not the clean up gear waiting in readiness for the end of the party.

How do I know?

Because the vase we had given was in pride of place at the front.
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:04, 14 replies)
I find that story quite moving.
What the hell's happening to me?
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:16, closed)
I got no presents at all
When I got married. Nor did I have any guests or family. THAT's a shoestring wedding.
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:18, closed)
I clicked for the good story, although it made me feel sad! I must be getting too mature for all this.
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:33, closed)
You must have married the shoe to keep it that cheap?

Clady, I have been to a wedding that ended in a punch-up as well, tis never a pretty sight, specially when it causes the bar to shut 2 hours early.

The bride died less than a year later after a car accident.

Well im full of new year joy, sorry all!
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:34, closed)
I'd have smacked the grooms' father...
over the head with something heavy .. if he was that bothered, he could have chipped in some cash!
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:36, closed)
so sad.
but clicked for a moving story!
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:38, closed)
I'm 17 kinds of depressed after reading that
are they still together?
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:41, closed)
Are they still together?
I lost touch with them after the wedding and when I subsequently split up with the bf.

However, a couple of years ago my dad had a stroke and went to a residential place for a few months of rehab. One of the new permanent residents was the groom. He'd developed MS and she'd left him.

Sorry, I know it's incredibly depressing stuff...
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:50, closed)
Glad I'm not alone in finding that quite sad
I went to a wedding a few years ago where hardly anyone invited turned up. Talk about painful - the sight of a handful of people milling around a function room designed for 200 hundred people... *shudder*
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:51, closed)
I need cheering up now.
I think I'll watch Old Yeller... or maybe Leaving Las Vegas.
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 14:55, closed)
Oh me sweet Jesus
I'd click 'I like this', but I really, really don't!
I can see my future being like that :(
Just read the bit about the bloke getting m.s. and the bride leaving him. My missus has already told me that if I end up fat, disabled or dis-figured she probably wouldn't stay with me - and becaus eof my mum's various illnesses I've got a fucking high chance of being disabled by the time I'm 40.
still though, I honestly feel upset by all that stuff in your answer! I need to take up drinking or smoking again... been good for 8 years!
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 19:56, closed)
Their story makes me want to cry.

And their dad makes me want to puke. Honestly, what a dick! At least my dad waited til the next day to complain about how cheap my wedding was.
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 1:05, closed)
Dear god on high.
This gets clicked, as you managed to make something good out of the most depressing story ever.
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 11:54, closed)
thats actually quite sad. shame...
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 16:02, closed)

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