Table manners
"Don't talk with your mouth open", "Ask before leaving the table", "Put your knife and fork together on your plate when you've finished", etc.

Only common-as-fuck people have pretenses of table manners.

If you're sat at my table, I couldn't give a damn what you do as long as you don't a) spill food everywhere or b) do a shit.

But at the same time, I can't stand people who don't sit at the table to eat. If you have a table, use it.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:26, 11 replies)

Well
that's bollocks, go into any decent restaurant and most people there will show good table manners.

Talking with your mouth full of food is pretty grim and putting your knife and fork together tells the waiter you are finished.

And saying excuse me before getting up for a piss is just polite.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:29, closed)

Going for a piss during a meal?!
How common.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:43, closed)

Don't talk with your mouth open?
Mmf mmmm mmmmmf ffff mmmmmm mmmmffff.

Nope, can't do it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:31, closed)

^^ This
Made me squirt coffee through my nose. :-)
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:43, closed)

yeah, the knife and fork thing is useful for letting the waiting people
know you're finished and you want more scoff/booze etc and there is an incremental coefficient regarding their tip if they are savvy enough to twig.

That's just common sense.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:42, closed)

This ^^
I assumed that most table manners were either just polite (ie not talking with a mouthful of food) or to relay a message to the waiting staff (ie turning your water / wine glass upside down to indicate that you don't want any).

Yes, you can take things to extremes, but the basics should really be employed when dining anywhere more sophisticated than KFC.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:57, closed)

yeah fuckit
lets just scrap manners and general politeness altogether shall we?
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:43, closed)

yeah
you cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:49, closed)

fuck off!!
*spits in your general direction*


awww love you really, hard.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:51, closed)

SURPRISE!
*rapessexes*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:57, closed)

its ok
I pushed back anyway ;)
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 13:04, closed)