Pedestrians: A complaint
As a cyclist in London pedestrians are the bane of my life.

Whenever I want to quickly scoot over a pedestrian crossing they just get in the way and generally make a nuisance of themselves.

Whenever I mount the curb to avoid a red light, I end up having to mow down at least two or three of the fuckers.

I was picking blood and bits of flesh out of the treads of my mountain bike for hours yesterday, and that's an unfair waste of a Sunday afternoon.

Small children do make excellent ramps though, so I don't mind them.
( rofl harris, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:10, 28 replies)

You are an absolute cunt
and you deserve to die by being ripped apart by a pack of wild, genetically modified, rabid mongooses with flesh eating spiders for tongues.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:22, closed)

I'm a masochist
all you've succeeded in doing is making me moist.
( rofl harris, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:26, closed)

Should we lez out?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:26, closed)

only if I can bum you with the handles on my mountain bike

( rofl harris, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:28, closed)

mmmMMmmmm...
Spray on Chain Lube.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:40, closed)

You, sir
have been trolled
( applehead herp derp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 23:45, closed)

I would like to see...
The mounting of a jousting stick as mandatory for all cyclists in London.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:29, closed)

Or an electric cattle prod
It might be the only way to make these people learn.
( rofl harris, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:33, closed)

We have similar oop North.
I've twice been very close to murdering some cunt riding at me next to the left-hand carriegeway by simply nudging them a litte into oncoming traffic (to the point I made a little contact in one case). If you attempt to ride at me I will defend myself and I won't move -- so if you feel lucky, ride at me.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:58, closed)

rebel without an engine

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 18:10, closed)

I realise that sounds harsh.
But I am sick of cyclists threatening me with assault by riding at me on busy pavements and expecting me to get out of the way.
I make sure I do not impede the progress of vehicles on the road, but I do not expect te be charged at while I walk and expected to give way.
If I am threatened with bodily harm by being ridden into I will defend myself.
I realise this comes off badly for me -- but I don't see anything unreasonable about wanting to use a pavement on foot.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 18:20, closed)

i was just making a joke :)
i'm a cyclist myself, i ride on the road and obey traffic lights. i hate people riding on the pavements! kids i can forgive, it's not their fault their parents haven't taught them any better, but adults doing it need violating with a bicycle pump
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 18:23, closed)

I agree about the pump...
I've nothing against cyclists, I was one when I was younger and fit, I just get riled by the ones who think they own the road and pavement.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 18:44, closed)

Am I a cunt?
I'm also a cyclist and mostly use roads or designated cycle paths and try to obey all the the rules... There is a cycle path I use regularly with an access/exit point that is one of those high curbs that are about a foot high (don't know why someone decided to end a cycle track with a drop onto a busy road, can only assume they loathe cyclists).
The road that the path leads to is quite busy when I cycle to work, and instead of making a right turn across fast busy traffic to stop on the road to get off my bike and lift it onto the cycle track, I go left into an underpass and go along about 30m of normal path untill it meets the cycle path.
When I do this I go slow and give way to pedestrians, am I still a cunt for using normal paths?
(fearsome mumbler is shit at telling stories, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 19:15, closed)

You should
get off your bike and walk with it. It's only 30m FFS.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 19:32, closed)

quite possibly
walk the bike, then you won't risk hitting anyone in the underpass with it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 19:35, closed)

As mentioned above...
...you should probably walk with it. But it's more important that you don't simply ride at people and expect them to move -- as a lot of cyclists appear to do.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 21:26, closed)

Pedestrians are annoying bastards
I should know, I am one. And they STILL get in the way all the time and stumble around like lemmings.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 18:45, closed)

If I see a rampaging cyclist on the footpath...
I stop, bend down and tie my shoelace, thus forcing people behind me to step round me and effectively block the path of the oncoming mad cyclist.

Works every time. On one such occasion the cyclist even left the footpath, and ... cycled along the empty cycle lane, then remounted the footpath and carried on his merry way. The stupid fucktard.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 21:25, closed)

Oh.
And this also works with those stupid pedestrians who want you to keep swapping sides of the pavement. You know when you move to the right to pass someone, then move to the left to avoid someone else and the next person deliberately moves to the left, expecting you to move to the right again? Last time I did this the person tutted at me as she passed.

Maybe I've been letting this get to me?
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 21:28, closed)

Nah I get pedestrian rage as a pedestrian too
Why do people walk so slowly? Why do they randomly stop in a crowd? Why do they change direction without looking? Why are they so fat I need to reach orbital escape velocity just to get past?!

Grrrr. There should be some kind of aptitude test.
( rofl harris, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:40, closed)

Why...
a mountain bike in London? Surely a road bike would be better? You can hit pedestrians at more speed!!!





*I ride a bike but always give pedestrians the right of way on pavements seeing as they're designed for them...
(Something funny, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 22:50, closed)

well
I also have a road bike, but it's not as effective in mowing down the peds.
( rofl harris, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:15, closed)

Have you seen the state of the roads?
You could go spelunking in some of the pot holes in my area of London, a road bike would be destroyed in seconds.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 17:13, closed)

LOL cyclists are twats LOL

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, closed)

rOfL

(augsav forgot about B3ta, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:04, closed)

I find that cyclists and pedestrians
(Annoying as they are) Are nothing when compared to muppets in supermarkets.
(Rubber Fish is waiting, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:01, closed)

I jump the lights
I jump the lights on my cycle but so do pedestrians ALL the time.
(matola23 Roll Mop Herons, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 15:13, closed)