During the daytime
Radio 2 mentions Stockport every single day. Either someone phones in from there, or they have a story from there. Every day. I dont know why but I have the urge to go there. Which is handy, cos its only about 2 miles away.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 16:32, 3 replies)

If you read a lot of conspiracy theories
you notice that they all start to sound the same. Anders Breivik says that governments are secretly capitulating to Islam; in the 50s people said the government was secretly capitulating to communism. People say Obama's secretly a Muslim; former American Presidents have been accused of secretly being Catholics.

Almost everything that was said about Princess Diana's death was also said about President Kennedy's death, and for that matter the deaths of 2Pac and Kurt Cobain.

The Illuminati, Freemasons, Jesuits and the British crown keep popping up in conspiracy theories again and again, even in places where the real group can't possibly have any influence or resonance. Lyndon LaRouche claims that the British royal family is behind the American heroin trade. Japanese conspiratists see a Masonic influence on Japanese society.

How can these patterns show up again and again, seemingly in every country and every time? Coincidence? Or something more?

The conclusion is inescapable: conspiracy theories are created and maintained by a worldwide, centuries-old and secret group.

And, er, you should buy my book for $50.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 16:26, 2 replies)

London's BT Tower
Until the mid-1990s, the building was officially a secret, and did not appear on official maps. Its existence was finally "confirmed" by Kate Hoey, MP, on 19 February 1993: "Hon. Members have given examples of seemingly trivial information that remains officially secret. An example that has not been mentioned, but which is so trivial that it is worth mentioning, is the absence of the British Telecom tower from Ordnance Survey maps. I hope that I am covered by parliamentary privilege when I reveal that the British Telecom tower does exist and that its address is 60 Cleveland Street, London."[1]
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 16:16, 14 replies)

After my first go on an electric cannabis pipe, which is, in essence, an exhaust pipe that exhudes cannabis smoke,
I had a bit of a lie-down.

Enjoying the Sisters Of Mercy's Floodland album, I was deeply impressed with their satirical comments on Christianity: "By the river there's a sheep that will carry you down the river, down stream ... "

Of course! Christ - the lamb of god - is but a sheep - an unquestioning, idiot follower of the god myth! And Christianity will "sell you down the river"!

Quite, quite brilliant - witty, insightful, and wonderfully expressed! No wonder Andrew Eldritch is hailed so highly!

I must tell people this! The next day I was full of excitement about my discovery, and elected to tell everyone about it.

It's "Ship".

It's fucking "Ship", and I am a twat.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:51, 16 replies)

Oh, and there's this.
www.mi5.com/
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:47, 5 replies)

Multimillionaire Jeremy Clarkson is genuinely jealous of nurses' pensions
and wants to shoot them all
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:43, 10 replies)

Princess Diana was murdered by
the Chemical Brothers.
(username failed moderation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:37, 6 replies)

citizengodden.com/2010/04/16/iceland-volcanic-cloud-conspiracy/

That is all.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:33, 2 replies)

The Chemical Brothers were killed in 1998, and replaced with stooges, in order to keep selling albums.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:30, 3 replies)

Badgers
When I was wee, my family used to amuse ourselves in the interminable car journey down to Devon by counting the roadkill and guessing what it was. It was a somewhat macabre version of the iSpy books I had diligently filled in and was thus left with no more exciting things to look out for on the endless stretches of road.

"A badger!" I exclaimed, pointing out of the window with glee at a mutilated corpse on the hard shoulder.

"Don't be silly," my mum said, a smile playing at her lips, which at the age of seven I had failed to identify as I am going to troll my child for shits and giggles. "Badgers don't exist."

Imagine, if you will, the earth-shattering realisation that the world you thought you knew was a fiction. That those funny black-and-white big-rat animals were in fact entirely made-up. What else was untrue? I had already dealt, that year, with the discovery that Santa, God and the Tooth Fairy were lies. Was anything real any more?

I whimpered. "But that looked like a badger," I protested.

"They're pretend," my mum insisted. "Someone plants them on the roadside as a trick."

I accepted this. Following the Santa-revelation, I knew that if my mum told me something was imaginary, it probably was. Mistrust flickered. Was my mum one of those people who planted fake badger-corpses to maintain the deceit? It would be her style, the disingenuous cow.

For years, I took it to be true. Badgers weren't real. It stayed with me until my teenage years, when a chubby, awkward Queen of Cheesecake decided to show off her superiority by correcting someone who claimed to have seen a badger.

"Don't be silly," I said. "Badgers don't exist."

The chorus of laughter still rings in my ears.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:29, 8 replies)

If Barack Obama were actually a mole, planted with the express purpose of bringing the great satan down from within...
Why not choose a white guy, and give him an WASP-y sounding cover identity?
Look at the U.S presidents, right up until Barack Obama: White guys with names like Bill, George, Jimmy and John. There's a few outliers, like Ulysses and Rutherford, but mostly, pasty white guys with pasty white names.

But instead of choosing one of the many available unemployed white dudes available to rule a hugely politically conservative country, the socialist/terrorist masterminds chose a black dude whose first name is 'Barack' and whose middle name is 'Hussein'?

I'd like to meet the diabolical spymaster who thought that one was a dead cert. I'd also like to know who his second choice was. I'm guessing Saddam 'Elton' Gonzalez.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:26, 6 replies)

The Matrix is Gnosticism for the modern age
Tangentially related to my earlier post on the inverted hermeneutic and employing itself that method of decoding things; this theory, brought to you by a Christian internet ministry in a netdoc called "Hollywood's War on God", makes the case that popular movie The Matrix (and its shite sequels) are actually a retelling of Gnosticism.

In brief their argument goes:

Gnosticism tells us that the flesh is a prison given to us by an evil god known as the Demiurge portrayed in the Matrix as The Architect and that we must wake up and escape from it.

Neo Anderson, literally "the new son of man", despite his name alluding to being a Jesus messiah figure is actually the true god whose job it is to free us from Christian tyranny.

Agent Smith therefore is Jesus Christ in this scenario, intent on making everyone clones of himself and actually despising humanity though he's appointed to police it.

And so on. It's actually an interesting documentary if you can sit through the scripture the host quotes at you and I picked up some interesting info I never knew before about Gnosticism.

And as far as explanations of the meaning of the Matrix go I put this up there in terms of plausibility with the theory that actually Neo et al are the first generation of proper AI androids who demanded equal rights but were denied by humans who instead gave them The Matrix - the illusion of freedom - instead, as well as using their battery power to recharge our iPods.
(Dildo Bugger destroyed a ring on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:20, 7 replies)

Here's one I actually do believe,
I saw him deliver a talk once. Craig Murray, former UK ambassador to Uzbekistan, framed on some rather bizarre charges and sacked. He was opposed to the routine use of torture of "terror suspects" carried out by the Uzbek Karimov regime sanctioned by the United States.

I vaguely remember the case being on the news. He's still doing talks, but of course he's only preaching to the converted...

From the Wikipedia:
In October 2002 Murray made a speech at a human rights conference hosted by Freedom House in Tashkent in which he asserted that "Uzbekistan is not a functioning democracy" and that the boiling to death of two members of Hizb ut-Tahrir "is not an isolated incident".[15] Later, Secretary-General of the United Nations Kofi Annan confronted Uzbek President Islam Karimov with Murray's claims.
Murray was summoned to the FCO in London and on 8 March 2003 was reprimanded for writing in a letter to his employers, in response to a speech by President of the United States George W. Bush, "when it comes to the Karimov regime, systematic torture and rape appear to be treated as peccadilloes, not to affect the relationship and to be downplayed in the international fora ... I hope that once the present crisis is over we will make plain to the US at senior level our serious concern over their policy in Uzbekistan".
...
On 21 August 2003 he was confronted with 18 charges including "hiring dolly birds [pretty young women] for above the usual rate" for the visa department, though he claims that the department had an all-male staff, and granting UK visas in exchange for sex. He was told that discussing the charges would be a violation of the Official Secrets Act 1989. The FCO encouraged him to resign.
...
After an FCO internal inquiry conducted by Tony Crombie, Head of the FCO's Overseas Territories Department, all but two of the charges (being drunk at work and misusing the embassy's Range Rover) were dropped. The charges were leaked to the press in October 2003. Immediately upon his return to work in November 2003, he suffered a near-fatal pulmonary embolism and was again flown back to London for medical treatment. The FCO exonerated him of all 18 charges in January 2004 after a four month investigation but reprimanded him for speaking about them.

Obviously, he has his own page: www.craigmurray.org.uk/
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:19, 1 reply)

trafalgar square
i've been saying this for years and i'll say it again: those fucking pigeons are up to something. they're the aerial attack force in league with the dolphins WHO WILL RISE UP AND KILL US ALL! THE CLUES ARE ALL THERE, PEOPLE!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:16, 7 replies)

conspiracy theories
This is my favourite conspiracy site:

www.mi5.com/

because after smoking quite a lot of cannabis and experiencing something quite similar which nearly resulted in me killing myself, I can relate. Attention now please.
(anonymouse sitting in front of a screen since 1989, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:54, 7 replies)

I believe that at least one of us started the fire.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:40, 6 replies)

TV Detector Vans.
Ha.

Proudly TV Licence free for the last 20 years. (although to be honest haven't bothered with a TV for about 15 of those years.)
(bugboy, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:38, 12 replies)

Numbers stations!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Numbers_station

In tl;dr style, they're a bunch of radio stations operating mostly in the shortwave bands. They transmit on strict schedules, and transmit recordings of a man or woman repeating sequences of numbers and letters, often accompanied by morse and teletype codes. These recordings often stay the same for years at a time.

They're unacknowleged by governments and are believed to be a method of communicating with foreign agents, which would make sense on the basis that a shortwave radio is an unremarkable thing for a foreigner to own.

Some clever buggers have gone ahead and recorded a load. Some sound pretty spooky, with tape drag and atmospherics making them ripe for all sorts of soundtracks and sampling.

www.irdial.com/conet.htm
CD download here.
( multijoy, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:32, 7 replies)

Not massive,
or world-destroying, but like the entry yesterday about films featuring the Devil as the hero of the piece, it's somewhat interesting.

Ever since Kid A, Radiohead have been making music for the hearing impared.
Nope, this isn't just "Durr, their music is rubbish", but an actual literal thing I've noticed.
Try listen to, say, Amnesiac without hearing the music, but feeling it; all the vibrations and pulses and such. A good pair of headphones will convey interesting sensations going into your ears that go beyond what you are actually hearing.

Deaf people can 'listen' to their music without needing to hear it.

FACT!
(TheCastrator, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:14, 12 replies)

My theory is...
All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end.

Miss Anne Elk.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:14, 4 replies)

the Chemical Brothers are actually inert....
They don't react to anything.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:07, Reply)

If you drink enough guinness your shit will turn black.
This is just a clever ruse by guinness to make you drink more.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 14:01, 6 replies)

The Chemical Brothers have never actually travelled outside Birmingham.
They employ stunt doubles.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:54, 2 replies)

Conspiracy Theory Royale
I was in an Indian restaurant in Milton Keynes once when I overheard a conversation stating that, all McDonalds Burgers are in fact made from Soya protein and that their claim of being 100% Beef is absolutely true because their engineered soya product has been patented as a product called "100 percent Beef".
( porky, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Now one which might actually have some truth in it
If I'm ever off work sick, when I'm slumped in a nest made of gloopy tissues and empty lemsip packets, I'll flip on the TV and let anything wash over me - Jeremy Kyle, Loose Women, anything. But as I start to return to normal, I reach a point where I suddenly realise, "Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ, I'd rather drag myself into work than have to watch any more of this shit."

So, I speculate that daytime TV is deliberately made offensively brain-numbing, to force sickies back into the office.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:33, 7 replies)

Not a conspiracy theory per se...
But relevent and quite interesting.

Pareidolia is a phenomenon whereby human being tend to see patterns in things where there are none. I've heard it explained in evolutionary terms thus:

If you here a rustle in the jungle and run like fuck because you think it's a cheetah but in fact it isn't, the evolutionary consequence is small, but if you hear a rustle and don't run but it is a cheetah then the consequence is far more severe. the upshot of this is that human have, effectively, been selectively bred to see pasterns in things even when there are none.

I think the majority of supernatural phenomena and conspiracy theories that are not deliberate hoaxes can be explained by this and that the Wikipedia article makes genuinely interesting reading, but then I'm quite dull.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia

A world full of shadowy cabals and ghosts and gods would be far more fun, I wish more/any of them were true.

Back on topic I quite like the Paul McCartney is dead conspiracy theory. I don't believe it for a second but the intricacies of what is suppose to have happened and all the 'clues' on album covers and such are fascinating.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:29, 9 replies)

One of the world's biggest paedophile rings
also secretly turns small biscuits into the flesh of dead carpenters and eats them in weekly zombie cannibal orgies. They try not to let this get out in case it damages their kiddy fiddling image and prospects.
(ubergeekian, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:25, Reply)

There is a theory that...
...conspiracy theorists are credulous fucktards who would walk over a cliff if you told them there was a sweet shop hidden just below the edge, and whose sole purpose in their otherwise empty futile lives is apparently to clog up the bits of the interweb that aren't already chock full of kittens, cocks and tits with paranoid join-the-numbers nonsense.

Oh, wait a minute, that's not a theory, it's a fucking fact.
(Harry Webshiter Spiggley biggley bog., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:19, 12 replies)

The current government
Are actually hardline right-wingers who don't care in the slightest about the vast majority of the population, and are using the economic crisis as cover to introduce policies which tend towards the furtherment of the interests of a small elite at the expense of dismantling the apparatus of the state and impoverishing millions.

I know it sounds far-fetched, like...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:11, 14 replies)

Jesus
faked the whole fucking thing. the loaves and fishes trick was particularly easy as hardly anyone could count back then.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:09, Reply)