One good turn...
The missus and I do try to be good Samaritans. We were out having a pootle in Cumbria when I spied an old fella laying on the ground, legs akimbo; with his shopping and stick splayed across the path onto the verge.

I leapt from the car (it had stopped by this stage of course) and hurriedly trotted over to the supine senior, "Hello sir, is everything allright there? Are you in need of assistance?!" I cried...

"No, I'm just picking up grass."

I headed back to the car, confused.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Mon 16 May 2011, 21:22, 9 replies)

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conf aro
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 16 May 2011, 22:38, closed)

That's gonna take far too long to figure out
I'll just assume it's mildly amusing and leave it at that
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Tue 17 May 2011, 0:03, closed)

It wasn't.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:15, closed)

3 minutes of my life
I'll never see again...
( snee held his breath since, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:14, closed)

Nonono!
It's LOVELY, may I keep it?!
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Tue 17 May 2011, 6:22, closed)

Maybe he was just being really sarcastic as if to say
what does it LOOK like I'm fucking doing???
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Tue 17 May 2011, 19:35, closed)

Michael, Michael, Michael...
As I walked those long, lonely steps back to the car I have to admit that is one of the scenarios that was playing out in my mind. Another was that elderly gents often fling their shopping, walking sticks and self to the verge before beginning the onerous task of picking up stray grass.

However, being sarky meant he was left there, sprawled, instead of getting a comfy lift home with all of his shopping. In effect, not only did he kill the conversation; but he also chopped off his own nose to spite his own face.

Or he was doing a very good, very committed job of picking up grass and simply didn't want to stop.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Wed 18 May 2011, 6:20, closed)

the last guy I did that to was a smack head who had just slit his wrists. Imagine my face when his smack head mate with no legs came across the road about 10 minutes later in a wheel chair saying "watch the blood laaaa, watch the blood laaaaa" as his bloody arm dripped and ran all over mine as I held it in the air. mmmmm wont be doing that again.
(Peno Lives In a Coal Bunker, Wed 18 May 2011, 15:56, closed)

I was totally convinced that 'shopping and stick' was rhyming slang, but not sure what for. I'd like to keep thinking so if you don't mind.
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Wed 18 May 2011, 17:44, closed)