Bicycles
I bought an expensive mountain bike recently, the ones with the suspension to make them comfy, rather than the ones I grew up with, which had seats designed to make your cock go numb. They're still fucking shit.

As far as I could work out it seems to be some sort of rain-generating device that ensures that no matter the state of the weather on setting out on your journey, by the time you get where you are going you are wetter than an otters arse. They also have other weather-controlling properties; no matter what direction you are going in, it will whip up a gale going in the other direction, making cycling only marginally faster than walking but far more fucking unpleasant. Fucking seriously. It's something to do with living near the coast and the direction of the wind in the morning vs the evenings.

Finally they attract every scally with a bolt-cutter for miles, so the damn thing was stolen after a few weeks of cycling anyway, in order to be resold the following day by the same bastard shop to the next stupid bastard, so it works out far cheaper to just get cabs everywhere and you still have money left over for daily croissants. Fucking bikes. Fuck 'em.
(cutofyourjib, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 11:10, 16 replies)

As someone who had his new bike stolen only last weekend
I feel your pain.

My worst bike-related investment was a mountain bike with front and rear suspension, except it was just far enough to the wrong side of cheapness that the rear spring absorbed at least half of your pedalling power. It was like riding a pedalo through custard.
( .Yeti., Fri 30 Sep 2011, 11:20, closed)

Mine currently does this.
I don't mind too much, though, because it means when I buy a decent one I should be stronger on it.

Also, my bike got me very wet yesterday, but only because I was daft enough to cycle through a ford at 20mph...
( Legionary - My god, Brian, there's a message in my alphabets, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 13:06, closed)

You get a click
for the otters arse analogy.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 12:13, closed)

I have two full high end full suspension mountain bikes
And I agree with every single word of this.

*click*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 30 Sep 2011, 12:17, closed)

Last weekend I managed to get my frame covered in dogshit...
...not to mention suffering two punctures in my dogshit encrusted rear tyre. Then I broke the lockout lever on my suspension fork.

And then I managed to lose the joining link in my chain.

I gave up and went to the pub instead.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 30 Sep 2011, 13:29, closed)

What's with mountain bikes?
Buy a road bike and go thrash up some hills.
(skgorsky, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 12:48, closed)

Unless you plan on doing some serious downhilling,
suspension on a bike is an utter waste. Particularly rear suspension, as it just absorbs power from your pedalling, to make you bob up and down.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 13:18, closed)

That's what I used to think...
...before I bought my first full suss.

If you've tried a DW Link bike or a Quad Link then they tend to stiffen the suspension under pedalling. Older Horst-Link bikes do bob a little, but since the advent of pedal platform damping some eight or so years ago, the low frequency bobbing motion gets filtered out.

There's a vast difference between a low end Halfrauds type full suss and a premium bike.

/nerd
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 30 Sep 2011, 13:26, closed)

Unfortunately you still need to spend
the thick end of two grand to get a decent full suss bike. Anything below that is ropy kit.

You can get a very decent front suspension MTB for ~600 though.

Oh, also - for Jib - the suspension is not to be comfortable while pootling along. It's to keep your wheels in contact with the ground while you're bombing down a rutted stony hillside, so you don't die (as much). You still need to actively stop your cock and arse from going numb.
( Fronds are waving gently on, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 13:35, closed)

That's true
But you don't have to buy current year kit. I saved myself £1300 by buying a 2009 bike instead of a 2010 bike last year.

If you buy a full suss for bridleway tootling then it's a bit like popping to the shops for a pint of milk in a Unimog.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 30 Sep 2011, 13:44, closed)

Yeah, it was just a front suspension bike, and I do - or did - cycle on a pretty bumpy riverside path to get to and from work, not on a road. I won't be replacing it.
(cutofyourjib, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 14:58, closed)

*Coughs*
The notion that a full suss is useless on anything other than a full on DH course has been bugging me. Certainly I know which I prefer riding all day epics on, so I did some research. Cross country full suss bikes have come a very long way since the late 1990s:

Answer
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 3 Oct 2011, 17:07, closed)

My elbows and knees still function.
I can't see that adding extra complication/expense to my bike will help in any way.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 20:14, closed)

Have you ridden a full suss then?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 6 Oct 2011, 10:03, closed)

You don't need full sus...
If you're doing less than caning it down the kinds of hills where you spend more time in the air than on the ground.

You don't even need front sus if you're just riding to work.

Waste of money and energy.
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 13:20, closed)

Shame you lost your bike, but
I hope it was resold to someone who is less of a pussy about cycling in the rain.
(BellaBella, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 14:02, closed)