Printworks tickets.
Entered a competition a couple of years ago to win some "VIP" tickets for the opening of the new "Printworks" complex in Manchester, full of pubs, restaurants, bars and a cinema. After getting there, we realised that "VIP" was a big fucking lie. Fucking tons and tons of people (coupla thousand I reckon) crammed into an area in front of it whilst some idiot local radio DJ talked bollocks, then Lionel Fucking Ritchie played a few songs, then finally, we all got sheperded in. Nearly everything was closed, apart from one chicken restaurant that gave out free greasy chicken wings, and after about 5 minutes, we were all sheperded out again.

It was fucking shit.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 12:35, Reply)

When I was 9ish
I won a box of chocolates in the school fete's tombola. They were over 5 years out of date. They were supposed to have liqueur centres but they'd dried out and collapsed into little heaps.

I ate them all anyway with no ill-effects. Mmm, (dessicated) chocolate...
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 12:30, Reply)

Kinda won-ish
Its not something I won, really, but you'll understand..

Most people dont know that airports are allowed to auction off any unclaimed luggage left on their carousel after a certain amount of time, something like 18 months. However, they are not allowed to open the luggage, unless they believe it poses a security risk. So once in a while, a group of specially invited rich people (and scruffy me, who knew someone whose mum worked there) attend a dinner and a raffle where they auction off all the left luggage and give the proceeds to some charity or other.

As you can imagine, its quite good fun - its the nosiest thing you can do, looking through someone elses luggage y'see, so generally the women love it (not trying to be sexist, its just true). Generally though, there is nothing amazingly interesting - clothes, sun cream; things most people take on holiday, but it really is quite fascinating looking through other peoples things.. Most of these go for a decent sum (hundred quid or so), cause its charity and even if worse comes to worse you still get a (slightly dusty) suitcase.

Anyway, I was there, and cause I was a bit pissed decided to bid.. I waited for a battered looking one to come up and bid thirty quid, fully expecting someone to outbid me. However, they must have all been busy rutting their sister or something at the time, 'cause I only went and won it!

"Wooo!" Thought I. "I've gone and got myself a suitcase full of treasure. Its probably got gold and diamonds and crowns and treasure maps in." Looking back, I might have been slightly optimistic.. But you know how it is - something that you do is bound to be luckier than others...

Anyway, the time of collection came along - I went and paid my money and picked up the blue, slightly knackered suitcase/bag-thing.

It was lighter than I expected, but then again, I've never picked up a bag full of gold, so it was fine.

Got it home - broke the lock on it.. Pretty excited by now, as you might expect.. Opened it up.. Peered inside, wondering about the fortune it contained, and it was....









Absolutely fuck all.

Some !CUNT! had bothered to bring back an empty suitcase, and then clearly just thought "What the fuck am I doing? I'll just leave it here, for some happy-go-lucky, jovial chap to spend thirty of his hard-earned pounds on, while I am non the wiser somewhere else in the world."

I was fucking gutted.

No riches. No treasure trove.
F-U-C-K A-L-L.

I've never forgiven this random stranger. If you ever meet someone who said, "I once left an empty suitcase at Bristol airport. Ha-ha-ha." Can you go whoops-upside-his-head for me please, and ask for, nay demand, thirty pounds.

Thanks B3ta. Its been cathartic. I might let it go now. Maybe even give a quid or two to charity again.

Edit: Oh, just previewed that and its far too long. Never mind - its work time, and im getting paid, and you almost certainly are too.
(grr_boy, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 12:22, Reply)

In our teens this kid used to hang around.
He was quite a bit younger than us and a lot smaller but he was very sharp and frequently made us laugh. I remember the time he challenged a mate to a "softest punch competition". He let the other guy go first and, slightly bemused, this guy hit him very gentley. The young guy them punched him as hard as he could, already shouting "You win! You win!"
(Garnett, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 12:16, Reply)

Cubs and Tombola
I won three badges in Cubs prize draw. They were the badges for a different cub scout group so I couldn't even sew them onto my jumper. Completely useless!

When I was 10 I had many goes at the tombola in the local school fun day. I lost so many times they gave me a consolation prize of some bath salts.

More recently I won a prize draw on a music website. My prize? A Dub Pistols album (crap) a t-shirt (too small) and a mouse mat (the print wore off)

To my knowledge the only good thing I ever won was two tickets to see Mercury Rev and I couldn't even remember entering the competition.
( beefandcheese, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 12:15, Reply)

at the b3ta valentines bash in 2004
despite not actually winning any of the wonderful things on offer in the normal sense, i managed to persuade our ginger führer to let me have the tombola bucket, which was a tweenies rubbish bin.
i STILL have it (although it resides in my little brother's bedroom), and in true drunken fashion i even walked home with it on my head, in the rain.
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 12:11, Reply)

In school las year
my physics teacher kept a bag of mouldy Harry-bows in his drawer...so everytime christmas or easter came and it was quiz time, the person who won got to choose one of the 'yummy' Harry-bows to eat...more like melt on the bunsen burners, now thats yummy!
(Tormentedpuffin bleughhhhh, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:58, Reply)

Not me exactly
but my granny enters absolutely every competitions she can and gives away the prizes she gets.
Here are a few examples:

- the best one she got was a great mountain bike with loads of gears and stuff. She asked my uncle if he wanted it, he said he already had one thank you very much. Then she asked my auntie, she said no thank you, so my granny asked my cousin who said yes thank you very much. The proposal never went down to my Dad (who's the youngest of my granny's kids).

- She gives us GOLD she wins every year, and as she's living in the past a bit, she thinks it's worth a lot, but 5 grams gold is not even worth a tenner...

- Books about bears and where they live and eat and shag: when you're 15, sorry but you don't give the slightest shite

- Book holder for the crappy books

- Hand made dollies that scare the shit out of me (have you seen the eyes on them??? Have you?)
( liverbird, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:55, Reply)

manchester tombola
oh and my mother teaches in a school in a rather gruesome part of manchester.

every christmas they have a school fete and all the children's families give donations as prizes for the raffle, tombola and other festive goodness.

until one year a little girl turned up clutching something. clearly desperate to contribute, she'd taken the bar of soap from the family bathroom. used, cracked and grey. with a nice glistening pube coiled neatly in the middle.

that did not go on the stall as the star prize...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:54, Reply)

My parents went to New York on September 11th 2001
and all I got back was a Bloody t-shirt...
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:54, Reply)

sibling rivalry
my brother is 2 years younger than me. when we were little, our older half brother used to play us off against each other quite brilliantly.

"the first one to make me a cup of tea/fetch my book downstairs/get me a sandwich/scratch my back wins a prize!" he'd say.

cue me and my brother shoving, scrambling and generally stapling things to each other's heads in order to rush to him with the sandwich or other item clutched tightly in our sweaty little paws.

the prize?

"PRIDE," he'd announce proudly.

pride? stupidity more like. and we fell for it. every. single. time...

beat that for a truly shit "prize"!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:50, Reply)

A Bottle of Bells Whisky....
...at a raffle when I was 8. My Dad whisked it out of my hand before I could sniff the label. Git.

I also won a box of 'fondant fancies' once. God they are grim.

I soon learned not to enter shit raffles in the first place.
( B00gle-H00ps Looks like a horse, in a man costume..., Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:50, Reply)

I once won a competition in CRASH magazine
and I still have the signed oil painting based on the Speccy game "Sacred Armour of Antirad".

Er, somewhere.
(Bounce, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:49, Reply)

pot noodle
horn- and those bloody free bags of chrisps things in the blue wraper-and when ur in a crispy mood with no hard cash corner shops and shit pub dont accept them- damd
(ev1lted ill bring dead hookers, you bring plastic bags, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:48, Reply)

Once I
was an avid reader of this website and all I got was a crappy t-shirt.
(myohmy, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:48, Reply)

Tat Compo!
At our annual village fete, we have a competition to find out who can win the worst possible prize from any of the tombola stalls.

Afetr a few libations in the beer tent, we split up and meet back with our crap:

3rd place: A tube of toothpaste. Opened.

Runner Up: A plastic palm tree, two inches high, from Tracy Island (apparently).

Winner: A washbag from a British Airways flight (given out free FFS!), that was missing the toothpaste (lucky we won some), the socks and the shaving kit.
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:47, Reply)

Grab A Grot
Me and my sidekick, Denty, used to often go out on the pull in Manchester. When I say often I mean every night except Thursdays and Sundays (my poor liver) and one of our ways to keep ourselves amused was to pick a type of bird that we intended to pull that night. As usual, the prize was a pint. We'd pick blondes, redheads, black-girls, hippies, rockers, disco-chicks - basically the rule was you had to trap off with whatever that nights target was.

This one night the target was brunettes. We had a few beers while trawling through our favourite hunting grounds before eventually ending up heading for the "Swinging Sporran" - our favourite rock bar. As we were getting served with more wife-beater we got into conversation with a lovely brunette at the bar. It was obvious that she fancied both if us (or rather was too pissed to give a fuck who she shagged) so me and Denty were competing with each other for her attention. After a while Denty pulled me aside and said:

"Fuck this mate - life's too short to argue over a tart. Let's forget her and have a grab-a-grot night instead, Bet you a pint that I can pull a bigger horror than you can. Meet you back here at 1 o'clock - may the best man win"

And so the competition was on. The night wore on and at at 1am I headed back to meet Denty with my prize. I'd picked up a fat, wall-eyed spastic (one leg shorter than the other) with a squint. There might have been a hunch as well but the details are lost in the mists of time. I got to our meeting place and, as I lay back against a wall with this grunter clawing at my knackers, Denty turned up with his arm around gorgeous brunette from earlier and handed me a pint.

"Looks like you won mate" he grinned.

I hit him.

Still banged the monster in the car-park though. Waste not want not. Then again I was
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:47, Reply)

Dragon boat festival
We won.. We totally whooped ASS!!! and the entire crew won a tip to Oslo!! COOOL!!!!

We could even choose the dates!!!

So long as.... it was during the week. In September.
Food, living etc were NOT included... only the ferry-ticket was provided... BASTARDS!!
not only would it cost is upwards of 2000kr to survive in the totally EXPENSIVE Oslo for 2 days and a night, but we'd loose shed-loads on pay too!!

The entire team refused the prize, and we sent one representative to the prize givving with a lump of steel. "Here you go. Here's a car as a token of our appreciation... oh.. and you have to pay someone to make INTO the car for you"
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:46, Reply)

I won a 25-year old scottish whisky in a tombola when I was 11
but they swapped the numbers round with a fucking Panda Pops because I didn't have a parent with me...
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:42, Reply)

I may have already won!!!!
I got a call today saying that I have been randomly selected out of millions of people to win a special prize and all I have to do is call them up to find out what it is!!!!

I am so exited I might just crap my pants!
(Minty Hit, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:37, Reply)

6th or something
I was having a battle with my mate to see who was fastest on a computer, we did not know what to have as a prize. Never the less we sat, poised, waiting for a new QOTW - the one who got an answer in first would have the coveted prize of FIRST and would have got his metaphorical towel on the metaphorical sunbed. Anyway the competition was won by Humpty, and he got a bonus prize of a sarky Mod Edit!


That will be me somewhere off front page this week then.....
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:33, Reply)

do i win a crappy prize?
for being first

or fourth. bugger

the only thing i've actually won is a teddy in a raffle. other than that i've won nothing. ever. not even herpes from a ex-gf :(
(5lab, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:32, Reply)

Damn Subject!
Well i have ammassed quite a few crappy prizes in my time, theres always going to be the classic goldfish in a bag from the circus folk, the pen from the lucky dip at school. But i'll tell ya the crappiest prize i've ever won was......

a key


Yes a key thats right! I couldnt have imagined a more exciting prize when i was 12 at the tombola in the church hall. Except all the wine and money and ooooo I wanted that Game boy so much.........

When i asked the old bat calling the numbers out what the key was for she just said to me like I was a 5 year old,

"Thats the key to happiness dear you should be very glad you've won that!"

I told her to stick her bloody key.........

IT DIDN'T EVEN OPEN ANYTHING!
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:32, Reply)

erm
ok, damn second,

When I was tiny, maybe 6 or 7, i entered a knockout Scalextrix competetion and all was good. Some how i muddled through the heats into the final, which i ended up winning.

cue general happiness expecting to get a new set or at the very least some track or a car (all scalextrix)

until the prizes were handed out...

drum roll please

FREE ENTRY TO THE NEXT COMPETITION
(Bored, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:32, Reply)

Position Reserved By Towel
Zis prize sun-loungink Chair is mine!!

******************************

Mod Edit:
Ok Humpty, so you're first. Can we have a story too?

Humpty Edit:
Now That's Crappy. :o(

(look UP 5 posts)
It was MEANT to be a joke about getting the "coveted first post" as a crappy prize, and having a little bonus-dig at the Infamous-German-sunbed-reservers.... but this just takes the biscuit. :'(

Mod Edit:
Whoah. We're just getting bored of the first n posts being placeholders for when people get around to posting something. Sorry for not seeing your ironic posting :) Delete all this crap.

Humpty Edit:
No probs Mod... though I think I'll leave this chat as a message to others: I too find the Race for first place to be a bore. The best posts are always on page 3 anyway!! ;o)

Apologies for length and for it coming in short bursts!!!
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 4 Aug 2005, 11:32, Reply)