My first encounter with chillies
Ma0sm's Gaylord curry house story reminded me of my very first encounter with chillies. This took place in the strange alien world that was the 1970s, when we thought that curry was yellow stew with currants in it, and "spicy food" meant a bit of pepper sprinkled on top. Since I was about 9 years old at the time, I had probably never eaten anything hotter than a ginger nut.

I was a latchkey kid, and alone in the house after school. Mooching around for something to do, I played with the pet guinea pig for a while, then started picking out the sunflower seeds from its food - tasty and nutritious! Now, it turns out that sensitivity to capsaicin is not universal, and presumably guinea pigs are immune to it. I discovered this when I chomped down on a seed that had a small piece of red vegetable attached to it - which turned out to be dried (and hence concentrated) chilli pepper.

Very quickly the heat started. I had no idea what it was, and started to panic. It burned more than anything I'd ever experienced - maybe because I was young and tender. That often makes things burn, especially the first time. Apparently.

I started to run about, flapping my arms in panic, and moaning like a moose being buggered by Bigfoot. Desperately I tried to find a way to stop the searing pain. I quickly discovered that drinking water didn't help, as we all know, and I was beginning to think I'd spontaneously combust at any moment, as the heat continued to build and build, and my lips got redder and redder. I was panting like I was giving birth to triplets, and my eyes were bulging like Rubber Arnie at the end of Total Recall.

Finally, I had a brainwave: I lunged at the freezer, wrenched open the door, thrust my head in, and buried my face and tongue in the ice that had built up on the shelf. In my memory there were great gouts of hissing steam at this point, though that's probably just the effect of watching too many cartoons. Whatever, the ice was having an effect, and I slumped down, half inside the freezer, thankful that, as long as I kept my head buried amongst the frozen peas and arctic roll, I may actually survive the ordeal.

It was of course at that exact moment that my mum came in from work...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 15:48, 13 replies)

This
I like.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 15:58, closed)

"like a moose being buggered by Bigfoot"
Hahahahaha
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 17:22, closed)

I like this, because before I read it, I was thinking about my first encounter with chillies.
It was at school , and five of us managed to get dried chilli in our eyes. I was thinking of posting about it, but couldn't be bothered, but thinking about it made me think of yellow stew with currents in it, and how I would have to bring it up to show that back then we had no idea what a chilli was.

Whatever happened to what I call English curry? I suppose chip shop curry sauce is sort of similar, but it's not yellow enough and doesn't have enough fruit.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 17:46, closed)

Coronation chicken?
I remember my dad making curries from leftover Sunday roasts, that'd be heavy on the sultanas, but light on any sort of sauce.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 18:08, closed)

Is piccalilli remotely similar?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 18:20, closed)

That was an attempt to replicate Indian pickles, was it not?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 20:21, closed)

Yes,
but it's yellow and has fruit in it, and I'm clutching at straws here.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 21:06, closed)

No, it was always bright yellow,
and contained chicken,carrots, peas, sultanas and sometimes apple or potatoes. The taste was bland with the slightest hint of curry powder. It disappeared in the mid 80's. I suppose it was around the time Indian restaurants and takeaways and the crappy jars of curry sauce a la Sharwoods started appearing.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 21:50, closed)

Piccalilli hasn't disappeared...
I bought my dad a trio of piccalillis from fortnums as a stocking filler only last Christmas. He said they were ok, ESP the chilli one, but not as good as (frankly terrifying neon yellow) branstons one in his cupboard (probably expiring in 2004. Dad "doesn't believe" in best before dates).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Aug 2014, 7:02, closed)

Fortnums is great
for stocking fillers, and day to day groceries, but unnecessary really when Claridges will be able to provide most of the bits you need.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 12 Aug 2014, 13:25, closed)

Best Before dates are being abolished
...as too many people confuse them with "Use By", and ditch perfectly good food.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 12 Aug 2014, 16:56, closed)

and lest we forget, the Vesta chow mein with it's fry-to-make-fluffy 'noodles'
that you could break a tooth on if you were unwary!
( da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 19:01, closed)

Haha yes I toyed with mentioning Vesta curries
God they were rank. And I really, really want one right now.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 12 Aug 2014, 11:12, closed)