
I once devised a totally foolproof cunning plan to attract the attention of bikini-clad women, which - as you might imagine - failed miserably. Ever come up with a cunning plan for something? Did it work? What went wrong? Do you look back through the filter of the years with a burning sense of shame?
Suggested by Ring of Fire
( , Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:57)
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There's a really really easy method of conning at the Pic n Mix counters, if you're as cunning as a cunning fox who went to cunning university like me.
Choose a cinema where the pic n mix has something blocking it from the till's line-of-sight.
Go in with your friend in a polyester tracksuit, and slightly fill a bag, go for about £1.50 worth of sweets. Go to the till (alone!) and pay. Then, walk back to your friend (with your hand down your pants) and fill a much larger bag (i've got away with probably about £9 worth of chavvy shoplifting before) before depositing a couple of large items into the small bag, just enough for about 50g worth.
At this point, your chavvy friend should approach the counter, with the SMALL bag (that has already been paid for) and pay again. The difference should be enough to allay suspicion, as long as the large bag stays by the sweets.
And, voila! Mucho SHOPLIFTED free sweets!
Got me through transformers, and I still sweets left at the end! My mums still dead though :(
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 9:51, 63 replies)

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 9:53, closed)

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 9:58, closed)

only the other week you were congratulating your old man at what a great job he'd done at bringing you up, when sadly it's pretty obvious that you were dragged up.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:02, closed)

Didn't delete in tears, simply realised that it wasn't an appropriate thing to post, hence the removal.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:05, closed)

You aint twelve you're a mid twenties male, who just manages to make make yourself look stupid at most turns. You're old enough to get your own council flat now, are you suggesting that you shouldn't be allowed on the internet without being accompanied by an adult capable of preventing you looking like an arse?
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:10, closed)

looks around room and points at anyone willing to cast the first stone.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:22, closed)

Sometimes it works, mainly it doesn't, yet you insist on carrying on with it.
I can only come to the conclusion that you have nothing else in your life, and that you are to be pitied, not reviled.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:21, closed)

You've spent years crying about the bigger boys picking on you. You posted a story about shoplifting that had the total of two replies last time, with one in 'support'; on this wave of confirmation you proudly went on the pearoast tip only for several people to take the piss out of you this time. You deleted in tears AND NOW ITS HORRIBLE RORY LYONS FAULT. You're such a loser, no wonder you're a bedsit wanker.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:30, closed)

Do we need to get the cat in the hat bib out for you?
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:32, closed)

Always the same insults, always the same stories, always the same shit.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:35, closed)

I can't think of many others living in a congelton bedsit with a dead mum
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:36, closed)

As I don't live in a bedsit, and I don't live in Congleton.
Then again, why let the truth get in the way of a good dribble?
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:37, closed)

I'll hold my hands up and admit that yes, a few years back I did pinch a few quids worth of sweets. However, balance the few quid worth of sweets vs the cinema ticket, and I'm sure they'll get over it.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:46, closed)

We used to nick stuff from the papershop all the time.
It's what kids do.
Of course it all stopped when they started only allowing 2 of us in at a time. Yup, that really worked well.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:48, closed)

You're now trotting out some jumbled up muddled anarcho lefty shit that you've half heard from Bella that you can't steal from big business because they've already stolen from the little people. You're such a loser.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:52, closed)

You've never met them, you know very little about them, yet everytime you get wound up at me, you insist on mentioning them. It's sad.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:15, closed)

say, he does it because you react to it.
You don't need to respond to him at all. Just read through his posts, you soon get to realise who is the idiot. Just be happy with that, and leave him to it. He'll soon get bored.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:19, closed)

You are entirely correct, I just find it a mystery what in particular he has against me, it's bizarre.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:20, closed)

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:28, closed)

You're an odd one.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:31, closed)

you immediately boarded the grief train from congleton and went posting all about it on the internet. Somebody who you barely knew or ever posted about (and we all know how you like to blog your pitiful life on here) suddenly became the center of your world overnight. You've already milked that one with your dead mum, in case you need reminding. Why not pearoast that tale as well.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:41, closed)

Someone on the Internet doing something to attract attention.
Heaven forbid Rory.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:45, closed)

Fucking hell Rory, you really are pathetic.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:50, closed)

Just how inbred are you you pommie cunts?
Fuck me Rory between you and Agnostic you make Aus. look like a wide brown land of tolerance and acceptance.
Dopey fuckwits.
As Lleytton Hewitt would say - "C'mon!"
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 12:14, closed)

You should feel some affinity with the Irish, they're shit at cricket too.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 12:22, closed)

Might want to look up the history of the Ashes. And take a look at your crying Scots tennis players.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 12:57, closed)

Not one of ours either.He lost, so now he is Scot again and not British. ;)
( , Wed 11 Jul 2012, 16:46, closed)

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:59, closed)

Well done old bean, it shows you are not just a one trick pony of childish taunts and angry denials.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:30, closed)

he pointed out that stealing and then bragging about it is wrong, and that AA is an idiot for thinking otherwise.
unless you support criminals, you should be on his side
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:36, closed)

i saw an episode of the 60s telly show the other day, and for some reason O'Hara and the police SHOT Batman, and I didn't even tune in same Bat-time, same Bat-channel to find out why or whether Batman survived.
I'm assuming he did
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:17, closed)

Why bother ?
Rory doesn't need our help to make himself look like a tit.
But while we're at it, here, you might want to read this...
https://s3.amazonaws.com/yourlogicalfallacyis/pdf/LogicalFallaciesInfographic_A3.pdf
Just in case you ever want to get into an argument and have something to say.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:32, closed)

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:46, closed)

Get your carer to read the longer words and you'll be able to join in conversations with the big people any day now.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:55, closed)

why are there never any mods or police about when you need them? :'(
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:56, closed)

Don't cry.
It's only the internets...
Here, have a kitten.

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 12:18, closed)

well done, duke
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 12:20, closed)

( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:32, closed)

I do like classic internet bullying, if it's done tastefully and the participants rise to every insult while claiming not to be bothered and to pity the bullying party
( , Tue 10 Jul 2012, 22:03, closed)
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