S&M shop
Last time I was in London, I walked past a shop in the environs of Soho that had latex equipment and whips etc in the window. What drew my attention, however, were a few Victorian spanking lithographs that - for reasons of my own - made me ring the bell to get in.

The door buzzed open and and I entered. Inside, I beheld a display of handcuffs, spiked wheels, horse bridles (!) and urethra expanders (!!). There was the usual array of studded leather and latex. But no shop assistant.

I loitered for a while looking at nipple tassles and strap-ons, and then I heard footsteps approaching from beneath. It was the assistant: the gayest man in the world. Whatever it is that tells you a man might be gay, this guy was the original mould. He was wearing a skintight latex tanktop, a leather cap at a jaunty angle and trousers so tight that MY voice got higher. Additionally, he has a sort of insinuating smirk so non-hetero that he made Graham Norton look like Pierce Brosnan.

What truly unnerved me however, were the latex gloves on his hands. The fingertips were stained brown.

I asked about the pictures and he descended to ask the manager. I heard no voices. Then he returned to say that the pictures were just copies and of no intrinsic value. I asked another question and was told that the manager wasn't able to ascend the stairs (followed by a smirk so powerful that it turned coffe into a fruit smoothie in the neighbouring cafe).

I pictured the manager strapped to some kind of rack face down with a ball in his mouth. Then shook the picture from my mind immediately.

Not the customer from Hell, but definitely in the wrong place.
(frankspencer, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:33, 17 replies)

hang on
I thought you weren't going to/weren't allowed to post anymore?

The IT dept. have changed their rules and I suspect it was you, in the server room with the IT guy in a headlock.

BTW, reading 'urethra expanders' made me cross my legs instinctively.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:39, closed)

*shudder*
Ya know, typically you don't get the stinkfinger from bum play because the person in question generally goes to the bathroom first...

As for the urethra expanders- you *really* don't want to Google for the Amazing Ty. What she does with hers will give you the jibblies for a month.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:45, closed)

I reckon
'scotsbloke' of this parish was in there too, tied up, whilst his and his family's bank accounts were being rifled by a a gang of 'porn dealers'...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:50, closed)

Why does this story make me think of Pulp Fiction?
Gulp.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:54, closed)

Victorian spanking lithographs?
Frank....you have my attention.
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:57, closed)

Well then...
Here ya go.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:05, closed)

@ Loon
Please get off the Amazing Ty...she is creepy.

Nice one Frank!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:07, closed)

Creepy
is not the word I would use. Terrifying, perhaps. Grotesque. Horrifying, even. But not creepy.

Any woman who can insert her shoes into an orifice on her body is well past creepy.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:11, closed)

^
Perhaps you have a point. I should have said unique.

I'm starting to think you have a bit of a crush there though...hehehe
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:17, closed)

Had I posted about her before?
I don't recall. Might have, as she's along the lines of goatse in terms of being fun to spring on people.

Oh the other hand, I recommended not looking her up. Remember that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:25, closed)

^
I know you've posted about a freaky-sex woman before that scarred my brain when I looked her up, but it may not be the same one.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:14, closed)

I don't want to click on that link
And after I scarred spimf for life with my reference to Veronica Mozer last week, I don't think I will...

(Seriously, don't Google her. It'll put you off chocolate flapjacks for life).

*realises has just dangled carrot in front of b3ta faithful*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 20:37, closed)

jesus
on a fucking ice cream stick!
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 21:04, closed)

^ mime
Don't tell me you looked..? Or is that just a general comment on frank's post?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 21:48, closed)

The link
is not work safe, but is not Amazing Ty. It's the first result I got when I googled Victorian spanking lithographs.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Sep 2008, 3:10, closed)

^^
I googled, I looked, I regretted.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 8:39, closed)

um...
I googled, I looked, nothing happened?
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 6:59, closed)