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"Do anything good for your birthday?" one of your friendly B3TA moderator team asked in one of those father/son phone calls that last two minutes. "Yep," he said, "Your mum." Tell us about dads, lack of dad and being a dad.

Suggested by bROKEN aRROW

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 11:50)
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The Old Man and the Internet
My Dad never had a computer. He retired before they became commonplace in offices and the whole 'internet' thing simply passed him by, until very recently.

Last year my sister and I decided to get the folks online. We purchased a half-decent PC and sorted a broadband connection.

When everything was setup and working, I sat my 75yr old Dad down for the first time in front of a gleaming, empty Google page and explained how it all worked.

'So I just type what I'm interested in into this section and the computer will give me all the information?' He asked incredulously.

Yup. I replied. It's that simple.

We started with his name. Fortunately it is an unusual name, so the search results were few and surprisingly detailed. We found a family tree published by a US relative, we spent ages on the census online site, we tried looking up his old pals on friendsreunited and watched endless youtube clips of 1950's motor racing (he loves that stuff).

I didn't bother with email or anything like that, just gave him the power of Google and left him with his imagination.

A couple of weeks later, I popped in to say hi - but Dad was on the golf course. So I peeked into his study, the PC was on and the BBC weather page was flickering on the screen. Great, I thought, he's really getting into this, checking the beeb for weather forecasts before he heads out to play a round, he's certainly got the hang of this internet lark, I wonder what else he's been up to...

So I checked out his history.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I have no father.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:32, 12 replies)
oh dear!
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:39, closed)
So he's been hacking into teenagers hotmail accounts and creepily stalking them
I can see why you'd want to disown the oddball fucker
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:40, closed)
He's never going to be forgiven for this is he?
Forgetting Albert's notoriety etc etc...I thought it was a good story, more detail on the type of porn would have been good though...For example, was it this -

(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:48, closed)
QOTW needs Albert, where else will you score Massive Drugs
I for one am glad this is the case: "Stumpy strikes back" was deleted
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:53, closed)
It was from the B3ta newsletter not my personal collection but it was amputee porn, with soft rock ballards playing in the background......
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:08, closed)
I wish it was porn!
(, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:36, closed)
Yes but
just think how your kids will feel when they search your PC and ask you what the hell goatse and 2 girls 1 cup are all about!!
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:46, closed)
My stepdad once regaled me with the story of when he was first looking at the internet, and he typed "steaming, dripping cunts" into Google. Apparently he was shocked at what it came back with.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:10, closed)
Well thats an easy mistake....I do it all the time
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:49, closed)
was it something about /talk in a sauna?

(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 22:39, closed)

"Do you want goats with that?" probably...
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:48, closed)
I had a similar thing on my uncle's PC.
It was nothing but links for animal porn, not normal healthy animal porn with woman and horses, it was just blokes shagging animals.

And given that he was brought up on a farm, I've got a horrible feeling he's reliving past glories.
(, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 22:37, closed)

Send him a link to that bloke being shagged by a horse (apparently he died shortly after)
(, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 1:53, closed)
I believe the search term is "Mr Hands"
(, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 9:23, closed)

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