Desperate TimesStranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.
Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.
What have you done in times of great desperation?
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Oh The Shame….I’m afraid I have to confess that sometimes…in my darkest moments of desperation to get a shag, I have resorted to being a charming, intelligent, funny, good looking bastard with loads of money and a great body…sensitive and warm, but with just that hint of danger that always gets the lovely ladies’ pants moistening like a veritable frenzy.
I have even listened to their problems and complexities, and offered advice when requested. I’ve treated them as an equal, yet been chilvalrous when appropriate.
This usually works to be honest…they seem to like it…then I bang the arse off ‘em.
I have no excuse.
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 10:39,
22 replies)
Don't talk to him ChickenladyJust turn your head in disgust!
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girlinthehole, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:04,
closed)
...is your real name james bond?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:04, closed)
Jacqrus...I can't tell you...it's a government secret.
and chickenlady / BGB - don't feel bad...when it happened to you, I really 'meant it'...I 'felt something'...a 'chemistry'... a 'connection'...you were 'special'...I thought you could be 'the one' etc etc...
*sniggers*
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:26,
closed)
Too many times have I been taken in by this sort of shoddy behaviour from men.
What happened to all the bastards out there?
At least you knew where you were with them...they treated you like crap, gave you the occasional slap, made you pay for everything, were always drunk, overweight and a bit smelly...but at least you knew where you were.
And there was no danger of falling in love with them.
It's true...all men *are* bastards!
Heeheeheeheeheehee
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:34,
closed)
chickenlady....sweet chickenlady....I'm so sorry...I should have respected your feelings more. Why don't you come over to my place and we'll talk about it?
I'll open a bottle of wine and cook you a wonderful meal. You can put your feet up and tell me about your day whilst I give you a sensual massage.
Then when the time for talking is done, I'll carry you gently to the bedroom and take care of your every intimate need. I will hold you all night and stroke your hair while you drift off into a satisfying sleep...and tomorrow we can go shopping and I'll pay for everything...my treat. It's the least you deserve.
sound nice? Got you going? mmmmm?
Ooh actually, second thoughts, bollocks to that. I'll be in the pub tonight watching the England game with my mates...and tomorrow, I'll be watching the Russia game before playing a gig and trying to get into the pants of as many slappers as possible.
Give us a ring next time you get the horn, love.
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:44,
closed)
Hahaha!=D
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:53, closed)
Ooooohhh!You silvertongued thing you!
Will you promise to shag as many slappers as possible behind my back?
And make sure you come in drunk and aggressive from the pub please.
Oh...and what's your number....just so I can live up to my part of the bargain and start to stalk you ;)
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:53,
closed)
It's a deal!Even a stalker shag is better than a 'quick one off the wrist' all day long...and at least I'll always know where you are...and that you fall for my honeydripping...
Just one more thing...what's your policy on menage a trois?
(Are you listening BGB?)
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 11:58,
closed)
Threesomes...Absolutely!
Providing it's another bloke ;)
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 12:02,
closed)
Shaddap!This is a public forum! Stop giving away our secrets, you traitor! *Dope Slap*
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The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 12:06,
closed)
No problem!...providing I'm not 'violated in any way'
...and as long as I'm the one facing the telly.
(I know it's only a friendly, but it's still England, after all)
...and there'd be somebody to finish you off when I'm 'spent'
(another win win for Pooflake)
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 12:10,
closed)
OW!That hurt, TRL!
So by that I take it you wouldn't be interested in being one piece of bread in a chickenlady sandwich?
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 12:13,
closed)
Hmmmm...well, I wouldn't say that...
Okay, I'm in. You want the top side of her or the bottom?
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The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 12:17,
closed)
TRLShall we toss for it?
Or even toss her?
Heads I win..tails...erm...I win.
and so do you.
(remember though, every now and again we have to do the speech about her 'not just being a piece of meat' before we 'high five' over her back)
;)
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 12:22,
closed)
I tell you what!How about chickenlady and I just go off and do our own sweet thing and leave you tossers alone.!!!!
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girlinthehole, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 14:48,
closed)
BGBDid I mention you could borrow my camcorder any time you like?
(Just thought I'd say)
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 15:15,
closed)
Oh dear godI go out for a few hours and things just degenerate.....
I missed it!
Oh, and PF - you're getting violated ;)
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 15:46,
closed)
I feel likeI've just come across "Carry On B3ta."
Oh wait! "Come across"! Pfft!
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 16:26, closed)
C'mon girlsLet's leave these two gazing into each others eyes and go off to find some "real " men.
Where's Scary and Legless?
Just kidding, guys, we love you...
(, Sat 17 Nov 2007, 8:08, closed)
"and a great body"How the fuck do you do that from your normal potato-like status? Cosmo's "Drop A Dress Size By Sunday" Diet?
(, Sat 17 Nov 2007, 8:58, closed)
EBDThere's a lot to be said for taking a deep breath and holding your gut in...
Besides, in keeping with the 'Carry On B3ta' theme...there's only one part of a man's body you're really interested in...
fnarr...eh?...eh?
*Sid James laugh*
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Sun 18 Nov 2007, 17:49,
closed)
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