The last 2 years. (Warning: emo, and some of it I've said before)
Although it's not really a disappointment if you go into something expecting it to be shit. That's more of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Am I successful in the way the illusory 'real world' defines success? No. I still live with my parents, am a virgin at nearly 23 and never had a real relationship, no social life, £13K in debt, have been on happy pills, have quit a job due to cracking up, now have a job with no contract where I could be gotten rid of at a moment's notice, have no plan for my life, still get the anxiety, tiredness and general 'low' that I have had for the past 2 years for very little good reason.

Am I successful in my own definition? I can't really say, as right now I don't have much of a definition to go on. I'm not happy though, and I can't see how the next 50 years with less freedom than I've had before are going to change that.

2 years ago to the day, I was in my room in college for the last night having graduated earlier that day. Boiling hot day it was. Spent the day either trying to cry or trying not to cry, I'm not sure which. Mentally counting the remaining pills in my 'first aid' box. Noting that they were only fucking paracetamol, and in any case I lacked the customary bottle of vodka or scotch. My preferred description is that graduation was like going to my own funeral. As I've said before, I found leaving painful and still haven't moved on. I'm crap with moving on.

Out of 24 months:
About 6 spent in full-time employment
A few weeks spent in part-time employment
5-6 months on the dole
The rest doing close to fuck all.

What do I want? The only answer I have worth putting here is an impossible dream of going back, with the one person I miss most of all. And I'd rather sit here stewing than be part of the 'real world' I mention above because I don't know how. (Aspergers doesn't help with that.) Yeah, it sounds sad. Baaaaaaawwwww, call the waaaaahmbulance. I know that, it's still how I feel.

Length? No complaints, but no positive reviews either.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 0:53, 30 replies)

You make me feel really happy about my life.
All of the things you've listed are things that aren't problems in my life! The only issue I have is a car that doesn't start properly but that's easily fixed.

You'll always be siht.

Have you tried throwing yourself off a bridge with your self diagnosed aspergers?
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:04, closed)

Not self diagnosed.
Diagnosed by an educational psychologist at age 7.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:06, closed)

Makes a fucking change
Perhaps reassessment would be good though. Just in case.
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:08, closed)

I didn't realise that Asperger's was a physical manifestation of anything
But hey, technicalities!

And '...nickname', don't keep down. Some people's lives change for the better at a much later age. And one day, you may even be rathen's boss ;)
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:08, closed)

Cheer up.

( hexachordal la la la la la, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:10, closed)

"general 'low' that I have had for the past 2 years for very little good reason."
"I still live with my parents, am a virgin at nearly 23 and never had a real relationship, no social life, £13K in debt, have been on happy pills, have quit a job due to cracking up, now have a job with no contract where I could be gotten rid of at a moment's notice, have no plan for my life"

Maybe the reason?
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:11, closed)

Oh man!
Rathen, I am having car trouble too. What to do? The battery drains within a week if I leave the car in the garage. A terrible situation to be sure.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:12, closed)

Well after it's all said and done.
At least you have your health.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:13, closed)

Dave Trouser:
The only thing to do is cry about it. It's SO DISAPPOINTING :(
( hexachordal la la la la la, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:15, closed)

Dave Trouser
That sounds awful. There are support groups though buddy so if you get really low try one of those. It's going to be a dark few days ahead of me but if I can get those cancerous glowplugs fixed I may just pull through.
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:18, closed)

@Sammi:
Aspergers isn't a physical disability. It's related to autism, it's about how the mind works.

@Pickle: I meant reasons that other people would consider worth making a fuss about. Most people grow out of emo whinings as a teenager, and as I'm sure people will point out, there are worse things such as famine and war.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:20, closed)

@nickname
I know exactly what Aspergers is. I was relating to rathen's 'jump off a bridge with your .. aspergers' as though it was a rock or a pair of concrete slippers
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:21, closed)

They are reasons
Get a decent job, move out, meet a nice person, have sexy fun times.

Sorted.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:23, closed)

Still it could be worse - you could be a vir... oh.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 1:25, closed)

Nickname:
You forgot CONQUEST and DEATH.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 2:10, closed)

Actually, Asperger's is a physical disability.
That, and all other Autistic Spectrum Disorders, are developmental disorders caused by a basic brain malfunction that allows some parts of the brain to develop abnormally at the expense of others.

And, from the point of view of somebody who suffers from one of the rarer ASDs (hyperlexia, if you're interested): it's not fucking funny. We are basically the only disabled people in the western world who cannot get any kind of recognition or sympathy for our disability. I've been on the receiving end of prejudice for my entire life because of my inability to use body language properly, meaning that I come across as "weird" or "creepy". Even people I know who work with autistic children treat me like a freak.

And does the NHS give a fuck? Do they bollocks.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 3:43, closed)

Don't give up mac.....
I went to university to change my life as much as anything else seen as i was pretty much a social zero at the time. Since starting uni, I fell in love for the first time, got turned down by her, found out she was going out with some royal buttlord (who dumped her 3 times btw) fast forward a year I approached her again, we got together but the relationship fell apart after about 2 to 3 months (said she was having doubts, possibly due to the way she's been treated before but I won't expand on that as I'm sworn to secrecy) After each of these 2 events I was stricken with soul-crushing depression myself to the extent that I was in incredible pain both physically and psychologically every waking moment of my life, but I haven't given up (to quote Naruto: "It's my way of the Ninja!" :D) and look for another time to approach her, spurred on by the visions of how things could be if I succeed in winning her heart. After reading that know this: the light of hope can be found anywhere, so don't give up.
(Howling_Mad Gave God the finger on:, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 8:40, closed)

To all the kids in this post.
Fuck you. No seriously, fuck you.

I've lost a few good friends to suicide after trying to deal their whole lives with something that is "completely in their heads". I've lost another good friend to anorexia. Clearly you have your nice little privileged lives in which you have never been party to mental issues.

Shut the fuck up and go back to your nasty little hole.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 12:04, closed)

fuck u Madam Marlboro
Madam Marlboro, fuck you, if you had a soul or any sense of humanity, u woulve tried to help your so-called friends, i hope u die painfully
(Howling_Mad Gave God the finger on:, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 12:45, closed)

Most people with disabilities
I know, have a sense of humour about it. Maybe that's the first step to approaching "normality". If not, then apologies for the suggestion. I meant no offence.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 12:45, closed)

Madam Marlboro
Perhaps if you weren't such a fucking bore your friends would have enjoyed your company rather than topping themselves
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:55, closed)

Join the army.
If they don't make it any better, you'll probably get shot.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:02, closed)

@Howling Mad
You think it's really that easy?

A great number of people who are depressed keep it to themselves, and downplay it in front of those who do know about it.

So don't think someone's heartless because they didn't help, it's never that easy.

EDIT: @Rathen - Grow the fuck up
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:44, closed)

Christ what a bunch of twats in here.
Seriously. Do you people know nothing at all about mental disorders? Do you really think that people with depression, autism, schizophrenia and so forth live that way out of choice?

And as for the little shitstain who told MM her friends were topping themselves because of her: do us all a favor, right now, and go get yourself castrated and/or a radical hysterectomy, whichever is most applicable. You should not breed, ever.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:38, closed)

@ the nasty ones
I can't believe anyone on the B3ta board would write such things. I had a very close friend who tried to kill herself and I only found out months later when her boyfriend told me. The reason I didn't know is because she lies. A lot. She refuses to talk about it even now and makes out that everything is fine. She's a very good actress, even I can't tell when she's lying. But the shock and pain of finding out she'd tried to end her life without me even noticing anything was wrong is the only thing that stops me from going along with her pretence.

How dare you say it is Madam Marlboro's fault. How fucking dare you. We all joke pretty close to the line sometimes but I can't find any humour in what you've written. Words don't cover it, you should be utterly ashamed.

But I know you won't be.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:49, closed)

** CLAPS LOON & KITTY **
Agree with you guys whole-heartedly. I thought I'd clicked the wrong link and was reading some you-tube comments then.

Depression, self confidence & Image problems and all the shit that goes with it really isnt a laughing matter. I say that not as someone who has gone through it myself but as someone who has spent the last 4 years proping up and helping my (now-ex) girlfriend with her issues.

I'm not going to go into too much detail here but it stops being funny very quickly when you have to intervine several times to stop someone close to you ending their life because they dont feel they deserve to be alive.

Cunts of the highest order around here at the moment.
(The_Mighty_Spleen, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:02, closed)

Welcome to b3ta you fucking bedwetters.
Go take more happy pills and try to convince yourselves that ITS NOT YOU, IT'S EVERYONE ELSE.

Sensitive cunts.
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:53, closed)

*clicks*
in the hope that somewhere, somehow, he has brought Rathen one step closer to suicide.
(Axeman Jim, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 1:14, closed)

@Axeman Jim
d'ya not think that's wallowing in the mire with the bottom feeders you are villifying?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 10:47, closed)

Ladies and Gentlemen
Please do not feed the troll
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 10:59, closed)