I was very disappointed at the age of 23
to discover that I didn't have Asperger's, nor any other ASD.

As I ploughed throught the medical literature, I became more and more convinced that my lack of social skills, dismal inability to interact with the opposite sex, lack of friends, obsession with statistics and useless facts, sporadic bouts of depression and inability to read body language would all be solved, or at least excused, by this magic label called "Aspergers".

Turns out I was just a geek who needed to make some fucking effort and sort my life out.

So I did. At 23, following a severe depressive episode, it struck me that I could either kill myself or sort out all the various things in my life that made me so depressed. I launched 'Operation Axeman Jim', aiming, within 12 months to:
*Lose my virginity
*Lose three stone
*Get a job
*Move out of my parents' house.

And I did.

I still don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are the closest and best mates someone could have. I don't move in the usual social circles, but seeing as those circles are full of twunts I'm not losing anything much. I came to realise that the reason I wasn't picking up on the rules of conventional social interaction was not that I was an 'Aspie', but because I thought those rules were bullshit and I was ignoring them (they are bullshit, incidentally). If someone wants me to follow some merry dance to be accepted into their shitty clique, then they're not worth my time.

About two years ago, my mum showed me a report written about me by a child psychologist when I was about 9. Basically, it said "Jim is one of the most intelligent children we have ever seen, but, as is common with gifted children, some aspects of his development, particularly emotional and social skills, are severely delayed. Jim will find it difficult to form social bonds with other children, and will most likely suffer from emotional problems, including depression. His emotional and social development may not catch up to his intellectual development until his mid-twenties."

Everything in that report turned out to be almost spookily accurate. I just wish I'd seen it when I was 15. It would have made my life easier to have some understanding of what was going on and why everyone hated me so much.

So, what lessons can be learned?

1 - Unless diagnosed by a competent medical professional, your "Aspergers" may just be residual (if severe) teenage awkwardness, especially if you are of above-average intelligence. I have worked alongside three genuine "Aspies" (including my boss) and there is a lot more to the condition than just being crap with women.

2 - Even if you do have Aspergers, depression, bi-polar or anything else, it's just like a physical disability - you can let it dominate your life, or you can accept it and pursue your goals in life. Regardless of any condition you may have (and I still have bouts of depression), you are still responsible for your own actions. If you want to have a label take the blame for all your bad decisions or lack of motivation, you won't get anywhere. This comes not just from my own experience, but from my ex-girlfriend, who enjoyed being "Bi-Polar" as it got her attention and sympathy, and so refused to seek any treatment, and deliberately wrecked her life (quitting jobs, selling her stuff for next to nothing) so that she'd have something to get really depressed about and get more sympathy.

3 - My three autistic friends are a Policeman, a Sysadmin and a millionaire entrepreneur. All I'm saying is that you won't find them calling the waaahmbulance on the internet.

I have nothing but sympathy for those who genuinely have ASD, as I know the suffering it can inflict. But equally I have nothing but contempt for those that sit in front of their computers all day, whining that they don't have a life or any social skills. Which are you? I'm no psychologist, and I'm certainly not going to be so presumptuous as to offer any opinions on those who have posted in this qotw on the subject. But I suspect that if you take a good, long, look at yourself, you may be able to answer that question on your own.
(Axeman Jim, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:56, 24 replies)

Go you
I like you're style. Problem, solution, happy days. Big up to you, you big geeky geek. (From one to another)

*Toddles off to chemistry set*
(Neostenine's maker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

Well
As a total geek, how else was I going to approach the problem than as a Project Management exercise?

EDIT: I just realised that, short of putting in the "Executive Summary, Introduction, Background, Analysis, Conclusions, Recommendations" sub-headings, there's not much more I could have done to structure the OP like a software engineering report. Oh well...
(Axeman Jim, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

More of this!

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:14, closed)

wow!
i have to admire your courage. I'm really happy for you that you have managed to achieve your goals.

good luck to ya

and remember if you dont keep at it... your virginity will grow back
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

Rock on, Jim
Sage words - my ex is diabetic. This is a terrible shame and has caused her problems, including some pretty serious ones - but to hear her you'd think she had no arms and legs.

She blames this condition (and me) for everything she dislikes about herself and her life and frankly uses it as an excuse.

Good on you mate for an eloquent and honest appraisal. Oh, and have this: 'click'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

*click*
This resonates with me. I spent a couple of years convinced that my awkwardness, lack of social skills and depressive episodes was some sort of undiagnosed Aspergers-like condition. In the end, over a 6 month period I moved house, got a new job, gained the current Mrs North and forced myself into some social situations which would not be a big deal to most people, but terrified the life out of me at the time. Getting shagged probably made the most difference.

There are people who genuinely need medical help for their conditions but a little bit of responsibility for your own well-being can go a long way.
(I Was a Teenage Spaceship, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)

I can see
so much that was me.

Taking control of ones' own life, or at least taking responsibility for it does work well for a lot of people.
Looks like you effectively did your own CBT.

The "bullshit rules" bit almost got a cheer (shitty clique did!), from my point of view much of it is fake or basically a more sophisticated version of playground behaviour, to establish hierarchy.
We are still primates, even if we have shiny possessions, pretensions and egos, and it shows.

Whinging on the internet (or indeed courting pity/sympathy elsewhere) isn't usually an attempt to get better, rather exploiting a label to get attention.

Serious Therapy is that, serious. Much of it is about having a long clear look at the Self, what happened and where to go next.

Sympathy is often a game.

However, there are a lot of ill people who work hard to overcome nightmarish problems and still suffer

Thanks for posting.
( FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)

Well said sir!
*applauds*

*and clicks*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:52, closed)

well put.
i'm rather lucky in that i have 2 distinct sides to my personality. the first side is geeky, reclusive, lazy, scruffy and chocolate-loving.
the second side is funny, wild, party animal, opportunistic tart and enthusiastic trainee alcoholic.
i love both sides of my personality as they each give me great pleasure in their own way.

EMBRACE YOUR INNER GEEK!!!


sorry, i've had lots of sugar today ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)

Isn't this just a........
Snipe at people on this QOTW that have mentioned they think they have some kind of undiagnosed aspie variation?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)

im clicking this for two reasons
1) way to go.

2) Every time I see your b3taname I think Earthworm Jim, sing the theme tune and laugh to myself!
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:05, closed)

@TDW
No. Read the last para again. I mean it.

@ Halfy

Best. Cartoon. Ever. (Except maybe Dangermouse)
(Axeman Jim, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:08, closed)

Hell yes!

(Halfy By light alone, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

great answer
well said that man
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 17:38, closed)

Well exactly.
I'm an Asperger's 'sufferer' myself, and even though it does affect me, I get on with my life. I don't use it as an excuse for anything, and it mystifies me that anyone would.
( Bats, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 17:54, closed)

Indeed.
I could probably be seen as one of those mentioned in paragraph 2, but I certainly dont court sympathy and attention, quite the opposite in fact, I strenuously avoid it as much as possible.

So far as your sympathy/contempt allocation is concerned, well that's your prerogative of course - and I totally agree with you about the whiners and snivellers. However, not all of us whine. Although I have every admiration for those who do, not all of us are strong enough to battle all our lives, leading us to take the "easy" option.

Perhaps rather than contempt for people who "sit in front of their computers all day" (who are not all whiners) people could be a little more understanding, accepting or even just plain indifferent (the latter being the preferable option in my case) - after all, we have no idea what there has been in that person's life to lead them to that situation, and are we certain they deserve scorn for it?

Well said on the rest, however - there are a lot of people who will draw strength and benefit from the attitude of people like you - lets hope they find more of your ilk in the world, although I rather feel that people like Rathen are more likely. One can only hope not.
(Freakmandu, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 19:27, closed)

.
"I came to realise that the reason I wasn't picking up on the rules of conventional social interaction was not that I was an 'Aspie', but because I thought those rules were bullshit and I was ignoring them (they are bullshit, incidentally)."

THIS!

"EMBRACE YOUR INNER GEEK!!!"

Also THIS!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 0:33, closed)

@freakmandu
Just to clear something up - I've got no problem with people who sit in front of the computer all day - in fact that's a pretty accurate description of me. However, I do object somewhat to the ones who whine about it - if you are upset about the lack of social interaction in your life, then get out of the house and quit wasting my bandwidth. If however, you're (like me) happy and comfortable to be a nerdy, nerdy geek with extra geek on the side, and wish to discuss winning strategies for Galactic Civilizations 2 with me, then join my club.

I feel a bit embarrased about one or two of the posts above. I don't consider myself in any way courageous or an example to anyone. I think you guys have to understand that at the beginning of "Operation Axeman Jim" I was quite serious about suicide - I figured that if Op Axeman Jim went wrong I could always kill myself later. I felt I had nothing to lose. So what I did was not an act of courage but one of desperation. Though I'm happy if anyone finds that inspiring in whatever way they see fit. I guess you can be a spectacular geek and still be happy and fulfilled, and maybe that would have been a good message to me about four years ago when things looked pretty black.

You just need to think of your life logically, I guess.
(Axeman Jim, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 0:41, closed)

Ahh
In that case, I agree with you wholeheartedly - whiners are annoying.
(Freakmandu, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 1:58, closed)

Awesome post
I like.

Likewise was attempt to diagnose me with Cyclo-Psychothingummybobby when I was about 15.

Turned out I was just a bit of a ladypart at the time, with similar social failings.

I now embrace my inner geek. Anyone up for setting up a geek pride march through London? Okay, no, you're right. Through Second Life.
( prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 11:10, closed)

@ igor
i'll head up the gondor contingent
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:58, closed)

what is the difference
between a somewhat aspergers-ish individual (SAI) who has managed to adapt and integrate into society; and one who hasn't (yet).

I imagine the first sort of SAI is perhaps moderately pleased with themself; and the other probably frustrated and depressed.

Let's all harangue (I quote: "contempt", "whining") the second class SAI for their lack of confidence and annoyingly poor social skills shall we? I mean, that will _really_ help their social skills. And their confidence. Whether they have ASD, SAI, or a large collection of rusty screws.

In short -- your last para sounded a bit "I'm not $THING -ist, but...".


@axe (below) I believe you missed my point -- I'm utterly indifferent to the reason for the sub-optimal behaviour. I'm pointing out that your contempt serves no purpose other than to make you feel smug (or so it seems). It doesn't help anyone (failing) to master their situation. You chose to use the words "contempt" and "whining" -- that's hardly the best choice of language for advice.

So you made the big step and got better. Good for you. Will others, hiding behind their computers, find your contempt for their "whining" helpful?
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 13:23, closed)

Err....
No.

Somewhat Aspergers-Ish?? Congratulations on creating what is perhaps the stupidest label yet. If I'm a bit slow on the uptake, that doesn't make me Somewhat Downs-Ish. If I need glasses that doesn't make me Somewhat Blind-Ish.

Autism my friend is something you have or you haven't. Delayed development of social skills is something entirely different. Sitting on the internet whining that you have the former when you have the latter is self-betrayal (not to mention insulting to people who really do have ASD) and it certainly won't help you. Advising such people to get out there and start practicing social skills may seem harsh, but it's the only thing that's going to help, however scary it might seem.

So I'm not Aspergers-ist. Neither am I racist. But I dislike white people who pretend to be black because they think it's cool, and I dislike people who prefer to think they have ASD than deal with their own problems - especially when they whine about it.
(Axeman Jim, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 14:53, closed)

@haberman (edit)
I'm only giving an honest appraisal of how I feel. I'm not a brave or courageous person - quite the opposite, in fact.

It seems, from some of the responses above that, yes, some people do find what I have to say inspiring in some way. That is, to some extent, a surprise to me, but it does reinforce my point: in order to solve whatever problem you may have you first have to identify it, and taking the easy option, of saying you have a medical condition when you don't, is only betraying yourself in the long run.

Yes, that's a difficult thing to take, and it was certainly a hard thing for me to take (hence it is relevant for this qotw). But there comes a point where indulgence and self-pity lose their value, and you have to face some harsh truths. I'm not smug, I have a lot of shit to deal with and I'm unhappy with my life in many ways. But the first step to identifying the solution is identifying the problem. Without that you have no hope. So whilst it may seem harsh, facing some harsh realities for many people (such as me about 4 years back) is the only way forward.

No-one ever said this shit was easy. Life isn't fair, there is no God and the only person who is truly looking out for you is you. If that upsets someone then it's all the better in the long term. There's always a way out, no matter how bad things seem, but it almost certainly won't be the easy way.

Harsh, maybe, but true.
(Axeman Jim, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 3:12, closed)