Late late late
I read last week’s QOTW late yesterday and laughed a lot. But I was also slightly regretful that I didn’t have an amusing shit story to tell of my own. Oh, how I regret that now.

This morning, after I had dropped the kids off to the pool, one of them still appeared to be stuck to my arse. So I wiped, and looked (of course) and oh my god what my christ is that.

It was a fucking worm. A tapeworm. It’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. It’s about 3 inches long, with a sucker on the end that’s about the size of a smartie (a brown one, obviously). I’ve been having some tummy trouble recently but I didn’t suspect this.

The internet suggests that it’s a beef tapeworm, probably from eating uncooked meat. I live in the middle of one of the biggest cattle herds in the world. I also like eating rare steak, and even steak tartare on occasion. There may be some connection.

As soon as I finish work I am off to the doctor to get pumped full of drugs to kill the beast that has been living inside of me for god knows how long. Please forgive me for sharing, but I’m in something of a state of shock, and I can’t tell anyone except anonymous strangers on the internet. (Wouldn’t you take the piss out of someone who’s got another species living inside of their colon? Me too.)

Apparently most doctors in North America go through their career without seeing a tapeworm. I am fully expecting to be bent over a bed while every doctor in the place is invited to come and prod around in my unusual bum.

The worst bit? My (long-distance) girlfriend is coming to visit next week. I like cooking for her, but am terrified I am going to somehow infect her. Therefore, I’m probably going to wash my hands so thoroughly and repeatedly before I touch her that she’s going to think I think she's dirty, or that I have developed OCD.

If anyone wants I’ll take a photo of the worm and post it.

EDIT: Sorry, no photo. The doc sent the worm away for testing and wouldn't let me keep it. But if any more comes out, you'll all be the first to know...
(silencer, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 21:59, 11 replies)

did you pull it out?
or just push it back in?
(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Fri 4 Apr 2008, 22:16, closed)

Photo
I want
(Stevie Ruggling, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 0:26, closed)

Yeah what Foulkesy said
Did you wait for it to do what it was doing and go back home?
I'd have got hold of the fecker.
But anyway - photo photo!
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 0:43, closed)

photo photo photo
now
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 1:10, closed)

absolutely!
a photo is required evidence of your truthfulness!

Are you trying to loose any weight? in which case I wouldn't get it seen to until it's digested enough calories that you otherwise would have eaten. Once you get down to your ideal weight this is how you kill the tapeworm (no harsh chemicals required)

1. for 5 days stick a hard boiled egg up your bum, wait 2 minutes, then push a nice cookie/biscuit up there.
2. on the 6th day get a friend to help, take two bricks. Push the hardboiled egg up the chute but this time have your friend wait with the two bricks. After 2 1/2 mins when the tape worm sticks his head (scolex) out and enquires as to the whereabouts of his cookie the friend smashes the bastards head between the two bricks.

howzat!
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 2:40, closed)

Photo photo photo
Nice!
(I grew it myself, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 9:18, closed)

Keep it as a pet.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Sat 5 Apr 2008, 9:34, closed)

I absolutley demand a photo

(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 12:18, closed)

Well,
It came off when I wiped, so no push or pull dilemma occurred (but I think I would have pulled. I don't want this inside me.)

I should have taken a photo then, but it didn't occur to me unfortunately. I was more worrying why my life had turned into Tremors 4: the Revenge. Bah.
(silencer, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 18:11, closed)

"Are you trying to loose any weight? in which case I wouldn't get it seen to until it's digested enough calories that you otherwise would have eaten. "
No no NO!

"If a person is already infected with tapeworm, there is the possibility that even minute particles of their faeces - containing the tapeworm eggs - can contaminate their hands, food or utensils. They are then at high risk of swallowing the eggs. In addition, infected people can transfer eggs to others through food preparation or by intimate contact.

Once the eggs are ingested, the tapeworm larvae hatch, penetrate blood vessels and can reach any organ, including muscles, the brain, the eyes and the spinal cord. Eventually, hard cysts form around the larvae. Pressure from the cysts, together with degenerative changes in the tissue around them, can cause headaches, seizures, paralysis, blindness and even death."

www.mrc.ac.za/mrcnews/july2005/tapeworms.htm
(Musuko, Wed 9 Apr 2008, 13:05, closed)

@Musuko
A la first episode of House ^_^
( catness, Wed 9 Apr 2008, 20:11, closed)