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This is a question Dodgy boozers

Just a vagabond writes, "I once had a guy in a pub shout completely out of the blue at me 'OI! BIG NOSE!' and then ask coyly 'Fancy a fight?'"

Tell us stories of the dodgy boozers you've been to, and what happened.

(, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:32)
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you can visit sydney and see the coathanger, but to really appreciate the true racist redneck wonderland of australia, you've got to go bush
I was hitching from Melbourne to Perth and was stopped in Port Augusta, a nothing town on the edge of the scrub. I went for a beer to the local and it was like I'd walked into a secure facility for the criminally insane. Corrugated steel plates covered the floor, the walls, and the bar, which was behind a wire fence. There were no seats, and no tables but the bar.
There was no one else about. I ordered a beer and the barmaid asked pointedly "wouldn't you be more comfortable in the lounge bar next door?", and "Are you sure you don't want to come next door?"
I said I was fine and had a schooner of West End, a beer of exceptional bland shitness found only in that state. I'd walked into the "Abo bar". The furnishings such as they were, had the twin function of not being breakable and easy to hose down. I stuck around until after a few of the brothers came in and we had a chat, more to prove a point that I found them better company than the fucking lounge bar's dying white pensioners, than to slake my thirst. Not that it made much difference
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 3:03, 25 replies)
" but to really appreciate the true racist redneck wonderland of australia, you've got to go bush"
Really? I've met more than enough of them in the UK. Always banging on about how great 'straylya is. But NEVER fucking off back there.*

EDIT: Had to search for the quote from an ex-housemates' rooshagger here: "Yeah man, the problem with them abos is they don't WANT to work, they'd rather sit around all day getting fucked up. It's people like me built Strailya." This quote from a colonial sat in an apartment in Glasgow who worked (VERY) part time in a pub, paying NO rent and was at time of quote sat on the sofa in his pants, drunk, smoking a spliff and playing Metal Gear Solid at around one in the afternoon.

*See also: The fucking Micks. One of the many, many fights I had with a self-proclaimed spud-wog who was born in the SAME FUCKING TOWN as me started like this:
Spudwog Macshouty (In a crap Oirish accent that he was only trying on because he'd seen The fucking Commitments the night before on the telly) Oi'm NOT fucking WELSH! Moi ma was fram Caark an moi Da's fram Dublin!
Me: Yeah, but you were born RIGHT FUCKING HERE in Wales you twat.
Him: I could have been born in a barn, but that wouldn't make me a cow now, would it?
Me: So, what you're saying is that if your PARENTS had been born in barns that WOULD make you a cow. You fucking SPACCA!.
Him: *THUMP!*
I'd like to be all Honda Accord and supermodels here, but on that occasion he beat the shit out of me.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 4:09, closed)
Click for the geneology lesson.

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 9:11, closed)
I didn't know you were Welsh stuj
I'm so sorry
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 10:35, closed)
's alright The LOVELY 2 Can.
I had enough brains to leave the fucking place.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 18:34, closed)

Do Spud-wogs get their own special section of the pub?
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 11:15, closed)
About 75% of the white Australians I've met have been self-satisfied, underachieving racists.
And the closest to the outback I've been is up about the bins with your mum.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 8:03, closed)
That's not true
I know plenty of high-achieving racists
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 10:30, closed)
Fair point.
I should have clarified the other 25%. 2% high-functioning racist, 3% high-functioning non-racist, 20% so low-functioning that any coherent form of bigotry was moot.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 11:20, closed)

Fuck's sake man, our racists are all very well educated, thank you very much.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 12:19, closed)
Then what are they doing over here doing minimum wage bar jobs?

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 12:23, closed)

Impregnating your women.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 13:07, closed)
Your women have dicks?

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 19:03, closed)
No, they don't
You are thinking of Thailand.
(, Wed 12 Feb 2014, 9:38, closed)

Ab Ring
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 8:30, closed)
Had the same experience
Pubs that have a massively restrictive 'dress code' that is only applied to the Black Fellas.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 9:05, closed)
No thongs?

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 9:24, closed)
No thongs, shirts must be worn etc

Unless you were white when you could wear what you like
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 9:43, closed)
Crotchless jeans?

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 10:11, closed)
I'll go check for you.

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 14:16, closed)

It's a great shame the Aboriginal tribes didn't go berserk and drive the First Fleet back into the sea, under a hail of spears and rocks, back in 1788.

We wouldn't have inherited a bastardised version of the sneering superior English attitude towards every other race. Intolerance writ large. Have a look in the mirror.

We wouldn't have a grossly unfair legal system based around the notion that "colonial" Australia was "Terra Nullius", a lush empty country of huge natural resources, proclaimed in 1770 by the English, with no "intelligent life-forms", a legal notion held dear until 1992 for fuck's sake.

We also wouldn't have black pudding, which would be a shame, as I'm rather partial to black pudding, but it must always be served in a separate room to white bread, lest it pollute the purity of the grain.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 12:00, closed)

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 13:58, closed)
No, THIS is a knife!

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 14:18, closed)
You bread and sausage racist.
Go and tell bratwurst on wholemeal to fuck off back to bongoland.
(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 16:32, closed)
Look, all I'm saying is nobody FORCED your ancestors to become criminals.

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 18:38, closed)
And again, replies really should be able to win.

(, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 19:33, closed)

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