Reprehensible

A company I worked at had big night out. A Treasure Hunt through the streets of Croydon followed by a quiz at the final pub in the hunt.

The treasure hunt was a series of clues, each clue leading to another pub where you had to find the next clue. On the way there was a series of challenges that you had to complete, a copy of a certain newspaper dated the day BEFORE the hunt, the most intricate or amusing model built out of McDonalds drinking straws etc, etc.

To say my Boss was competitive would be putting it mildly. He wanted to win this and win this big. So he turned to me.

"You know that week you're having off next month. The week you won't be paid for because you're a contractor?" he asked "Well how would you like to get paid for that week?"

"Err - whatever you want, I'm game" I replied.

"Lee from marketing is setting the quiz and the hunt. Find me those fucking questions, and the route, and we're golden..."

So I waited until everyone went home - not unusual as I rarely left work until 7 or 8pm - and wandered up to where Lee worked and Ghosted his hard drive. (That means I took an exact copy of his system). Toddled off by to IT and booted his drive on a machine that wasn't connected to the network, logged in as local admin and then....

Ferreted through his documents until I had the route, the quiz, the challenges - the lot.

(Aside - I could have just logged into his computer, remotely or locally, as admin and found the info - but that leaves *traces*. Mama Legless didn't raise no fools. Apart form my younger brother but we won't go there just now...)

So, night of Treasure Hunt arrives and our team were roaring around the circuit. We already had a copy of the previous days Gaurdian, we'd pre-built, from McDonalds straws, a magnificent peep-hole bra that Sally, the token girl from IT, wore and we knew the answer to every single question in the upcoming quiz. Things were looking good.

Then, in the penultimate pub before the quiz, we ran into the marketing team. They were looking good, looking confident, but their McDonalds straw creation was waaay better than ours. It was a, perfect, desk-sized model of giraffe. Tightly woven, perfectly scaled, it made our effort look like something produced by pre-pubescent kids.

So I did what any contractor who wanted a paid week off would do. I took one for the team. Boss engaged them in conversation. I leaned back against the bar and flicked my lighter and.....

It went up surprisingly well. And went down in a melting pile of plastic even better. Job done, we legged it the final pub followed by marketing screaming

"CHEATS!!"

We won.

Paid week off vs morals?

Week off wins

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:39, 37 replies)

f
f

to you too :P
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:40, closed)

WHERE'S MY FUCKING CHEERS!

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:41, closed)

This is a sad day for the internets.
:(
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:00, closed)

I think Legless is broken.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:56, closed)

Heh!

(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:09, closed)

What a wacky place to work.
This story had better end with you cunting the fuck out of the boss.

[edit: oh, well. I like the part where you explained what ghosting his hard drive meant.]
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:06, closed)

"...ell you can't have it if we lose"
The end.

Cheers.
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:12, closed)

...ank me off and I'll put a bit extra in your pay packet this month"
edit: Oh sorry, Cheers :D
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:15, closed)

ho do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler?"

cheers
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:15, closed)

haddaya wanna make those eyes at me for? If they don't mean what they say?"

cheers
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:15, closed)

hy did the chicken cross the road?
/Shit, I forgot my cheers also.
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:18, closed)

...hen will I, will I be faymusss?"
Cheers
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:19, closed)

I'm
overwhelmed...

I never knew that I had so many /talkers, so many wankers, so many people so bereft of anything better to do than hang on a single word form me.....

I am humbled.

I promise, work permitting, that I'll send you ALL, a daily gaz with the word you all miss, so badly,......

CHEERS!
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:30, closed)

wankers?
nice.

You're the sausage-fingered spazmo who didn't post his answer properly.
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:38, closed)

Ahem..
I left a placeholder, as is the convention, before posting a real answer.

Unlike you.

Wanker
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:42, closed)

I saw your f f placeholder, it was very good. I used fullstops.
Then you posted half a story. Then we took the piss a bit because you'd posted half a story that abruptly ended with the letter "W".

Spazzhands.
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:45, closed)

And you did a smiley.
I really can't fathom the bullying.
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:51, closed)

I dunno
Some people take themselves far too seriously
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:52, closed)

I think our endings were better

( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:55, closed)

Yeh me too
Except I now have "What do you wanna make those eyes at me for?" going round in my head.
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:56, closed)

Oh no! Whadd-a mistake-a to make-a!

( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 15:06, closed)

You're very welcome.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 15:37, closed)

It's lovely to see you can be good-humoured about this.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 15:41, closed)

I wish everybody on here was as laid back and charming as Legless.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 16:06, closed)

I'm so glad he hasn't adopted the Australian trait of Taking Umbrage.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 17:34, closed)

Not yet
anyway...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 20:45, closed)

Hi Legless!
Just out of interest, did you become terribly precious and self-important before or after you left Newcastle?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 19:59, closed)

I'm taking the lack of response to mean "before", and can only conclude that you left because you were laughed out of town.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 9 Jul 2011, 23:41, closed)

Fucking hell you're almost as thick as that other prick.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 14:58, closed)

I still think you're on top of your game legless
Don't listen to the haters.


Cheers
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 16:36, closed)

YEAHHHHH!!!!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 18:20, closed)

it thinks it's people!

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 18:38, closed)

Wait, what now.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 19:13, closed)

<placeholder response>
I'll write something witty, later.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 20:22, closed)

Will that something witty be "Cheers!"?
Because it better fucking well had be, sunshine. I don't want to have to come around there and sort you out but by christing fuck I will fucking well fuck your shit right the fuck up so fucking help me.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 20:28, closed)

It would have been.
But, now you've questioned me, I'll just throw a hissy fit, instead.

Am I fitting in, yet?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 20:43, closed)

I feel like you're having a joke at the expense of the lovely Legless here.
And I don't think I can approve of that sort of thing. It's not his fault that he's a charmless prick with a depressing misplaced sense of his own popularity and intelligence. He doesn't need horrible bullies like you coming over here with your grasp of humour and sense of proportion.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 20:59, closed)

If you need me, I'll be in the corner.
Ostracising myself.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 23:00, closed)

Stop
Hammertime.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 15:19, closed)