Maybe the dumbest think ive done but got away with!
One day me and my best mate jim decided to skank of school cause it wasa really nice day and anyway it was only geography and pe lol! so we went to the shop to by some Vodka but the shopkeeper new jims Brother and didnt serve us so we waited round the corner and these 2 older boys from the colledge came and helped us. They said that they were going to the woods to smoke some pot so we said wth! Okay!

When we got there their we met these 2 other girls and we started smoking and drinking and got pretty mashed up man the two boys mike and snake got bored and left but we stayed and were messing about with the two girls. Jim kept on throwing leafs about and stuffing them in the girls shirts, thene we started drink some other stuff and playing truth or dare. I got dared to kiss the blonde one I can’t remember her name so i did and we went behind some trees then she grabbed my hand and started pushing it up her shirt and I was like woah! Jim tried to kiss the other girl but she was having non of it. Then we got down on the floor and strated to unbutton each other’s pants and she was whispering stop but she was getting well horney and then she started shouting and wriggling and her friend came but jim pulled her back and she hit ihim then hit her and she ran off and I was fucking the blonde girl first time man and she was all crying and shit which was really hot anyway LOL! and then jim came and had a go to and she loved it. Then afterwards she ran off and said she would tell her brother and the police but I don’t think she did, but I think she was a slut anyway cause my cock went all red 2 days later and ben at school said he’d fucked her in the woods too and got nob rot. I nearly had to go to the doctors but it cleared up

length? she was loving mine better than jims
(Youlotfeckingsuck, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 9:26, 29 replies)

Punctuation by machine gun.
Here, have a few of these, I have loads spare:
,,,,,,,,,,,.............,,,,,,.............
And you get a free ! as well.
Grammar? Wossat den?
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 9:33, closed)

and...
breathe
( rofl harris, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 9:38, closed)

HE HE
yea I now! LOL!
(Youlotfeckingsuck, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 9:40, closed)

Jesus Christ
Reading that was more difficult than getting a mute to talk. You need to use punctuation to make yourself understood. It's the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack, off a horse" and "I helped my uncle jack off a horse" You have just learnt a very important lesson.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 10:20, closed)

.
Hmmm, fucktard troll or fucktard rapist?
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 10:21, closed)

makes me laugh
that people are more intent on correcting his grammar than telling him off for raping a girl. Well, not laugh so much as boggle.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 10:25, closed)

I think Maccy
should tell us the story about him wanking off a horse with his uncle
(Youlotfeckingsuck, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 10:31, closed)

Oh how I yearn for...
some sort of aptitude testing for potential b3ta members!


( the dalai farmer always likes tea, but especially on, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 10:46, closed)

Maccy
I think that ought to be:

"I helped my Uncle, Jack, off a horse."
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 11:37, closed)

Actually, it depends.
"Uncle Jack", if that is how he is referred to, could be the entire object

subj + verb + direct obj + indirect object is one entire clause, so there's no need to split it with commas.

ie.
I ate a pie with a fork.

NOT

I ate a pie, with a fork.

so

I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse - is correct.

If you simple refer to him as "Uncle", however, and wish to give his name as extra information, you treat "Jack" as non-defining relative clause and place it in between commas.

I helped my uncle, (who is called) Jack, off a horse.

I'd suggest that difference in meaning between helping someone dismount a horse and helping some masturbate a horse simply comes from whether the 'j' in Jack is capitalised or not. (simsfreq, it should read "uncle" with a lower case letter unless you refer to your uncle as "Uncle")

Anyway, this is all beside the point. I won lunch and a beer of a colleague by proving my theory that -

people on B3TA think bad grammar is a worse crime than rape.

Cheers guys!
(Youlotfeckingsuck, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 11:55, closed)

(gasps)
indeed
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 12:06, closed)

Welcome.
Chav.

Please learn to fucking spell and punctuate. Oh - and English would be appreciated too.


So the next time you tell of your rape-related antics, we'll know what-the-fuck you're talking about.

Fucking hell. I think I've turned into a school-teacher.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 12:59, closed)

Oh look!
Another troll to add to the ignore / ban list
( M o D, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 13:04, closed)

What's worse than rape?
Lying and posturing and pretending you've done it.

See, this is why chavs breed, and it's got to stop. The final solution wasn't wrong, it was just a few years too early and aimed at entirely the wrong people.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 13:08, closed)

Legless
When using the conjunction ''and", don't start a new sentence.



Cheers!
(Youlotfeckingsuck, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 13:19, closed)

Waaaait....
Since when did Vicky Pollard lurk on b3ta?
(HomeWithTheDownies A towering inferno of penisy pleasure, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 16:15, closed)

Good god.
Being American I had no idea who Vicky Pollard was, so I googled for it. I've spent a good fifteen minutes reading about Little Britain and vascillating between laughing and shuddering, as it sounds like it's a bit too close to reality...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 28 Dec 2007, 17:13, closed)

Fucking hell.
Illiteracy, stupidity, lies and sexual inadequacy.

Ladies and gentlemen, this post is the quintessential QOTW story.

That, or it's a cunning and subtle parody of QOTW.

/edit - *reads all replies*

Yes, it is a cunning parody.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 17:14, closed)

This has to be
probably one of the most intellectually interesting threads on this qotw.

I'm intrigued, very intrigued by the knee-jerk reactions and the uncovering of the original poster.

You deserved to win lunch, well done.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 18:07, closed)

Best QOTW answer ever
I can't believe how many people thought it was serious!
( Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 19:18, closed)

Why is everyone falling for this?
Its funny how everyones pointing out this guy should be shot for his 'chavvy' story, and not checking his follow up posts where hes been quite eloquent and punctuated... its obviously a joke

but hey, gets my vote for best story ever, his might be made up, but so are 95% of the funniest ones anyways...
(squareheadedfreak, Fri 28 Dec 2007, 22:32, closed)

I clicked
This is brilliant.

I was going to post about grammar too before I read all the replies.

You deserved the lunch.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sat 29 Dec 2007, 14:38, closed)

lol!
In the context of your subsequent replies: brilliant! I've rarely seen such an eloquent description of grammatical rules.

I'll back up the last reply: a well earned lunch
(weedom, Sun 30 Dec 2007, 4:27, closed)

Youlotfeckingsuck,
And you can fuck off as well.

See? There are many situations where you can start a sentence with "and".

And here's another one.

Cheers

And if you did write this tale to prove that B3tans worry more about grammar than rape then hat's off to you
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 30 Dec 2007, 23:59, closed)

Funny as fcuk!
This is by far the funniest post I have seen in the last few days of 2007!

Sheer genius for the original post and the subsequent conversations are pure comedy.

Thank you one and all.
(UK-Wookie thought dyslexia was a way to insult Lex Yeah, Tue 1 Jan 2008, 21:06, closed)

Well...
I was about to post about how piss-poor your grammer was, until i read a few comments, and managed to come across (careful readers) your answer regarding an english lesson.

Marvellous good sir!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Jan 2008, 13:37, closed)

Amazing. Pure genius.
Well played sir.

Oh, and Legless - it should be "hats", not "hat's" :)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Jan 2008, 20:30, closed)

When I first read this I was like woah!
Good work fella *clicks*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 8:27, closed)

Love it soooo much.....
...that I think it really needs a 'like it' click thingy!
(UK-Wookie thought dyslexia was a way to insult Lex Yeah, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 12:39, closed)