Dental nurse. She was a virgin.

I saw her for a bit trying to pop her cherry... and then got bored and 'shopped around' a bit. During this time, found out she was doing the same so I just stopped talking with her or seeing her. 2 years later she 'shows up' at a night out.. I found out she'd been asking people where I drank and socialized, and also her fella had dumped her because she wouldn't give out.
She was obviously determined to lose her virginity to get back at her ex, (48 mins from 'hello' to 'dress on bedroom floor') so I did the honorable thing and took it like candy from a baby. Afterwards, we sat in my living room whilst she cried a lot, and then said 'I think I love you'. My mind went into panic mode, and I just laughed my ass off. Then she became hysterical, and the only thing I could think of was to talk to her about what her problems were. 5 fucking hours later, I brought her round to the idea that it wasn't really a big thing, and that the best thing for her would be to calm the fuck down, clean herself up, (cum stains etc..) and talk to her ex about letting him have a go on her lady garden.
Now, she's married to him and they have 3 kids. Yeah I know, right?
(bangthedrum, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 21:39, 35 replies)

You massive fucking loser.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 21:49, closed)

God bless you badger. And all who sail in you..
(bangthedrum, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:05, closed)

So your story is you had sex once?
Welcome back, spankyhanky.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:12, closed)

I too have had full sexual intercourse

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:13, closed)

You too?
Oh man, we finally have something in common.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:14, closed)

Mrs Plumdozer

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 4 Jan 2013, 23:00, closed)

's rectum.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 0:00, closed)

See? Even people utterly lacking in charm can very occasionally have sex.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:21, closed)

This is why nobody has sex with Ringofyre.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:22, closed)

Sex with ringofyre? Maybe once or twice.. But its not gay if the balls don't touch.
(bangthedrum, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:29, closed)

What's his wife like?
I hear she bangs like a shithouse door in a hurricane.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 22:33, closed)

Steady on there big boy.
I like a dinner & a show first thank you!

Hey AB, how'd you think your wife would feel if people were saying things like that about her?
Oh. Wait....
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 11:46, closed)

Hey, you're the one who started all this off by telling us she likes to be fucked by strangers whilst you touch yourself and cry.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 13:32, closed)

You make it sound a lot less grim and depressing than it probably is.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 14:14, closed)

When
exactly did I say that?

Please feel free to use your prodigious link-bitch powers to provide me with a link that says that my wife has sex with strangers and/or that I cry whilst masturbating.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 20:29, closed)

Everybody cries whilst masturbating.
Fact.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sun 6 Jan 2013, 10:05, closed)

I've been doing it wrong all this time :(
I normally laugh
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:11, closed)

And the eldest one looks strangely familiar?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 0:01, closed)

Ah, women and the old "revenge shagging"
It's alright if you get some as a result though.
(McChinaman banned, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 0:47, closed)

What a fucking vile attitude to have to another person.
What if someone treated your sister like that?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 4:22, closed)

Like his dad, you mean?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 9:49, closed)

How do you know she's not his sister?

(Kyzia was here on, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 14:26, closed)

Would you mind not being so queasily sanctimonious in future? Thanks in advance.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 23:14, closed)

I'm being a bit rude here, but...
I think this may explain Gonz's queasiness.


(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Jan 2013, 7:56, closed)

I realise that infantile homophobia is almost unavoidable for an Australian underachiever
but this would probably work better as snotty-collar playground loser humour if it weren't for the fact that he's not gay. You fucking moron.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 9:26, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/noselfawareness/
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 9:27, closed)

Fo fuck's sake Gonz.
Calling people out for their appalling behaviour is the act of an internet bully. Can't you find someone who's been telling jokes to have a go at?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 15:06, closed)

you are not a very nice man by the sounds of this.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 9:32, closed)

I think it's quite refreshing that all these repulsive manchildren are using this week as an opportunity to demonstrate how repulsive they are.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 9:49, closed)

i just, well, i understand what he's doing is a really roundabout way of saying he had sex with a lady,
To impress the other forum users who are too fused to their chairs to get anywhere near one, but why do it in a way that makes you sound like such an unpleasant slime ball? Unless he also wants to impress those fellas with that LAD facebook thing, but I can't imagine they have the intelligence to find this site, and in all fairness are probably too busy objectifying women and planning their next attempted rape of a drunk girl in Purple Turtle.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 12:25, closed)

Oh
I used to go to purple turtle.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 14:49, closed)

it's alright,
there are loads of them. the one near you may not be rapey. Ask yourself, do you feel anything you did in said purple turtle felt rapey?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 5 Jan 2013, 16:35, closed)

So neither of you could persuade her that anal doesn't count?

Lose 10 points.
(cs1ca, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 20:20, closed)

qftw :(((
I know you all dress up as Space Marines and shit, that's fine, you're fat and unlovable, but sometimes you need to die in a fire.
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 15:05, closed)

Keats... Byron...
And now bangthedrum.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 15:33, closed)