In Hull, about the second week in October,
Fair folk, travellers, people who own massive rides (some of which actually come from theme parks all over Europe as it is out of season), shooting galleries where the sights on the guns are woefully out of alignment, coconut shies that make use of 'No More Nails' and several descendents of the original Gypsy Rosy Lee all descend on Hull to form what is claimed to be the largest travelling fair in Europe, which has been on the go for about 720 years. No, really.

It is based here,

maps.google.co.uk/?ie=UTF8&ll=53.74715,-0.372741&spn=0.006573,0.013797&t=h&z=16

on that large carpark thing just above 'Bonus Arena' and then a load of stalls that run the full length of Walton Street.

I drew up a list of rules to Hull Fair a couple of years ago. Those of you that have lived in Hull long enough to have attended several times will know exactly what I'm talking about here:

Rules of Hull Fair

1. Point out how you wouldn't like to live on Walton Street during fair-week.

2. Dismiss any claims that it would be ace cos you'd just go out your door and you'd be at the fair.

3. Consider that the residents probably get a bonus off the council for the disruption.

4. Insist on having a look round first before doing anything.

5. Mention how they put the prices up as it starts getting busy.

6. Mention how much more expensive it is this year.

7. Say "You can tell it's Hull Fair week, cos it raining"

8. Watch several people get fleeced by pikeys on nigh-on impossible stalls - the hoopla that has a PS3 for a prize for example where the hoop would only just fit over it using laser precision machinery.

9. Get fleeced by pikeys as you attempt to get cheap darts that are as blunt as the wrong end of a biro to stick into sheet steel with a dartboard drawn on it.

10. Point out to wife/girlfriend that the bloke you see walking about with an enormous stuffed toy hasn't won it by standing up a coke-bottle with a small hoop on a string, but is in fact yet another pikey.

11. Speculate how much loose change must be underneath the rides.

12. Get roped into going on overpriced rides that make you feel ill for the rest of the evening.

13. Say "I'd hate to think what might be in those burgers, and did you see the state of the chip-van?"

14. Buy a burger, a hot-dog and some chips.

15. And a big squeaky inflatable hammer

16. Stock up on candy-floss, nougat, brandy snap, coconuts, pomegranates and bags of sweets.

17. Completely forget that coconuts and pomegranates are a third of the price if you went in Asda instead.

18. Be dismayed when you see the same stuff, but cheaper further along the street, even though you knew they would be.

19. Pay over the odds for the 'F' service buses.

20. Resolve never to go again, as you are now £65 lighter.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 13:11, 11 replies)

You had me at Hull
[shudders]
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 9 Jun 2011, 13:18, closed)

That is the story
Of pretty much every fair I've been too.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 13:22, closed)

That's all true. But mine were in Kent. Very funny stuff, av a *click*

( NooShmoo It's a fantazmagorical pile of ultra bollocks, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 13:51, closed)

You forgot the bit
about remarking on how Walton Street used to be soooooooo long as a kid and now it's 5 minute walk.
(nolongernuts, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 14:17, closed)

To my shame
I only went once to Hull Fair. It was cold, wet, too noisy, too crowded and too expensive. And yet I feel I missed out by not going every year.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 14:31, closed)

Haha, excellent.
There's only one thing I'd add, and that's being surprised and moaning every year that the Bob Carver's stall doesn't sell fish; they only do sausage and patties.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 14:50, closed)

And is it really worth
saving the 50p extra on the bus for the mile and a quarter hike from the station over the flyover in the cold October drizzle, against a tide of parents pushing prams with massive Spongebob baloons tethered to them.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:18, closed)

Oooh, I'd forgotten about that one.
And getting pissed up in Brickmakers afterwards
(nolongernuts, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 19:37, closed)

I like the...
...naming of 'Bonus Arena' on the map. Is it a bonus for Hull to have an arena or summat? Oh, and 'ave a click - great list.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 9 Jun 2011, 23:52, closed)

There's a similar fair outside my hometown at the end of July
Don't forget the "Laughing at everyone's reactions on the rides, then shitting yourself when you go upside down on some ride and lose all self-control".
(McChinaman banned, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 3:21, closed)

Number 7 is spot on
Also, worth going to see which ride will break with people hanging upside down this year. Think a couple of years ago it was one of the bungees on the enormous crane thing which flings the ball into the air on the end of bungees, which doesn't inspire confidence!
(Liberal, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 17:30, closed)