The production team of E4, and the writers of "Friends"
I don't think I'm alone among gym members in having a favourite machine - there's one of the cross-trainers in particular that just seems... I dunno... right for me.

It so happens that it's in full view of a TV screen that is usually showing E4. And because it's showing E4, it's usually showing Friends. I don't like Friends at all. It's the comedic equivalent of magnolia paint. It makes Michael Macintyre look edgy. It's horrible. Actually, the reason why I hate it is because there's nothing to hate. I despise its emptiness.

Anyway: a couple of weeks ago, the last ever episode was on. "Hooray!", I thought. "It's gone forever!"

Nope.

The following day, in the same slot, they just started the cycle again from the beginning. I have an insight into what Purgatory is like: it's being on an exercise machine with that programme on in front of you FOREVER.

I hold especial hatred for the writers behind Friends, though. And the reason for that is that, vacuous as it is, it's incredibly well-written. Some of the lines are brilliant. And this means that, despite myself, and notwithstanding that the sound is down and it's via the subtitles that I see the punchlines, I laugh. Involuntarily.

But I don't want to be seen publicly laughing at this programme. So I have to pretend to be coughing. And I'm pretty certain that everyone can see through the charade.

So that's another reason to hate Friends. It turns me into a poor liar.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:33, 13 replies)

See
When the nuclear holocaust comes, the only living things left on the planet will be cockroaches and Davina McCall.

And E4 will STILL be showing Friends.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:39, closed)

That's tonight's nightmare sorted, then.
eeeep.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:43, closed)

What about death and taxes?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 22:05, closed)

I
hate this show too and i think if E4 ever stopped showing it my tv would explode in happiness.
(stitched, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:42, closed)

as soon as i hear that theme tune
i make a dive for the remote.
not on MY fucking telly!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 16:17, closed)

Someone once said
that at the end of the universe a lonely television will spin in the vacuum, blaring out Friends.

I think what annoys me most about it is the fact that it's an utterly shite rip-off of Seinfeld, which had real bite. It dumps the golden rule that made Seinfeld birlliant: 'no happy endings.' In Friends world, everyone is happy and in touch with their emotions and any idiosyncracies are not touches of individualism but rather treated as signs of deep-rooted emotional issues. Everyone's just so vacuous as a result - particuarly when they stupidly ramp up the character's supposedly amusing traits because they've run out of steam. So one of them runs around cleaning, another just makes jokes, another just eats...and they all do it speaking so loudly in the later episodes. God, it's awful.

Like you said, though, ocassional good lines.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 17:28, closed)

You're mainly correct.
Except that Seinfeld was godawful.
*improvises on bass guitar to demonstrate that a joke has just been made, because, Fuck knows, there was no other way in that programme*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 17:43, closed)

^this ^this ^this
According to my Jewish American friends I just don't get Jewish American humour. If Seinfeld is the best example of the art form, then I have to concede, they're entirely right.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 17:55, closed)

mike harding had it right...
"We mop up American rubbish like brain-dead sponges, watching old episodes of Friends, but there's more comedy and more humanity in one Jake Thackray song than the entire series of Friends lumped together"
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:37, closed)

Mike Harding is a genius.
"When the Martians land in Huddersfield, we'll give 'em lousy jobs / We'll put 'em on the buses with the rest of the bloody wogs."

Come back, Michael, your country needs you...
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Sun 7 Feb 2010, 14:48, closed)

But you have to admit...
...that big-faced Aniston woman has a great arse!
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Sun 7 Feb 2010, 14:46, closed)

No I don't.
And she hasn't.

(Or maybe it's just a feature of the widescreen telly that makes her look overweight.)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sun 7 Feb 2010, 17:37, closed)

Hell indeed
Every fookin country I've been to in the last ten years, what's on the telly? Oh of course, the one where nothing funny happens, again.
(haffy, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 0:28, closed)

Rejoice, your prayers have been answered
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8508237.stm
(Cylon Bum Raider already knows how this will end, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 14:21, closed)