Anything with automation, and so a roasted pea.
Whilst home alone of an afternoon, I like to create increasingly more contrived methods of automating masturbation.

Mainly because I'm a lazy bastard tbh.

Anyways, after various experiments with powertools and anything I can find about the house, Mrs SLVA and I were doing some serious redecorating so we hired one of those paint-shaking machines. The sort where you clamp a paint-tin in it and switch it on and it oscillates vigourously, and saves you having to stir it manually. A bit like this,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjILdcKel3E&feature=related

Anyway, wife goes out and I go searching the house for parts to make a machine-penis interface. I fabricated something with a few layers of felt, rubber bands and gaffa-tape.

I started the machine, it was perfect. So I laid on the table next to it, got into position and set it going at about 60%.

Well that didn't take long, maybe 8 seconds. I'd struck gold in wanking efficiency.

Within maybe just over a minute, I'd cum 7 times and things were getting sticky. So I reached for controls, but in my ecstacy the machine had shuddered out of reach.

This was worrying as I scrabbled around looking for something to cut the power with, pull the plug out, anything. It didn't make it easy the fact that I cum two more times.

I was getting light-headed and was beginning to get distressed, though this was regularly punctuated with climaxes which were producing less and less fluid.

After maybe ten mins, I lost count at about 23 or 24. I lost track of time, but when Mrs SLVA finally came in and rescued me I calculated that I'd been hooked up to it for best part of an hour and had probably orgasmed maybe 40 times. I looked like someone had varnished my belly.

The muscles behind the penis-root ached like hell. I now have groin muscles like Geoff Capes' biceps and when I shoot my load now I can crack mugs on the other side of the room.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:31, 11 replies)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK, PEOPLE!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:32, closed)

I don't care...
...if this is a flagrant lie, it made me laugh like a loon.

* click *
(SimianKid internet faffer, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:33, closed)

*Head in hands*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:35, closed)

Nobody invited you here, you contibute nothing...
except for your tired, over-used, self important statements in the third person, which some users lap up like the sweetcorn from under your foreskin after you have buggered them senseless.

You are a meme, a username without a personality.

Thank you.
(TheColonel, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 11:55, closed)

Indecent Proposal 2
"....let's test the cliché. Suppose... I were to offer you one million dollars for one night with your paint-can-mixing-wank-machine."
(tinpixel, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:38, closed)

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots...
If you stick your mickey in between their fists and push the buttons it works a treat too.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:51, closed)

Could you not have
just taken your cock out of it? I call bullshit.
(b3ta_polis, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:38, closed)

Gaffa tap and pubic hair don't mix well
separating them is best done gingerly.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:04, closed)

It may be
total bollux but it made me laugh

so clicks :)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 0:39, closed)

POIDH
Actually, thinking about it... maybe not.
(Jester_, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 11:43, closed)

I did inlude
a helpful Youtube clip. Won't that do?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:07, closed)