This may be a pea, but who cares......
I was on the last train home once and someone jumped in front of it. Deeeed, stone deeed. The ticket dude walked to the front of the train and then slowly walked the driver to the back of the train. The poor dude was proper shaken up. As the ticket dude passes this massive fat bird she tugs on his arm and asks

“Are we going to be late because my husband has made my tea?”

The guard looks at her in disbelief, the whole train just stare at her…… I piped up at this point with

“You could do with missing a few meals you selfish bitch, shut up”

She shut up.
( The only Dave is pushing things forward, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:07, 13 replies)

This didn't really happen, did it?
Not really.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:19, closed)

What a selfish fuck!
couldn't they find a better way to off themselves with disrupting so many people?
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:32, closed)

Unfortunately...
Suicide by train is pretty foolproof. The others - pills/poisons/potions, even hanging are not as tried tested and successful as stepping in front of several hundred tons of hurtling steel. So, if the person reeeeeally wants to be dead (rather than issue a 'cry for help') they let the train take the strain!
This always causes the train line to be closed, mostly so they can find all the bits, and inconveniences the passengers.
C'est la mort I suppose.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:49, closed)

My boyfriend's dad killed himself that way. So when, on a train delayed because some other poor bastard had followed suit, some people started moaning about the delay and (worse) saying 'look, you can see all the bits', I stood up and told them to shut up. This really did happen, as anyone travelling in carriage D on that train from Bristol to London will testify, and actually it's not that funny.
(eirik_the_red, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 11:19, closed)

It seems to me that the only person in this story that has any redeeming qualities is the ticket guy.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:08, closed)

^this

(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:20, closed)

of course the driver has no credit
It was his fault in the first place
(justin(e), Sat 3 Mar 2012, 8:39, closed)

EXCELLENT!
I love it when people respond to polite queries with vicious personal attacks possibly based on medical conditions.
(TheColonel, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:42, closed)

Since when
has "eating too much" been a medical condition?
(ubergeekian, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 18:03, closed)

Someone jumped under the train,
and she blames her husband's cooking? Good grief.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:53, closed)

Hahahahahaha

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:19, closed)

I changed my mind
This.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 13:53, closed)

Been there (delayed by suicides) many times myself.
It's always worth it however to see the shocked expressions on the faces on your colleagues when you let them know why you were running late:

"Wrong kind of mince on the line"

What can I say, I'm a sick fuck.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:46, closed)