the truth, the whole truth
my name is trevor. i used to be a long distance lorry driver, but i lost my job when i tried to climb in the door of my cab and the whole lorry tipped over because i am so fat. now i live in my parents' basement and spend my life on world of warcraft and second life and i'm twice as fat as i was then. if i drop a biscuit down myself it's gone for weeks as i can never find it under all the rolls of sweaty useless disgusting flab inside my sleeveless vest.

anyway, a few years ago, i was starving, so i had three spicy hot curries in one night. mum didn't come in when i shouted in time to help me get up onto my feet, and when i farted, i shat the bed. there was liquid brown shit everywhere. that was the beginning of the end. when mum had cleaned it all up, i logged onto the internet and instead of slaying a few demons, i tried to find some real life supportive people to talk to about this new low in my life. i came across this website called b3ta that seemed suitably tasteless, but noone wanted to talk to trevor the truck driver.

so instead i said that i was a zomgirl, on the internet, whose bf had shat the bed, and that i had really big omgtits that i got out for everyone, all the time, and implied that i might get them out for anyone reading, if they were interested. and they all believed me, although some of them thought i was a twat which made me sad , but lots of people did want to talk to me, and i fitted right in and i've never looked back!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 16:04, 14 replies)

So, if you're a bloke, and that fat... show us yer moobs?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 16:18, closed)

i would
but i can't bend down far enough to lift up my vest
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 16:19, closed)

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 21 Jan 2009, 16:30, closed)

I KNEW IT!!! All that bollocks about being a lawyer and female
You lied to me Swipe...if that IS your real name which it obviously isn't
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 16:51, closed)

oh but it is!*
*may be lies
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 17:56, closed)

I too was taken in...
...The posh flat, the pink fridge, the champagne...

How could you?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 21 Jan 2009, 17:09, closed)

I guessed it all along
Cos I'm a busty lawyer with an incontinent boyfriend.
(frankspencer, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 17:23, closed)

never been into nappyfuckers meself
something a bit wrong about the whole thing.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 18:23, closed)

no no
it was a truck, a stained mattress and warm flat beer...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 17:57, closed)

Dang!
All that fwapping for nowt! :o(
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 17:54, closed)

but did the truck driver want to talk to noone?
aha!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 18:15, closed)

What, you got big tits then?
WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED??!?!?!?

So have I, but I'm not a trucker
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 18:18, closed)

hang on a
sec..so that dream you had about me OHMYGOD
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 8:49, closed)

and you LOVED it
you dirty slag!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 11:38, closed)