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This is a question B3TA fixes the world

Moon Monkey says: Turn into Jeremy Clarkson for a moment, and tell us about the things that are so obviously wrong with the world, and how they should be fixed. Extra points for ludicrous over-simplification, blatant mis-representation, and humourous knob-gags.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 12:53)
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Damn kids! *waving cane in a vaguely threatening manner*
I suggested this topic ages ago!

How would I improve things over here across the pond?

1. Ban SUVs for people who only ever take them off-road to go into car parks. Of recent times ever time I've almost been wiped out by an idiot driver, said idiot was in a large SUV. If you can't see over your hood or out of the tiny windows that are eight feet off the ground, you can't see other drivers. If you're not using said SUV to go into the back country of Africa, you really don't need that goddam tank. Hint: Viagra is cheaper, guys, and then you're not publicly advertising your tiny dick.

2. Make news organizations responsible for fact checking. Yes, I'm looking at you, FOX news. Stop providing Jon Stewart with so many easy targets and riling up the left side of the intelligence bell curve with obviously false statements and empty rhetoric. For every blatantly false statement there should be a minimum fine of $20,000, to be paid into the education system to reduce the number of people who believe that idiotic spew.

3. Speaking of news organizations, can we just plain get rid of the 24 hour news networks? They've become infotainers rather than journalists. I don't care if it's Bill O'Reilly, Anderson Cooper or Rachel Maddow- the talking heads all make me see red when I have to listen to them for more than 10 minutes while waiting for my car to be fixed or sitting in an airport. I'd be much happier watching reruns of Gilligan's Island than hearing Ann Coulter being interviewed.

4. And then there's the group that's been spawned by the neocon talk shows that's sweeping the nation, the Tea Party. Seriously, people, put the white robes back on and get away from the cameras. You're embarrassing the rest of us who live here. The rest of the world hates us enough without hearing from the likes of Michele Bachmann.

5. Oh, and let's not forget reality TV. We can't claim the market on that- you lot brought us Big Brother, after all- but for fuck's sake, enough! Every time I happen across one of those shows I end up feeling that each and every person on there would be greatly improved by a cast iron skillet being applied to the backs of their heads by Venus Williams. Mediocrity, attention whoring and obnoxiousness should not be rewarded by paying them attention.

...hang on, I think I just described /talk...
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:39, 6 replies)
The Dutch brought us Big Brother.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:41, closed)
Yeah, but you brought us Jade Goody.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:49, closed)
I personally didn't.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:52, closed)
You're excused, then. But the rest of your nation...

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:57, closed)
click for a cast iron skillet being applied to the backs of their heads by Venus Williams

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:43, closed)
Stephen Fry on QI summed up Big Brother quite well...
(Speaking about the London sewer system...)

"It was the biggest civil engineering job ever undertaken, by this man Joseph Bazalgette, whose great great-grandson, oddly enough, now runs Endemol and is busy pumping shit back into our homes, but, erm, that's another matter, erm . . ."
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 23:28, closed)

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