News readers who announce results with no warning will be subjected to public flogging
Ok so in the grand scheme of things knowing who won a match or a race or the latest series of "I was famous/want to be famous and am not above subjecting myself to utter humilation if it means people will at least remember who I am on ice brother talent UK" before watching it may not be the most important thing in the world. HOWEVER, seriously what was wrong with the old tried and tested method of "And if you don't want to know the scores look away now". That worked!

Here is the problem, nowadays most people have smart phones with the internet in their pocket and are obsessed with knowing what is going on at all times everywhere.

Oh thank GOD, Jimmy has just updated his facebook saying he has finally had a shit, it's been four days I was starting to worry for him!

OH NO that bloke that Roshcella fell in love with after spending an hour drunkenly fumbling in the back of the club has turned out to be a lion in a hat and has eaten her sister and half her leg.

Well you know what crazy media world? There are some of us who on a Sunday will look out the window and think, ooh sunshine! In ENGLAND! I must go out and dance merrily among the flowers and fight with semi naked, fat, sweaty men for a small spot of sun in the local park. Ooh I have a magical box that will record the [programme of your choice] I shall watch it this evening with a glass of sherry and some of that delightful foie gras I purchased in the week. You know what? I may even forget to take my phone with me (ooh rebel)!

After a delightful day of complaining it's too hot and there are too many people about and who the fuck brings their kids to the fucking park on a fucking sunday and lets them fucking be loud, you skip merrily upstairs and put the TV on. Oh, you left the TV on the channel that showed the [programme of your choice] and the news is on

"...and something terrible is happening that you should probably panic about right nowandinothernewsthewinnerof[insert programme of your choice here]was[name of someone relevant to your programme]"

WOAH! What the fuck stupid newsreader? You didn't give any warning or even pause for breath there!? Are you still pissed at me for saying your latest botex job made you look like Keaneu Reeve's emotionaly cripped brother? Did you hear me the other day when I was saying women of your age should grow old gracefully?

I get the fact your job is to deliver the news to people, but please can you do it in a way that doesn't make me frantically re-read Charlie and The Chocolate Factory to figure out how Wonka made that TV that transmits stuff so I can throw my shoe through the TV and hit you in your stupid shiny face.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 9:45, 1 reply)

Newsreaders and sports results.
I entirely agree, with one small modification. It should be any newsreader who talks about, or mentions sport, in any way.
Apart from the ones that ladies do in tight shorts, which are clearly a noble athletic endeavour.
(speedevil, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 11:43, closed)