
Tell us / show us / send us the best thing you've ever cooked or had cooked for you. Even if it is a £10 burger.
Or knock yourself out and tell us knock-knock jokes. Just make them funny and about sheds
( , Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:29)
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Who's there?
An actual QOTW story...
Just after university I did a lot of temp work. It wasn't bad, there were plenty of jobs for a smartly-dressed young graduate. I'd signed up with a bunch of agencies and they sent all over the place - filing for banks, data-inputting for large insurance companies, working reception for large office buildings, etc, etc.
I was paid monthly, the agencies totaling up all the hours I'd put on the various assignments. Trouble with that was, I'd be flat broke within days of being paid. So I hit upon the perfect scam.
Lunchtimes. As the temp, I'd often be corralled into taking lunch orders. I'd go from desk to desk, writing down orders and collecting cash. I did this diligently at every place I worked at, even offering my services if no one asked me.
And then one day, at a big finance company, temptation overcame me. I piped up around midday and asked everyone in the huge open-plan office if I could get their lunch. 20 minutes later I had a pad full of requests and a pocket full of cash. 60 minutes later I still had a pocket full of cash - but the poor City boys and girls had no lunch, and no temp.
Over the next few weeks, at multiple work placements, I repeated the trick. The amazing thing was, the agencies took ages to cotton on, they still paid me my temp salary and in some places I was coining over £100 in lunch money!
Slowly but surely the clients complained (and obviously I could never work in the same place twice) - but for a large part of that glorious summer I was often clearing £100 a day in cash PLUS my standard £8 p/h. At one bank in Canary Wharf (rhymes with Barclays), two of the traders gave me fifties!
My only regret is that I never got to see their faces when they realised the change wasn't coming.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:14, 29 replies)

You blew it, Albert.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:23, closed)

This was almost vintage Marshmallow but you had to overdo it. Sad times.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:30, closed)

Could have been vintage shamblic, but - not nearly enough vitriol, faux-hatred or mock outrage.
Sad times indeed.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 14:36, closed)

Bit tired today. Perhaps if you pretended to have a property portfolio I'd be able to work up the impetus for some proper derision.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 14:42, closed)

The Albert we know and love would never have set his sights as low as a spree of petty larceny. We need to hear about how you used the money you embezzled to rig up a webcam system in the ladies' toilets, cross-reference everyone's employee ID badge with your comprehensive fetish database and leave each lady's object of erotic predilection in a used carrier bag hung from the front fence of their home address.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:40, closed)

That said, most of the time he makes an immensely entertaining read. Rock on, Albert.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:49, closed)

( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:44, closed)

EH, LIEMALLOW????
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 13:26, closed)

I'm assuming you've wound up the spastics into a proper tizzy. Good work, fella.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 13:53, closed)

I can never figure it out.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 14:29, closed)

I've got some of the spackier posters on ignore, so I'm guessing either Shambo or Monty is here
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 14:31, closed)

( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 14:40, closed)

All it does is allow frantic emo Marys like Emma here to whimper and whine about how they're superior to the people that they're hiding from.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 14:48, closed)

You've got me on ignore.
Yet you manage to respond in posts that I've made.
Oh, that's right - not only are you arrogant and belligerent you're also a hypocrite.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 20:09, closed)

Protesting too much, I think.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 20:54, closed)

It's cruel to remind The Dulls that their entire internet existence revolves around their envy of the bigger boys.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 21:49, closed)

The BD doth protest too much, methinks.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 23:40, closed)

It makes me feel weird. Misery McUglywife? What does that even mean?
I can be in a great mood...then I pop to b3ta and see 'Misery McUglywife' everywhere and suddenly my mood evaporates.
Can't you change it? May I suggest 'Happy McFuckwit' - it's kind of upbeat, jolly and won't send me into a deep depression each time I read it?
Misery McUglywife? It's so dark and awful. I don't want to be dragged down into whatever hell you're living. If life's that bad, just divorce her and trade up for a better looking model.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 21:20, closed)

I like it. I think Shambo was trying to suggest that I was miserable and that my wife is ugly - neither of which is true. More about it here - b3ta.com/questions/emergencyservices/post1967731#post1967866.
( , Fri 28 Jun 2013, 23:03, closed)
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