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This is a question Food sabotage

Some arse at work commands that you make them tea. How do you get revenge? You gob in it, of course...

How have you creatively sabotaged other people's food to get you own back? Just how petty were your reasons for doing it? Did they swallow?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 15:31)
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Vegetarian Surprise
I'll skip the details of how it happened, except to say that this answers the question everyone's been asking me lately (i.e., "Why'd you break up with Rachel?"), but my annual "Thanksgiving for folks who can't or don't want to be with their families" dinner was invaded by vegetarians. Normally, I don't have a problem with other peoples' affectations, or at least it's completely tacit: they think I'm a brute, I think they're ponces, so we each do our own separate things and make snide remarks about each other afterward.

... the apotheosis of my relationship with humanity.

But it's completely egregious to show up at a dinner party, of all things, and announce your silly little lifestyle choice, then behave like a complete ass when you're not instantly accommodated. While the rest of us sat down to dinner, the vegetarians opted to stay in the living room polish off the zakuski, and engage in a loud conversation about anal electrocution and the horrors of veal. If anyone had seemed offended by Rachel's guests, I'd probably have put a stop to it, but the rest of them were my guests, who probably wouldn't have put down their forks even if a steer were slaughtered in the kitchen and butchered on the sideboard between courses.

That's why I call them my "friends"

After dinner, everyone regroups in the living room, and is sympathetically over-emphatic about how much they've enjoyed the evening. Things really begin to light up when someone asks about the white bean paté with sun-dried tomatoes that the vegetarian pair had completely devoured. "Those weren't tomatoes. It was bacon." The recipe, which I related with gusto, uses a full pound of it — the grease is used to flavor the dip, and the bacon is only partially cooked so it stays moist and chewy.

... and it gets better.

The various bowls and plates the vegetarians had emptied contained, among other things, onions sautéed in rendered duck fat, vegetables soaked in vinaigrette that was seasoned with pulverized anchovies, a tomato compote containing beef stock and, best of all, a lumpy soup made from goose blood and bone marrow. The vegetarians went green — and one of them puked a little bit, just enough to puff his cheeks, which he promptly swallowed, probably hoping that nobody would notice. But everyone did. When Peter pointed out that he'd swallowed meat twice, he went off like a geyser.

People cheered.

I was kept kind of busy with a couple of bath towels and a whole lot of lemon-scented Lysol, so I didn't notice when they left — but I'm pretty sure it was a hasty exit. Rachel went with them, and didn't come back until two days later to pick up her things. Monday at the office, everyone who'd attended tells me it was the best Thanksgiving they ever had.

... go figger.

Note: may not be my story
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 16:51, 12 replies)
Hours in and we have a winner already!
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 17:05, closed)
I sincerely hope
none of the guests abstained from meat for religious reasons, because in such a case pulling that kind of juvenile crap is even more reprehensible.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 17:07, closed)
it is unclear to me
how sincerely held (secular) vegetarian beliefs are somehow less worthy than sincerely held (religious) vegetarian beliefs.

In any case, were the V crowd misinformed about the comestibles, or did they just assume they were vegetarian?
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 17:29, closed)
It's unclear
to me too.

But still agree with louveciennes about the reprehensibleness.
(, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 14:07, closed)
Don't see a mention of any lying to them or such like
Just sounds like they made assumptions and we all know where that usually leads - Someone gets a gobful of meat.

They probably didn't noitce the meat content of the snacks because they were too busy irritating the non-veggies in the other room.

Top story :D
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 18:21, closed)
can i just say
in all seriousness to louveciennes is there any chance you could just go and fuck your self

no seriously, with a leg of pork
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 18:41, closed)
this, just this.

Sorry louveciennes (or however you spell it), nothing personal, but it's not like he killed thier baby, he just let their own wankerism fuck them up.

top story.

(, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 9:57, closed)
Hahaha, ace!
I'm coming to yours for Thanksgiving!
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 18:03, closed)

What's wrong with the standard veggie option- don't eat the fucking meat and cope with what else is on offer?
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 18:05, closed)
All of those but the lumpy blood soup sound so good!
(, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 22:50, closed)
Shame about the "Note: may not be my story"
But have a click anyway!
(, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 15:48, closed)
I am a veggie, have been since three years of age. A while ago my gf bought some chocolate puds from sainsburys, she chose them cos they came in these little terracotta pots. I took two mouthfuls to determine that there was meat based produce in it; a glance at the ingredients revealed pork gelatine - it was the texture, not the taste that gave it away. So I find it a bit hard to believe that these people ate all that stuff without the vaugest clue that any of it was meaty...
(, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 19:36, closed)

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