Respect & trust are the basis of a happy relationship
When we moved in together, my girlfriend asked me to promise that I would never again look at naked women on the Internet, and so I promised.
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A ball gag counts as clothing, right?


EDIT: Original Punchline was "Thank God for shemales!"
(Plyck, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 13:56, Reply)

Actually...
Thinking about it, its probably the same reason why men tend to be silent during orgasm
(bigquack, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 13:51, Reply)

FlatteredBaps
Buy him The Beano. That Minnie is a Minx!
(fannyface, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 13:48, Reply)

My girlfriend found my porn on the laptop and totally freaked
Mind you, it was resting on her back as I rearended her...
(Light, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 13:41, Reply)

Psychology?
One feels that, by and large, hiding porn on your computer is more of an entrenched position learned in your teens when you *really* don't want your parents to find it and becomes habit in later life.

Perhaps some people don't want to take the risk of finding out how their significant other would respond to it? There are a lot of prudes out there after all...

Gosh that was a bit serious. Length? Would post a jpeg, but your screen isn't wide enough.
(bigquack, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 13:34, Reply)

D.I.V.O.R.C.E
I knew my marriage was over when I discovered that my (now ex) husband had added a new website to his favourites: quickie-divorce.com.

On the porn vs girlfriend debate: My ex-husband didn't do porn & we had a largely rubbish sex life; my new boyfriend does and we... well, you can guess. That equation makes me think porn's fine thanks.

Is that intimate & personal enough for a first post?
(I Love Your Shoes, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 13:15, Reply)

More pron
One of our (now ex) employees used to regularly trawl our PCs at work for interesting JPEGS (even got so far as to write a script to do it). Actually, he didn't just trawl our PCs, he trawled every PC he had admin rights over.

He also used to have, *ahem* unusual browsing habits.

One day, he was off for some reason. One of us logged on to his PC and did a search for any JPEGS or movies.. Well. Let me say that what we found was shocking. Two movies that spring to mind are one involving a man and a chicken (I kid you not) and one involving a man's penis and a pair of high heel boots.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 12:59, Reply)

50+
Always good for the "Readers' Mums" section.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 12:51, Reply)

grr boy
I totally agree with you on this one.

Not only do I know by boyfriend indulges in the odd "erotic art-viewing" session, but I like to join him!

And I buy him porn for his birthdays/christmas/valentine's day. Not sure which magazine to buy today, any suggestions anyone?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 12:47, Reply)

Adult art
My girlfriend found my porn the other day.

Not entirely supprising as it is in a folder called c:\porn and was in no way hidden.

Y'know what? She didn't care. She knows I look at porn sometimes. Shes an adult and Im an adult, and she knows guys like looking at naked ladies.

Its not like its cheating on her or anything - all you guys that are on about hiding your porn are just weird. If the girlfriend/wife goes weird about you looking at filth, then shes the one with the problem.
Stop hiding things from her, be a little more honest, and show her the porn occaisonaly.
Dont start by showing her the ass-to-mouth stuff, start with something... simplier.. y'never know.. she might even like it.

Its better this way, trust me. If you have to hide things like that, you'll both end up disappointed and bitter. Get a different girlfriend.
(grr_boy, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 12:41, Reply)

The Joys of Wi-Fi
Not me but some friends of mine. Doing uni coursework at a friends flat, they decided to have a browse of all the local available wireless networks on his laptop. One of the available signals was coming from the flat next door. Being a bit of a nosey prick, he had a look around said neighbours computer, the password for access being the rather unimaginative 'password'. Largely uninteresting in the whole (christian newsletters, youth club subscriptions etc.) they were surprised to find a cache of gay pornography, centred around mexican men wrestling.

The girl whos flat they were at now double locks her door every night, though why I'm not quite sure, being female and neither mexican nor a wrestler

*Pop*
(himseelf, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 12:27, Reply)

sure-fire way to protect yourself from porn-related consequences.

Do what I do. Have virtually no friends, no girlfriend, and no contact with your parents. Problem solved!

(hangs self)
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 11:39, Reply)

zipping
I agree that zipping the lot is the best way to go, along with remaing the extension...I would also suggest that the file needs password protected as the renamed file will still appear in winzips recently accessed files.

Personally I always found it fun to put in a couple of 'flag' files, like a fluffy kitten picture renamed 'pussy.jpg' or similar to flag up when the missus is on the prowl/getting suspicious.

On a theme similar to the majority of the posts here, I got asked to look over the computer of the father of the ex-missus bigquack, as he had a virus on the system he couldn't shift. Quick browse through the files indicated a half-hearted attempt to delete the vast swathes of teen porn on the machine (slightly disturbing, but then the ex-missus-in-law had a face worse than a slapped arse so one can hardly blame the chap). Kept it quiet from the ex-missus who had a zero-tolerance policy on such issues (bloody rabid feminist, though amusingly she later went on to sell battery-operated boyfriends for a living - very empowering I'm sure), though having read some of the other stories here my vow of silence is weakening...
(bigquack, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 11:01, Reply)

hiding pr0n
stick it in a folder in your My Programs folder and then set it to Hidden. Set the views to 'Do not show Hidden Folders'.

Also rename every pic / movie to be something like aa.jpg ab.jpg etc.

(or like me you can end up showing your gf's friends some movies of summer holiday and have your playlist littered with words like '0grasm' and 'lebaisn') - Im not sure what they thought I was going to show them.
(cowkicker, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 10:46, Reply)

ITcunts.....
When making arrangements for calndistine meetings with the girl from human resorses so you can give her one up the wrong'un in the toilets, it's a good idea to use the telephone and not the company e-mail system.

I discovered this when the IT manager threw a bucket of cold water over the top of the trap, whilst me and the young lady in question were in mid grunt/scream.

He laughed like ming the merciless on acid aswell.Cunt.

Then told the entire company. I then had to put up with six months of being called the arse bandit, before I left for a better but less fruitfull life.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 9:33, Reply)

Being in the former relationship that I was,
I looked at fucking buckets of porn whilst my former g/f was downstairs watching shit TV. She never found out (although I'm sure she probably suspected)as I had THE FUCKING COMMON SENSE TO TURN OFF THE SODDING AUTOCOMPLETE!
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 8:04, Reply)

I can't even catch myself looking at porn.
These posts make it sound like your computer will easily show you what pictures you've looked at on the net.

I tried to make it display some porn pictures that I keep going back to, so I don't have to go to the actual site.

I can't make it do it.


PS I keep going back to them not because I'm a crazy stalker-type person who thinks that the Suicide Girls would really like me if they met me, or because I'm only into goats weeing on pregnant turtles or whatever. It's because there don't seem to be many pictures of larger yet not-obese women out there. What 'chubby' means in pron terms is somewhat shiversome.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 7:17, Reply)

A proper outage
Going back over a decade, a friend of mine had run out of space on his PC. Not a problem, I had a spare hard drive kicking around the office, so I offered to lend it to him until he could afford a bigger one.

A few months later, he gave it back to me as he'd upgraded and the drive was no longer required. I didn't really need it either, so it just sat in a desk drawer for a while.

Then came the question: "You did format that drive before you re-used it, didn't you?" The answer out of my mouth was "Yes, I'm pretty sure I did." The answer going on in my head was "I haven't, and I wonder why I should have done."

So it was now dilemma time. Conscience versus curiosity, and no prizes for guessing which won. The drive was loaded to the hilt with gay porn, both pictures and stories.

I pondered on it for a while and eventually made up some bullshit story about finding the drive months later, wondering what it was and so having a look and finding all of this stuff. The result? He rather dramatically came out of the closet. To me, to his family, to anyone who was prepared to listen.

But my role didn't end there. He needed a lot of hand-holding, and as a result, him, me and a gay friend of mine ended up touring the seedier gay bars of Liverpool. I didn't have a problem with that (worst case scenario is I'd have to say "sorry mate, I'm not interested") but to make matters more interesting, I'd developed a severe bladder infection and on one night kept meeting the same blokes in the toilet who no doubt thought I was there for the same reasons that they were.

But 'mind opening' experiences aside, he's now happily paired off (well as happy as you can be in a long-term monogamous relationship) and at least nobody's wondering why he can't find a girlfriend anymore. I often wonder how much longer he'd have carried on living the lie if I hadn't mentioned what I'd found on that hard drive.
( Horatio P Lemming, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 22:37, Reply)

The curse of MSN
When sending a MSN about a particularly obnoxious colleague which reads, "Gary's being a c*nt again", always make sure that you click the person you want to send the message TO, not the person you're talking about. Learned this from bitter experience.

Although, in my defence, Gary went quiet and stopped being a c*nt for about an hour. Nothing was ever mentioned about the incident.
(superscape blames it on the bogie, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 22:36, Reply)

Not pron...
Just for a change; a non-pron story from my best mate.

IT manager at his work was negotiating the redundancy of two people in his department. By definition, the potentially redundant people were all IT pros. Which is how & why they loaded his machine with all manner of illicit material and then called in the professional conduct team.

He denied all knowledge.

But then again, he would wouldn't he?

BOFH strikes again!
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 22:28, Reply)

Please don't do that again, mother!
I just got dumped by my girlfriend because I've got pictures of purplefairy's boobies on my 'pooter.

*fwap*

How ironic.
(trebizond, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 22:15, Reply)

There must be something wrong with me.
I am a woman and I know that my boyfriend has a porn folder, but unlike some of the women some guys on here have got involved with, I am not going to dump him as I dont see anything wrong with him having porn.
FFS its not like he's cheating! Sorry I just had to get it out of my system as it pisses me off how some women are prepare to end a perfectly good relationship over some pic/vids of girls hes never even met.
In fact I enjoy looking at my boyfriends porn, it makes me horny!
Thankyou, rant over!
(purplefairy, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 21:52, Reply)

internet explorer ruined my marriage!
Don’t panic it's not a daily mail headline.

Some years ago I found myself newly married to what I believed to be a delightful young lady. (Important clarification point, she was indeed a woman, just not very nice) and as course as we were now married and she had me firmly trapped in her web she had developed a permanent headache and my balls were taking on watermelon like proportions.

So being the healthy active young male that I am, I turned to the internet to provide mw with he stress relief I sorely needed. Being reasonably paranoid I took the effort to clean up the cookies and IE's history.

But as I soon realised I had failed to clean up all traces of my illicit fwappage. Cue one very tearful and shouty phone call from my wife after IE has thoughtfully auto completed the Url she was typing and presented her with a face full of lady bits (so to speak)

Well sooner than you can say ouch stop hitting me (ok 2 months actually, but that doesn't have the same ring) I was out the door and single again, with nothing but the bruises on my back, the clothes I stood up in and the pair of shoes she threw at my head.

Still you've got to laugh.
( Rhubarb_Triangle, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 21:16, Reply)

Messiaen
grandmasterfluffies - frankly, I think his perversion sounds quite, well, normal compared to Messiaen.

but then, I'm just bitter because I could never get my fingers around 'Transports de Joie'. As it were
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 20:57, Reply)

Why would I spend my time on the internet looking at porn
When I can use it instead to laugh heartily at stuff on B3ta?

Incidentally, it is my belief that the 'best of' page this week should consist entirely of apeloverage's posts.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 19:48, Reply)

.
Nothing to exciting about my Auto Complete..

except my mum thinks I am a bit weird now seeing as the only thing the auto complete wants to return is the words

"SIEG HEIL! CORNELIUS DREBBEL!"
(Sticky Shocker!, Mon 13 Feb 2006, 18:32, Reply)