My mate is into his RC racing
He showed me this video which made me laugh hard when i saw it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHAfHkQeh6I
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Mon 26 Jul 2010, 19:02, 1 reply)

lampshade dog
you just can't help it. it's not the dog's fault, but that doesn't change the fact that when you see a dog with one of those lampshade collars on, trying not to laugh is a fight you will lose.
much like me about an hour ago. the evil glare i got from the dog's owner was justified, but totally worth it. i didn't stop giggling for a good 5 minutes :)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 18:40, 7 replies)

If you laugh you´re a bad person, apparently...

(misshotlips, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:49, 14 replies)

This is cruel i know... but...
At my old college a few years ago, we used to cater for handicapped students aswell as 'normal' students. Almost always i would tut and stare dissaprovingly at any student who would maybe take the piss out of the special kids as it was cruel and shallow.

Except of course for the time when one of the 'special' kids quite boldy ran away from the rest of the group towards the special bus and with quite a bit of difficulty managed to operate the handle and open the passenger door - before exclaiming quite loudly 'LOOK AT ME, I've OPENED THE DOOR!' - complete with a large snot bubble protruding from his nose.

Okay not even slightly funny, but a tiny part of my brain realised just how tragic their lives are when their greatest achievement of the day is managing to operate a door handle.

I have no idea why this was funny, but i had to cover up my laughter by pretending i was choking and coughing, just as their care assistants walked past me.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:44, 2 replies)

Full face transplant man reveals his new look on TV

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10765005




local man i presume...


( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:17, 13 replies)

On the way home from school.
I remember being the age of 16 walking home from school with a couple of mates. One of them was a new boy to our school. He was expelled for some reason or other but I knew him before hand as he was from around the area.

On route back home there is a width restriction for vehicles on the lane. A queue of traffic had formed with a group of people around the restriction. As we got closer we noticed a woman had been hit by a car. She seemed ok but laying in the middle of the road trying to get back up to her feet but having trouble due to the shock.

As we got closer the new boy said "that's a mate of mines mum!" and with that the three of us started to laugh uncontrollably and just carried on walking pass the scene with tears.
(Headsbollockskuntz, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)

STOP DELETING IT, YOU DIV

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:01, 1 reply)

I want to take his face..... off!!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10765005

I can't help but laugh at this!!! and Nic Cage thought looking like John Travolta was bad, imagine looking like a human sex doll!
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 15:27, 1 reply)

I don't know why I'm posting this...
As it's utterly monstrous and you'll all hate me forever and I'll have to change username and build up a whole new identity - again.

Still, fuck it:

A mate and I were sitting in the back of a coach somewhere between Ankara and Cappadocia. The road was straight and the typical speed- demon of a Turkish driver was seizing the opportunity to floor it when we reached a small, unattractive town that had somehow developed along this stretch of dusty highway.

Driver maintains his speed; suddenly a wet, meaty THUD! The coach swerves back and forth and comes, eventually, to a screeching halt. My friend and I peer out of the back window and in the distance, but just close enough to discern, was the very dead body of a child, aged around ten, and the crumpled remains of his bike.

Being the only foreigners on board, my pal and I just decided to stay put. Some people got off the coach. Some locals began to remonstrate noisily with the driver; Hysterical man, clearly a relative, probably Dad, was being held back from physically assaulting the driver...

And me? I literally had to bite the back of my hand until it bled to stop the laughter. I sort of slumped forward so that I was invisible to the people still on the coach, my body shaking with mirth. And the more I knew that I would probably be kicked to death if anyone on the bus sussed me, the funnier it became.

I try not to think about it these days because it still reduces me to fits of giggles. Hull's too good for me.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:56, 41 replies)

Dead dog jokes:
Someone told me they had to put their dog down with cancer the other day. I opined that there must have been a kinder way to put the dog down.

Well, my dad found it hilarious anyway.
( maninahat Too many cocks spoil the brothel., Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:19, 3 replies)

floodlit shit

before anyone complains it was mrs spimf who suggested i post this

Many moons ago when mrs spimf and i were 'courting' as old people might say, we had a nice wee drive up the coast from Dundee where i was at University.

Anyway, we ended up at Broughty Ferry where we had a lovely day and decided to park on the seafront and watch the sunset. We found a gravel car park that basically meandered onto the sandy shore with no discernable boundary NB this is not a tide / car sinking tale.

I had a wee joint and got into that warm cosy, cant be arsed mode just as mrs spimf decided to wreak the moment with her now familiar plaintiff cry - 'I need to go for a wee'.

I had a quick glance around and saw there were 5 or 6 cars dotted around the car park behind us filed with likeminded couples, by now it was also proper dark so I suggested to mrs spimf she go al fresco. mrs spimf reluctantly whispered that it was 'not just a wee she needed'. I saw no real issue with this and said so - after she calmed down and smoothed her feathers she eventually agreed, but only on the basis i watch out for her - in case 'something happened' so we agreed she would go in front of the car in the dark and i would watch out for her 'safety' but not 'look' at her. i still dont understand that.

So there she is squatting down in front of the car carefully out of view of the other people parked further back.

It took a few seconds for me to rouse from my cannabis-induced stupor and realise the potential of the situation. I wriggled across into the drivers seat reversed back a few yards, while turning left, then flooded the crouching, shouting and gesticulating mrs spimf with the full beam for all to see.

She wasn’t happy. I laughed. A lot.

floodlit shit part deux

a few years back mrs spimf and i went camping in a lovely part of scotland. at the time she had a nancy looking little white toy poodle - to be fair the little fucker was as hard as nails and would have the hand off you at any opportunity but he was according to mrs spimf 'her little prince'. He only ever ate grilled chicken breast, pan fried liver (with a little dash of red wine naturally) or chocolate. He would walk on paths to avoid wet grass and would NEVER step in a puddle. i was also told that his toilet habits were ‘impeccable’.

After a day or so enjoying the Scottish scenery at our little campsite mrs spimf announced she need to go to the loo however being a girly girl she wanted me to drive half an hour or so to the nearest village so we could find a loo. Naturally I informed my dearest that she could shit behind a bush like any other normal person. After she calmed down and smoothed her feathers I handed her a bog roll.

She wasn’t happy.

Muttering threats she trudged off - presumably looking for a particularly floral bush.
She did however seem happier on her return though so the mood improved considerably – right up to the point she realised the dog was missing.

A quick inspection of the surrounding woods revealed ‘her little price’ behind a bush happily munching away on his beloved owners still warm shit.

It took even longer for me to stop laughing than it took her to clean the dirty little fucker up.

‘impeccable’ toilet habits. Pfft!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:56, 6 replies)

Stephen Lynch - Special Olympics
The first time I saw this video I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so hard. The lyrics alone are funny enough, but it's his expressions during the song that makes him even more hilarious. Not for the faint hearted that's for sure.

Here's a link and the lyrics underneath:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IFUNIa2NU8

"Watch them run, watch them fall,
Watch them try to catch a ball, olympics
Special olympics.

Watch them laugh, watch them drool,
Watch them fall into the pool, that's diving.
The special olympics.

And I know full well, that I will burn in hell,
But those guys playing wheelchair basketball gotta be about the funniest fuckin' thing I've ever seen in my life,
At the special olympics.

Kid with downs wins the race, even though he stood in place, olympics.
At the special olympics.

Around his neck, gold medals hung.
Resting on his giant tongue, olympics.
Special olympics.

But I kid when I sing, cause these games are a beautiful thing.
Okay, really, I'm just avoiding karma, 'cus I know my kids could be born blind, crippled, semi-retarded and I'll have to spend all of my time...
At the special olympics."
( Fat Fred too weird to live, too rare to die, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:55, 3 replies)

One morning at secondary school
my English professor trudged silently into my classroom. He sat at his desk with a solemn look on his face and proceeded to tell the class that his mother was in the hospital dying. The poor bloke started to ball his eyes out and from the far end of the room I heard an almost silent snicker. Because of the awkwardness of the situation, a domino effect of laughter bestowed upon the entire class. Or so I thought. It was just me, laughing myself to the point of tears, while everyone stared at me in awe. When I finished my fit, I lifted my head up and excused myself, leaving the room still giving a chuckle or two on my way out the door.


I'm a horrible person. =|
(SMD, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

All things bright and beautiful
So there we were, a bunch of us dressed up to the nines, in our kilts. My mates and I were attending a posh do, the wedding of a friend of ours in a very grand cathedral.

So the bride appeared, and the ceremony started. So far so good. Then the minister announced we'd all sing the first hymn on the sheet, All Things Bright and Beautiful. Not if any of you have sung this song, you may know that the second verse begins "The purple-headed mountains..."

Just as we started to sing this line, I got a nudge from Billy next to me. And I got the giggles. About such a puerile thing as a purple head. I must have sniggered and chortled through the whole of the rest of the ceremony, and no doubt had a purple face, if not my whole head, by the end of it.

The couple whose wedding it was got divorced a few years later, as she'd been playing with another man's purple head, but that's another story.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:51, 1 reply)

Bloody cyclist jumps red light (what cyclists don't?)
In the middle of the crossing, he hits a pothole sending him flying arse over tit over the handlebars.

It wasn't so much guilty laughter as getting The Sexy Horn of Rightousness.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:30, 51 replies)

When Automatic Doors Attack...
In April this year me and husband decided to visit Bruges (Its in Belgium). A very popular tourist place is the Half Moon Brewery. It does tours of the brewery and also has a little cafe next to it. Due to the bizaare building layout, the queue for the tour can sometimes run into the cafe - where the automatic door hatches its plan.

We were sat in the cafe in tears laughing at as the evil glass automatic door would wait until somebody *just* moved out of the sensor, where it would close and try and eat the poor tourist. It tried to take one guys backpack off his back by sliding neatly between them and his suprised expression set us off howling again. We stayed in there for about an hour just saying to each other "watch him in red, its gonna get him - owch".

Great place!
(Soutiejie Is a happy lady on, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:23, 4 replies)

Beware
the giggle loop!
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 12:45, 2 replies)

Turd on a twig?
I would like to begin by expressing my deepest regret with regards to my actions. I am normally a very conscientious dog owner and pick up all of his public dog poops.

But…

One day I forgot dog poop bags on my daily dog walking journey. I did attempt to will the poor dog into keeping his bottom hole shut, but nature took over and he began to do the shit shuffle. Oh dear, thought I. I paused next to the pile for a lengthy period, waiting for a fellow dog walker to meander past and take pity. I had no such luck, so I hatched a plan. I got a very long stick and decided that I was going to flick the poo into the river. Brilliant! It was so magnificent and ridiculous, sending turds shooting into the (already extraordinarily polluted) river that I started guffawing. I was so full of laughter that I didn’t notice a) the group of (presumably) tourists walking towards me and b) that I was essentially wielding shit on a stick.

The looks on the poor souls’ faces! I bet when they booked their trip to Oxford, they figured on beautiful iconic buildings and maybe doing a literary tour. They didn’t bargain on a mad hysterical woman waving around a turd on a twig.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 12:38, 2 replies)