On holiday
in Magaluf (the shame; I was only 18) and my friends and I were being harassed those little pikey looking kids and old women that sell flowers and ‘lucky’ heather. I could see Steve getting more and more annoyed at one particular kid who would just not leave him alone; he kept pulling on Steve's arm trying to get him to purchase a manky looking rose.

Despite numerous ‘no thanks’ and then a few ‘not today’s’, the kid would just not give up, and kept thrusting the flower in Steve’s face. We all carried on walking away from him but still he followed us; it was like he was taking enjoyment from winding us up. It was fucking annoying, but I shrugged it off, it happened pretty much every night and I had to admire their resilience as most people told them to fuck off as they approached.

After a good couple of minutes of being subjected to a very bad sales pitch, Steve finally snapped.

“CCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNTTTTTT!!!”

He shouted with such ferocity that I thought his eyes would pop out. The little kid almost left the floor; I swear his head tipped back slightly from the force of the actual shout. He was obviously rattled and didn’t know what to do. He stood and stared blankly for what seemed like an eternity, whilst Steve sounded the ‘T’ of ‘cunt’ with fists clenched tightly and eyes closed. Steve was shaking slightly, getting every last bit of pronunciation out.

The kid then turned and ran – straight into a sandwich board outside a club. He hit it from point blank range, and with such a force, that he fell to the ground and the board collapsed on top of him. Steve was still hunched over, now shouting ‘cunt’ at nobody in particular, just the void which the little boy had left. We all started to laugh at the boy (who still had the flower clasped tightly in his hand) and he just lay, wondering what had just happened.

To top it all off, a rather rotund woman then went over to him and pulled him to his feet by his ear, before giving him a swift boot up the arse.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 11:51, 16 replies)

*click*
Why does this never happen to charity muggers?
( .Yeti., Tue 27 Jul 2010, 12:04, closed)

Sometimes I wish it would
I got stopped the other day by a guy who wasn't even wearing a brightly-coloured tabard, just a little card on a chain around his neck. "What charity?" I asked. "Christian Aid," he said. "Not a chance." He then followed me up the street trying to persuade me, I had to actually turn around and tell him that there's not a snowball's chance in a supernova of me ever giving any money to anything with the word "Christian" in front of it to which he replied sarcastically "You're a nice guy, you know that?"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 12:29, closed)

At which point, I'm hoping,
you set fire to his balls.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 12:30, closed)

Should've
Lamped him. Christian style.

For christians to criticise anyone after two millenia of cruelty to others is a bit rich!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 12:37, closed)

Presumably
he would then have stood back up and offered the other cheek
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 13:05, closed)

can't guarantee it's true, but I've been told they're only allowed to follow you for three steps. Any further, you can report then to their superiors, and get them the sack. Apparently.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 12:40, closed)

This is gospel true.

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 21:26, closed)

Should've said
"Judge not lest ye be judged."
(lolwhites, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 12:43, closed)

Or
"If you're such a big Christian, I've heard there's a spot going in the arena with the lions."
( .Yeti., Tue 27 Jul 2010, 13:31, closed)

I guess that depends on how mangy/obese the ones at the zoo are

But fat lions chasing people?
:D
( Trogdos The Raging Cuntmuffin, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 16:02, closed)

Red Cross
Admirable organisation but they're sending Chuggers to people's front doors trying to get them to sign up for a £10 a month direct debit. I was actually at my parents' house in London when this twat turned up. They're pretty elderly so I'm glad I was there. Fucking unbelievable.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 14:11, closed)

One of them
did that to me. Spotted my 50" plasma and said that I could clearly afford it. I could be in crippling debt for all he knows! He also said 'all your neighbours are doing it'. He should get a job that pays commission.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 14:17, closed)

He's got one
I guarantee he works for Cobra Group, and gets about 20 quid per sign-up.
And Happybara: complain. They're not allowed to try it on with pensioners, so if your parents qualify as such it could get him a bollocking.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 21:27, closed)

I was once tired and annoyed.
I had just returned from a trip to Scandinavia and I wanted to buy a book from the town-centre borders before making my way home.
As I walked accross town I noticed a lot of young people questioning passers by in a "please give me money" style.
I was tired and in no mood to talk to anyone.
I made it to the book shop without incident but, unfortunately, on my way back to the station a young girl approached me and asked "do you like animals?". Now, ordinarily I would have ignored such a thing, but I was tired and sad to have left Scandinavia so I simply replied "I like to eat them!?" and smiled -- the expression on her face had me chuckling as I walked off.

(I would just like to point out that, while I do eat animals a lot, I don't think they should be tortured or anything [and whale is tasty])
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 18:00, closed)

Good answer
I've fallen into the "yes of course I do" "well then why aren't you a vegan you orrible cunt" trap before. Tedious.
( Cloudane, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 18:59, closed)

^^
Isn't whale yummy? It's like the best steak you've ever had in your life-thick and juicy and well-marbled and sizzling... Mmmmm, I miss Whale. And seal, too.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 3:04, closed)