when i was a young and naive 18 year old swipe, we went to the comedy store for a friend's birthday
being young and naive, we sat right on the front row. we thought we did well getting these seats, for we knew no better.

we came in for a bit of light ribbing, especially my then boyfriend oswald for having a stupid posh name and being in the army, but nothing too bad. i was v flattered when the skinny dude who did impressions asked me to meet him in the bar for a drink afterwards (i recognised him on tv a few years later - it was alistair macgowan) and all in all was having a great night.

then disaster struck. there was a sweaty fat man on the stage talking about catholicism. he pointed down at me and said, "this one in the purple shirt can come up and share my moral high ground any time she likes. she's gorgeous."

quick as a flash, my beloved boyfriend cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed at the top of his voice, "HE'S LYING!!!"

cunt. people were laughing at me (and agreeing with oswald) for what felt like about an hour :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:15, 38 replies)

still ... at least you were completely lacking in self-respect as well as being unattractive

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:17, closed)

lucky for you that your wife was just the same

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:21, closed)

yeah ... she's always allowing herself to be publicly humiliated by an obnoxious hooray

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:24, closed)

or a "wedding day" as you probably called it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:24, closed)

not sure where you're going with this
it's not really my fault that you've used this venue to admit that you were in an abusive relationship ... it's not exactly a deep vein of comedy

I'm sure it was pretty grim but you appear to have more or less recovered ... I can pretend to be sympathetic or happy for you or summat?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:30, closed)

Or you could just
You know be quiet. Just saying
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:36, closed)

dunno who you are or what you're on about. soz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:37, closed)

You don't know angryattheinternetman?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:48, closed)

all the angry internet white knights just blur into one buzzy swarm of whiny wasps

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:06, closed)

Grrrr i am so angry right now
I nearly pole vaulted off my horse in spitting rage
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:52, closed)

can you just tell me which one of us is meant to be upset?
ta
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:02, closed)

I've no idea. We need emvee or one of the other Internet Prefects to tell us.
It's probably me though. I'm always Upset Online even when I'm no online. Which is never.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:05, closed)

let's both be upset

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:06, closed)

worst internet flirting ever

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:07, closed)

shut up and hold my pie

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:07, closed)

you'll get nowt back but a greasy paper bag

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:17, closed)

scratch and sniff

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:17, closed)

small mercies.
large bangers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:21, closed)

not when i was 18
it was like 2 pink smarties on an ironing board
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:21, closed)

PODH

(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:32, closed)

Pics Of David Hasselhoff?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:06, closed)

Pissed on dirty harridan

(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:49, closed)

Charles Michael Kittridge Thompson IV is not an intentional comedian.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:27, closed)

Yep yep yep yep

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:51, closed)

So did you pull Alistair McGowan
Or what?
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:41, closed)

fuck no
i stuck with the loser who dumped me days after our finals.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:01, closed)

I don't want to be a horrible misogynist or owt
but some young women are fucking idiots
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:03, closed)

i liked him at the time
in hindsight it was a waste of 3 years' shagging, to stick with the one dude. sigh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:07, closed)

You could have got him to impersonate Oswald when you were shagging.
Might have eased your conscience a bit.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:33, closed)

You are a fucking idiot.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:48, closed)

And you didn't take the opportunity, there and then,
to publicly humiliate Oswald, by dramatically dumping him in front of everyone? That'd have been genuinely hilarious.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:56, closed)

that's the honda accord version

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:06, closed)

With a name like Oswald, I'm not surprised he was a cunt.
Must have been mercilessly mocked for his first 20 years, and his way of dealing with it was to deflect onto the people close to him. What a cunt.

Never has anyone deserved a Honda Accord more than Os-"Bullied Till He Broke"-Wald.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:09, closed)

it wasn't really oswald
names changed to protect the horrific.

but it wasn't much better.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:17, closed)