My missus is like an amateur hoarder
Like Big D below, I have a box at the back of a cupboard that contains cables, wires, transformers (of the electrical kind, the toys are all up on display shelves), chargers and all the accessories and detritus that came with every computer system I've owned since the Spectrum 48k. Now my missus bought me a new mp3 player for Christmas. It's a lovely little thing, a 20Gb Sony Walkman that fulfils everything I want from an mp3 player, but the crucial part is that (apart from its headphones) it only came with one USB cable, which it uses for both recharging and acquiring music from my laptop. And while one end of the cable is USB, the other is a proprietary connection so I'm unable to replace this cable unless I go cap in hand to Sony.

So considering this cable is the only thing preventing my very useful mp3 player from becoming a shiny black paperweight, I keep it next to my laptop. And then my missus will "tidy up" around my desk, and because this cable looks like "mess", she'll squirrel it away into the big box of cables at the back of the cupboard, or worse, into her own big box of cables under the bed, where at first glance it's indistinguishable from the millions of other black USB cables we've accumulated over the years.

I suppose I should count my blessings though - I used to go out with a girl who would unplug and "tidy away" my phone chargers into a box under the stairs. When we moved out, there were three of the bastards in there, explaining why I could never find one when I needed to charge my phone.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 May 2012, 11:29, 36 replies)

That drives me nuts.
My wife is a bit of a neat freak. I can't say how many times I've sked her NOT to unplug the stray cables from my computer and squirrel them away in a cupboard somewhere.

1 Ipod cable.
1 normal USB
1 micro USB.

I use all of them all the time, but most times I go to use one, it's gone.
(username failed moderation, Tue 8 May 2012, 11:38, closed)

I had an ex Mrs who was the same.
As soon as I put a docking station on the end of the USB iPod cable though, she left it alone. Apparently that looked tidier.

Right.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 8 May 2012, 11:40, closed)

There's a solution
Actually, there are several. The one I would suggest is putting a label on the cable (inadvertent poetry) indicating what it is used for.
(ianisme, Tue 8 May 2012, 12:03, closed)

Or break
her fucking arms.
(username failed moderation, Tue 8 May 2012, 12:05, closed)

^^^hahaa!^^^...

(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 8 May 2012, 12:06, closed)

Hahahahaha
After a particularly frustrating morning the other week, this is what I eventually plumped for - the cable now sports a massive label reading I AM NOT "MESS" on one side and TIDYING ME AWAY IS REALLY UNLUCKY on the other. Since then it hasn't strayed at all :)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 May 2012, 12:08, closed)

That is brilliant...

Click for the OP and that reply.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 8 May 2012, 12:17, closed)

She sounds like a fucking idiot
you're well matched there
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 12:21, closed)

Still not found anyone as cretinously stupid as yourself then, Rory?
You must be very lonely indeed.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 May 2012, 14:01, closed)

You’re definitely winning at the game of life Emvs, you still ask Optimus Prime which child like clothes you should wear to your dead end job arranging paperclips somewhere whilst shooting mega action spectaculars on your nokia phone at the weekends

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 14:30, closed)

I can see why the old man hates you

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 14:31, closed)

you also have a made up girlfriend who you have to communicate with via the medium of large signs

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 14:31, closed)

On top of all that you look like a bender with aids

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 14:32, closed)

Keep going
I'm wanking to this, and I'm almost there
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 May 2012, 14:40, closed)

I love seeing comedy t-shirts, especially on middle aged comic nerds.
Which one are you wearing today lol?


I hope it's funny lol
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 16:00, closed)

You know, about 9 years ago someone gave me a comedy T-shirt as a gift, that was someone who knew me slightly less well than you do
It read: "Ignore this person", and then an arrow pointing to the side

I'm thinking they were perhaps more prescient than I suspected at the time
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 May 2012, 16:32, closed)

You shouldn't accept gifts from people you don't know or you'll end up molested again
You also have no idea what prescient means.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 17:23, closed)

Oh no, I think they got it spot on
As Captain Subtext would have it, I think the message behind the gift was: "The next person to ask you about comedy T-shirts will be a fucking idiot. Ignore them."
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 May 2012, 18:47, closed)

Anyone over the age of twelve wearing a football top or a comedy t shirt is pretty much a mental defective
Check this cunt out, so autistic he's broken all the rulez

www.flickr.com/photos/planetgeoff/124097025/

www.flickr.com/photos/reckless_rik/121986834/
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 21:13, closed)

I find his thoroughly convincing Marty Feldman impression incredibly moving,
his humbling inability to understand what 'prescient' means had me in tears.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 May 2012, 21:14, closed)

Your profile.

(macroscian (1 like), Wed 9 May 2012, 5:52, closed)

Your mum

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:09, closed)

"Prescient" - having knowledge of the future
"The next person to ask you about comedy T-shirts will be a fucking idiot. Ignore them."

You fucking idiot.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 15:06, closed)

Feh, I didn't keep it on for long
www.flickr.com/photos/planetgeoff/124097073/
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:32, closed)

have a click
For getting up Rorys nose
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:33, closed)

He's like a little amateur troll
one day he might be good at it, but until then I'm more than happy to take the piss out of him

"Look, I found some pictures of Emvee wearing a T-shirt at a bash 8 years ago, through the cunning method of looking for "emvee" and "b3ta" in a Google image search! Aren't I hilarious, and too shitcunt scared to actually turn up to a bash myself because everyone will laugh at what a stupid, fat, sweaty autism I really am."

I think that just about covers it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 15:32, closed)

First you’re winning at the game of life and now you’re winning at the internet, I’m impressed Emvee
Next you’ll be telling people that you’re able to count forward from 2006 until 2012, or even what prescient means !!11! Bit disappointed that it took you a day for your come back on that one and it was still all wrong.
For b4shs I’ve got better things to do than to waste an evening with random tryhard wankers from the internet getting pissed on carling and lolariously declaring themselves to be the knights who say NI !!!!!!!! Check this wigger wanker out, it pretty much covers the above www.flickr.com/photos/crazyjude/410140783/
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:12, closed)

Well done, your mad google skillz are still doing you justice and you've found another picture of me at a b3ta bash
I see you've signed up for the bash this year as well, though I'll wager one of my auction lots that you're too much of a shitcunt little scaredy-arsed pussy to drag your fat arse from Muswell Hill to Earl's Court to show your sorry face.

In fact I fucking guarantee on the 26th May 2012, that rather than meet real people you'll be hiding under your bed while crying and wanking yourself off until sweet oblivion overtakes you and you fall into a teary, spunk-crusted sleep.

How's that for prescient?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:28, closed)

Soz, I meant that here, soz
www.b3ta.com/questions/hoarding/post1610475

You sound very upset emvee, chill bruv. Also it's not very prescient to foresee me not turning up to a b4sh that I've already stated that I won't be going to. You seem to have strong learning difficulties emvs. I feel a bit bad for picking on you now.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:31, closed)

You've already stated that you won't be attending, by putting yourself down as attending, nice one
b3ta.com/calendar/event/23598

Also, to save you the bother, Google image search for emvee b3ta bash look, it's Emvee! At b3ta bashes! Look at him, isn't he funny?

You sadsack wanker.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:45, closed)

Emvee in inability to read or comprehend shocker
www.b3ta.com/questions/hoarding/post1610458
I didn't even google it, you're up on the calendar flickr pool. I can't say that I've presented any of them as funny, which kindof puts me off lolb4shing, I have called you a tryhard wanker if that helps. There's also a strong sense of gone off milk about all your imagined 'wakiness'.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:54, closed)

No, what puts you off lolbashing is that you are a fat, autistic, stay-at-home sadsack with no social skills whatsoever
The fact that there are photos of me on the internet, and that some cripplingly retarded interfatty keeps reposting them in this thread doesn't bother me in the slightest - I'm far more entertained by how much effort you're putting into all of this. Let's face it, you're wanking over the one of me with my shirt off even as I type this.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:00, closed)

You've seen through me Emvee, there's no way a fat spastic would ever fit in at a b4sh, no siree
Take this scene, I could sit next to these atypical lolb4shorz with my pint of mild and chirp in with NI whenever I felt bored.
www.flickr.com/photos/planetgeoff/58173508/
Comedy t-shirts, zombying, chubby birds, you*are*living*the*dream. I don't know why you're so angry and embarrassed about me reposting stuff from calendar. It's like three clicks away, so it's not really that much bother at all.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:10, closed)

Yes, well done - I'm angry and embarrassed, which is why I posted a link to more of them
Ah well, I suppose it keeps you from pestering real people

Keep going
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:18, closed)

So far my most despairing emvee b4sh on calendar is the one where you all sat in a pub taking it in turns to wear the same balloon. I'm struggling with that not being a display of crippling autistic behaviour.
Which is your most despairing Emvee b4sh on calendar?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:26, closed)

You've obviously matured out of wearing comedy t-shirts
www.flickr.com/photos/james_godwin/5772597044/in/pool-77617660@N00/
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:30, closed)

Rory
Aren't you dead yet (apart from your brain obviously)?
No? Pity.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 10 May 2012, 11:21, closed)