One of my best mates
...is a completely arrogant arse; whose girlfriend was lovely and wouldn't harm a fly. He once called her 'fundamentally unlikeable' in front of all of us just because it was his turn to answer the door.
Anyway, one day he calls me saying that he's in the doghouse. Why? Because after a long day at a beer festival he gets home and decides it would be a great idea to pull down his kecks and fart in her face while she was sleeping; but unfortunately for him, "a nugget came out".
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:15, 23 replies)

And you're happy to admit to this charmless oaf being a best mate?
Good job there, Cap'n "Birds of a Feather".
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:17, closed)

Quite a lot of the tales this week are monumentally crass, bordering on disturbing.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:19, closed)

I'm hoping my "Please Don't Breed" suggestion becomes enshrined in law.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:23, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/letterstheywillneverread/post654302
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:35, closed)

I take my kids everywhere.
And I'm bigger than you so you can buy your own lager top, you whiny little prick.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:40, closed)

Then fuck off back to getting their tea from Iceland, you dick.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:46, closed)

Yeah they do a nice breakfast in Reykjavik. Ya bastard.......

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:51, closed)

Like you've ever left the house.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:55, closed)

Of course I do Vagabond how else can I curb crawl.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 13:08, closed)

I don't think we have an Iceland around here.
Perhaps you should work harder so that you can afford to live somewhere less downmarket?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:55, closed)

Save it for the judge, internet liar.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:56, closed)

You can't arrest me for not shopping at a discount frozen food shop.
I know my rights.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:00, closed)

Hmmm.

No - not proud. I guess 'forced mate' is more like it; considering we were neighbours for as long as I can remember and coincidentally went to the same university. I suppose I'd better go and find some better mates to hang around with...
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:26, closed)

Nugget?
Chicken or gold?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:33, closed)

And did he puke and then snog her after?
/ac
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:18, closed)

For the purpose of comedy

Yes. But in seriousness I don't think she went near him for a while after that. Same guy also recorded himself shagging his ex; and when another one of my 'mates' (studying media and production at the time) borrowed his laptop - found it, put a porno soundtrack to it, and uploaded it to Kazaa. I'm not sure that counts as a story post though.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 16:32, closed)

I thought this QOTW was about "...loved ones..."?
Not shit-for-brains girls hanging around with guys with brainless scum?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:05, closed)

For the record...
She's not 'shit for brains'. She's got a degree and comes from a wealthy family and her grandad has a knighthood. This friend of mine who (induced by a day of very heavy drinking) thought it would be funny to fart in his LOVED ONE's face also has an IQ for Mensa so I wouldn't really say he's brainless scum either. Admittedly what he was retarded though, nonetheless.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:48, closed)

Oh, sorreeee.
They passed some clever tests.
Shame she likes to be treated like shit and will, most likely, let her future husband cheat on her and beat the shit out of her and he'll likely cause a whole lot of people to loose their money and/or jobs because of his arrogance.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 20:48, closed)

This is a
joke fight, right? Either that or you are both crazy.
( bland is bland, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:47, closed)

Nobody cares about your record.
He's a prick, you're a prick for calling him a best mate, she's a prick for sticking around with him. Pricks of a feather.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:07, closed)

Thanks.
You write things so much better than I do.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 18:40, closed)

It's all in the judicious use of the word "prick" and the phrase "fucking idiot".

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 22:23, closed)