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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
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She told me she was a record-breaking 'sprinter'...
...turns out I'm partially deaf and she had one eye looking over her shoulder.
(I helped save b3ta! Yoofaloof 'I like it here, wherever it is...', Thu 10 May 2018, 19:55, Reply)
I thought I was being clumsy when the pig's trotter entered my rectum
but it turns out I was just being ham-fisted.
(I helped save b3ta! Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 10 May 2018, 18:59, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
I used to get through a lot of Cheese Thins crackers.
Then they brought out 'NEW IMPROVED!' Cheese Thins.

I guess Thins can only get better.
(I helped save b3ta! Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 10 May 2018, 18:40, Reply)
What do you get if you chop a centipede in five?
Twentipedes.
(I helped save b3ta! DogHorse plop, Thu 10 May 2018, 17:18, 3 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 May 2018, 13:48, 3 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hipsters don't use lightbulbs, they're too mainstream.
(stubhuman, Thu 10 May 2018, 4:35, Reply)
What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty bus.
(stubhuman, Thu 10 May 2018, 4:34, Reply)
What do you call an angry hippie?
Incensed.
(stubhuman, Thu 10 May 2018, 4:27, Reply)
What do you call piles of robots?
Haemordroids
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 10 May 2018, 0:34, Reply)
Understand doesn't my wife me

(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 10 May 2018, 0:32, Reply)
What did Matt Damon contribute to the Oxfam Fair?
Goodwill bunting
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 9 May 2018, 23:17, Reply)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was motivated by a compulsion brought on by unresolved chickhood issues. I'm afraid that's all we've got time for this session
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 9 May 2018, 23:04, Reply)
I was once inappropriatedly touched by the Chuckle Brothers
#MeTooToMeToYou
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 9 May 2018, 22:45, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
I went to turtle school
but I don't remember what they taught us.
(I helped save b3ta! Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Wed 9 May 2018, 22:20, Reply)
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a Rolfaroo?
Giant holes all over your children
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 9 May 2018, 21:42, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
Why do beavers have flat tails?
If they had flat heads, their brains would squirt out of their ears.
(I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 9 May 2018, 21:13, Reply)
Members of ISIS have formed a tribute band in honour of David Byrne's post-punk new wave combo outfit.
They're calling themselves "Taking Heads."
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 May 2018, 20:57, Reply)
I don't have the correct security details for the tropical fruit fan site
It keeps saying 'persimmon denied'...
(I helped save b3ta! ousgg is not seeking approval, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:42, Reply)
What do you call a joke dog turd?
Sham poo.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 May 2018, 20:40, 3 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
I used to be optimistic
but I decided there was no future in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 May 2018, 20:40, Reply)
I once got invited to a fancy dress party at the Von Trapp's house in Vermont.
My mate went as Homer Simpson, and the missus as a Star Wars character. Unfortunately I forgot it was fancy dress and turned up in my normal clothes.

We were Doh, Rey, me.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 May 2018, 20:37, Reply)
My wife asked me to treat her like a Princess.
So I drove her through a Parisian underpass at 100 miles per hour.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 May 2018, 20:12, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
What does the Dalai Lama and a box of supermarket chicken ovulations have in common?
Both can be found in eggs aisle!
(I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Wed 9 May 2018, 19:29, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
I don't care if you're having rhinoplasty...
...it's no skin off my nose
genuinely thought of that one myself
(Paint! Another one lost, Wed 9 May 2018, 19:26, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
Where do hippies go for help?
Tripadvisor
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 9 May 2018, 16:47, Reply)
What does Kanye West and brussel sprouts have in common?
I hate them
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 9 May 2018, 16:36, 1 reply, 3 years ago)

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