Why was the petits pois scared of the circus?
Because they trap peas there.
(Simon Lovett, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 0:07, 4 replies, latest was 6 months ago)

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ah
Ah who?
Werewolves of London
(Bocboy, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 18:16, 1 reply, 6 months ago)

Sir Norman Foster's latest clients
questioned him vociferously about why the large copper dome detailed in his drawings was in reality a matt green colour.
He remarked that had hadn't expected the verdigris.
(piss and shit, Sat 23 Aug 2025, 19:32, Reply)

Gary Kasparov frequently finds himself locked out of hotel rooms, asking for a key at the desk is tiresome and he misses when he could get in with
Boris's pass key
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Wed 20 Aug 2025, 13:15, Reply)

What do you call the frilled collar tracking device that Rick Astley was made to wear as part of his antisocial behaviour order for committing lewd public homosexual acts?
gay Rick ASBO ruff
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 20 Aug 2025, 0:39, Reply)

Cary Grant was playing golf with William Archibald Spooner when the latter chlorophormed the former to put him off his stroke, and make him miss his putt.
Cary gas-par off.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 19 Aug 2025, 23:03, Reply)

'Russian Chess Grandmaster Exorcisms'
by Carry Casperoff.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Tue 19 Aug 2025, 16:40, Reply)

Why doesn't Garry Kasparov know how to respond to the Vienna Gambit?
It means nothing to him.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 19 Aug 2025, 12:43, 2 replies, latest was 6 months ago)

Popularity forced Gary Kasparov to hire a minder for protection. At 6ft 6 inches, Ian who hails from the Isle of St. Agnes near Cornwall, makes an imposing figure.
Other players are envious of Gary's Scilly Ian defence
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Tue 19 Aug 2025, 12:32, Reply)

Which English chess grandmaster shat himself whilst breaking wind during his world championship match with Gary Kasparov?
Nigel Shart
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 19 Aug 2025, 1:37, Reply)

What does Gary Kasparov sing to the accompaniment of Bavarian folk style brass instrument music when he takes a pawn that his opponent had advanced two spaces bringing it alongside his own pawn?
Oom-pah song!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 19 Aug 2025, 1:31, Reply)

Why did Gary Kasparov grab at the flamboyant homosexual's stylishly decorated genitalia?
He was going for a Queen's glam bits
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 19 Aug 2025, 1:20, Reply)

Where does Gary Kasparov keep a record of all his chess matches?
In his check book.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Mon 18 Aug 2025, 23:08, Reply)

What does Gawwy Kaspawov wank ovew?
Pawn.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 18 Aug 2025, 22:47, 1 reply, 6 months ago)

How does Garry Kasparov traditionally throw down the gauntlet to a potential opponent?
Chuck mitt.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 18 Aug 2025, 19:05, Reply)

What does Garry Kasparov eat during chess matches?
Chick Meat!
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 18 Aug 2025, 18:38, 1 reply, 6 months ago)

What does Garry Kasparov call his friend from Prague?
Czech mate.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 18 Aug 2025, 15:00, Reply)

Bruce Hornsby's former band's bullets didn't reach him when they tried to shoot him after he left.
He was out of range.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 13 Aug 2025, 22:16, Reply)

Bruce Hornsby and his wife divorced over his golf habit.
He was always at the range.
( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 13 Aug 2025, 22:13, Reply)

What did Bruce Hornsby point out to his kids when visiting a cheesemaker?
That's just the whey, it is
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 12 Aug 2025, 1:02, Reply)

What's the best band for when you're stuck in a bog?
Bruce Hornsby and the Range Rover
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 11 Aug 2025, 1:53, Reply)

The Temu Beatles (Oasis) used to run a bakery
Free bun with every order over a tenner.

"You've got a roll with it."
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 8 Aug 2025, 9:49, 1 reply, 6 months ago)

I was wondering why chickens "LAY" eggs rather than menstruate them or shit them out so I looked lay up in the dictionary.. turns out it means to put something down carefully
So guess who's grandma is getting Laid tonight..
( R2Dtard LIFT the Epstein FUCKS Immediately!, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 11:07, 2 replies, latest was 7 months ago)

I've got a mate who is currently taking part in one of those four week drugs trials.
Or The Tour de France, as it's more commonly known.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Sat 19 Jul 2025, 16:34, Reply)

How do you get the founder of FFRR Records to pay for dried meat?
Bill Tong.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 11 Jul 2025, 7:50, 2 replies, latest was 7 months ago)

During a recent study in Paris…
…scientists Leonard Bou and Pierre Gionne, discovered a piece of disco music that triggers immediate and uncontrollable dancing in approximately 37% of those affected by Trisomy 21. The effect was present in zero percent of humans presenting with the third-chromosome disorders, Patau and Edward’s syndromes.

At present, ‘My Baby’s Baby’ by Liquid Gold is the only track to have been identified as affecting the sample group and funding for further research has been granted.

Whilst inconvenient, Bou-Gionne Down Syndrome is not thought to be life threatening.
(tinpixel, Thu 10 Jul 2025, 0:03, Reply)

DFS sell a lot of sofas.
But they also do alot of work for chairity
( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 9 Jul 2025, 19:27, 4 replies, latest was 7 months ago)

I cracked open the champagne when I heard that scientists had successfully spliced the DNA of a Chinese man, a Middle Earth Goblin and a mentally-challenged kid.

After all, it was a Special Orc-Asian.

(Sorry. 23rd-Beta-birthday post.)
(tinpixel, Sun 6 Jul 2025, 21:45, 2 replies, latest was 7 months ago)