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This is a question My job: Expectation vs Reality

When I worked as a window cleaner, everybody - and I mean everybody - I knew asked me the "how's yer father" question. The truth was that I was always knackered and freezing, and the only nudity I saw was some fat bloke's arse. Tell us how your work differs from the expectation.

Thanks to Rotating Wobbly Hat for the idea

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 8 May 2014, 22:21)
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The best man for the job
This is not my story, but I was there, so I feel I can tell it.

After living in a shared house for some time, we were finally leaving. The landlord had decided to do some redecorating, and on our last day he turned up with his decorator. After going around the house and discussing all the things he wanted doing, with the decorator nodding and making notes, he then left to let him get on with it.

As soon as the door closed, the decorator flipped his bucket over, sat down on it, took out an impressively large spliff and fired it up, then looked around at us and said:

"So. Any of you lot know anything about painting and decorating? Cos I fucking don't!"
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 13 May 2014, 14:30, 31 replies)
Ah, a professional!

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 13 May 2014, 14:51, closed)
How can someone *not* know anything about it?

(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 13 May 2014, 14:55, closed)

he was an unemployed otter-handler trying to make a few quid
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 13 May 2014, 14:58, closed)
Then it's easy.
1. Dip otter in paint
2. Aggravate otter
3. ???
4. Profit!
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 13 May 2014, 15:38, closed)
OK - so reference to aggravating otters for profit made me do a lol.

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 13 May 2014, 15:46, closed)
The silly mare meant to say - agitate. LOL

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 May 2014, 16:02, closed)

I preferred the image of paint moving from can and otter to walls powered solely by lutrine rage
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 13 May 2014, 23:59, closed)
I didn't know the word 'lutrine', so thanks.

(I helped save b3ta! Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 14 May 2014, 11:53, closed)

Your homework for this week is to use 'lutrine' in at least 5 contexts, one of which must be a forum signature text.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Wed 14 May 2014, 15:13, closed)
Thank you.
So did I.
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 14 May 2014, 13:17, closed)
Ok, who are you and why do you have me on ignore you great big dribbling cock-end?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 13 May 2014, 15:42, closed)
Because you touch yourself.

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 13 May 2014, 16:14, closed)
At the very least, everyone should know about
finger painting and cup-cake decorating...

Then they can extrapolate from there.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 13 May 2014, 15:25, closed)
At least he didn't show up plastered.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Tue 13 May 2014, 15:41, closed)
needs more otters apparently

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 13 May 2014, 15:55, closed)
seems legit
I'm clicking this even without a mention of otters.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 13 May 2014, 15:58, closed)
I bet the landlord was Albert Marshmallow and as he only believes in paying peanuts to his
property maintenance people.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 May 2014, 16:03, closed)

Pay peanuts, get monkeys...oh, wait a minute...
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 13 May 2014, 16:30, closed)
didn't he claim he had no tenants and was just keeping his imaginary property pristine for sale in one of his more recent flights of fancy?
I'm struggling even to pretend to caste any more.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 13 May 2014, 17:05, closed)
That was the gist.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 May 2014, 18:28, closed)

Only the ones that I'm flipping - do keep up pizza-boy.
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 13 May 2014, 19:22, closed)
the most valuable thing you've ever flipped is an asda economy burger, billyboy

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 May 2014, 12:44, closed)

Do calm down, you'll do yourself a mischief.
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 14 May 2014, 13:58, closed)
win

(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 13 May 2014, 16:04, closed)

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