Thank you Wonderful
One night in work most of the staff (5 in total including yours truly) ordered some chinese food*. Now future Mrs. Speed doesn't take kindly to me eating food late at night as she doesn't like it for some reason (probably think its bad for my health) but considering that I was going to eat it in work** then she would be none the wiser.

So I though to myself "Fuck it, I'm starving" so I ordered food aswell, someone took what everyone wanted down on a piece of paper and all was sorted. But an hour later the food hadn't come. Now it was about 10:30pm and I finish work in about an hour so I asks the boss lady have she ordered the food yet? "I've only just done it now" came the reply. Now considering that all the staff have the same taxi home and i'm the first drop off I figured the missus would kill me when I walk through the door with the chinese offerings so there was no option, I had to scoff the lot when it came.

30 minutes later the food comes and there I am scoffing as much as I can down my gullet as fast as I can***, Within 10 minutes the entire lot was gone, How I managed to eat such a large meal in one go I have no idea. I wash it down with a Coke^TM (other cola based drinks are availiable) and let out a large belch, a sign of a worthy meal and luckly for me I wouldn't get a bollocking off the missus.

45 minutes later taxi and i'm home, Now I had a gut feeling that she was going to suspect that i'd been eating (considering the curry breath that i'm going to have) so I walk through the door and the following happens...

Me: "Hello hun"
F.M.S: Hi babe"
Me: "You ok?"
F.M.S: "Yeah i'm fine, Work ok?"
Me: "Yeah, All good"

It was at this point that I could smell something,

Me: "What's that smell?"
F.M.S: "Oh, As you didn't have food before you went to work I made you Pizza and Chips for when you come home."
Me:"..."

She only made me fucking food at 12:00am, The very time of night she wouldn't want me eating. Now I had to eat this, On a very full stomach, As well as get away with eating a very large chinese meal and her not knowing about it. Was very sick the next day, She never knew and still doesn't but never doing that again.

Am I seriously that under the thumb?

Length?, I have a big cock

*4 Chicken Balls (literally the size of bollocks), Egg Fried Rice Chips and Curry sauce incase you want to know.
** How I can get away with eating while serving pints I have no idea.
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:52, 45 replies)

***
Your dangling footnote is killing me.
(mmm savoury snacks, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:17, closed)

that's what she said

(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:24, closed)

Your mom?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:52, closed)

Does it need to be asked . . .
Why would your Mrs care what you ate and when, and even so, why would you take any notice?

I get the point of the story, but it's a fly buzzing against the window while an elephant is crashing around behind us.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:29, closed)

She hates me eating late simply that it makes her hungry and she ends up eating food getting heartburn then blaming it on me Also for some reason she thinks that a size 12 is obese for some reason
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:35, closed)

Ignore the tubby bitch.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:36, closed)

would do but there's no button

(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:37, closed)

I liked this!
(Catrim, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:35, closed)

Ent they your 'speciality' AA
How big a heifer is your dream bird?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:43, closed)

About the half the size of yours, usually.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:44, closed)

Dunno AA you've fucked one of the fatest fucks on qotw, it's very own poster girl Bella
You could set up a Tubby chasing masterclass for qotw virgins
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:48, closed)

When do you want to sign up for it then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:49, closed)

I've already taken notes from the master in action, following chubsters around online 'lolling' and pandering at everything they post worked a treat for you
I particularly admired your 'Pièce de résistance' when you bigged up her risible militant hairy lesbianism blog on links describing it as 'groundbreaking and intelligent'. Still at least you got to stick your pecker up her stinkhole, and it's not like you've ever been troubled by anything like pride or self respect.

Fookin magnificent
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:02, closed)

Yes, of course Rory, that's exactly what I said.
Or not - www.b3ta.com/links/579700.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:05, closed)

It was real hide behind the sofa stuff. I'd never realised that someone could stoop so low to bag a fat chick

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:09, closed)

I'd never realised someone was so pathetic as to follow people around the internet and continually misquote them, in order to mock
But hey, you learn something new every day.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:14, closed)

I don't have to follow you around to mock you, you're very much a stationary blubbery target
Sounds like you need a Waaaahbulance this Monday morning
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:19, closed)

Nope, feeling pretty good actually.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:23, closed)

Great, excellent, good for you
Ever so glad that your serious bout of self diagnosed crippling internet depression has finally cleared itself up.












































Until the next time you feel like gaining some online sympathy and attention.

































































































from fat birds
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:27, closed)

Where does this
come from?

Almost every conversation you and your grumpy little mates butt into ends up with you either accusing someone of being depressed, or angry.

Just curious, firstly what makes you think this, and secondly, why do you think it's worth saying - is it supposed to piss someone off?

I have a theory - you think it's effective because normally nobody answers you. Maybe you think you have sent them off crying?

Actually, it just makes it plain that you've run out of things to say, so nobody carries it on.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:46, closed)

He posted a story about trying to kill himself on his lunch break with a mcdonalds cutlery set once, check out his qotw stories, 'it's golden'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:56, closed)

Yeah but even with all that you have said rory.
You are and will forever be, a grade A penis.


Even your mum hates you.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:06, closed)

I'm not following you there
and I can't see the MacDonalds cutlery thing.

It doesn't naswer the question either, but I'm not that bothered.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:15, closed)

HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF WITH PLASTIC CUTLERY BECAUSE HE WAS MADE UP DEPRESSED

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:18, closed)

You seem to
be a bully.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 13:00, closed)

Rory
Why oh why are you such a bell end? Does it make you feel big to know that everyone regards you as being the QOTW equivalent of herpes? An inconvenient rash that does no real harm but is irritating as hell and is impossible to get rid of.
When you were born did your mum have septic piles which the doctor removed and which then grew up to be you?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 15:11, closed)

^ this.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 16:22, closed)

"You could set up a Tubby chasing masterclass for qotw virgins"
Is fucking golden.

Sadly it's too long to have as one's signature.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:18, closed)

But then
www.b3ta.com/questions/buzzwords/post688394

Really? You've got to be trolling, right?
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:37, closed)

No
she stopped that now
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:43, closed)

I reckon Mrs Claude Speed is your mum

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:07, closed)

i hope that you're trolling....
... seriously, you're future missus decides when you can eat or not?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:47, closed)

no just doesn't like it
EDIT: just to point out, she made me food as she knew (or thought) i had bugger all to eat. i can eat what the fuck I want when i want, she just doesn't like it
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:49, closed)

So then eat what you want, when you want
& tell her to mind her own fucking business.
If she chooses to eat with you in the wee small hours and get reflux then surely that is her choice and she gets to live with the consequences.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:00, closed)

i told her once
she ended up crying then giving me a make up shag
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:03, closed)

What?
Reflux and all. Did she chunder? Is that something you get into?
Can I watch?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:07, closed)

if your nice

(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:12, closed)

Hadn't you better
ask her? Can't imagine that's something you'd be allowed to decide.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:17, closed)

trust me, she'd be keen

(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:18, closed)

*you're*

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:47, closed)

I agree
this is mad and neurotic. If she can't control herself when she sees you eating, that is very much her problem.
(jennymnemonic, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:51, closed)

If this doesn't get Archived under "Man eats dinner"
then I'll eat my, umm, dinner.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:41, closed)

watch out QOTW, we've got a Fritzl here.
I'm not sure how you managed to keep this secret so long.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:58, closed)

This is QOTW, Madame Shoes.
We're ALL Fritzls.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 13:29, closed)

yes, you are.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 17:58, closed)