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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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B&Q
Someone I work with claims that in a store he was working in, somewhere in London, he was showing some customers around the displays of bathroom suites.

In one of the baths, some kid had stripped himself naked, got in and lay down. He had an erection and when challeneged, claimed he was in need of the toilet.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he accidentally pissed in his own mouth.
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 14:37, 13 replies)
LIES
In B&Q the baths are wall-mounted
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 14:40, closed)
Nuh-uh, I was in one yesterday and they've got loads of fake bathrooms set up with the bog lids sealed shut.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 15:01, closed)
I bet they had to do it because someone took a shit in one :(

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 16:08, closed)
'someone', yeah, evening?
All I'm saying is that you seem to know an awful lot about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 16:09, closed)
You wouldn't believe the scene I caused when I found out there was no toilet roll, thoughtless cunts

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 16:12, closed)
I bet you had to use a paint roller.
The indignity of it all.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 16:15, closed)

Preferable to loft insulation, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 16:51, closed)
The guy you worked with?
Or the kid?
(I helped save b3ta! browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 15:29, closed)
ha!

(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 9 Sep 2013, 17:00, closed)
It all turned into a big piss party

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:30, closed)
The friend of a friend had an erection or the kid had an erection?

(I helped save b3ta! d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 15:55, closed)
Lets just say that the child had the erection
First...
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:29, closed)
Oh GREAT, now *I* have one too.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 17:21, closed)

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