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This is a question Midlife Crisis

I've hit my forties, and my midlife crisis has manifested itself in old band T-shirts and a desire to go on camper van holidays. How has it hit you, or - if you are still a youngling - your elders?

(, Thu 2 May 2013, 11:55)
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Sometimes the midlife crisis has YOU.
Long ago I made my living as a draftsman, working for various surveying and civil engineering firms. It was not too bad overall, but after about 12 years of it I was getting pretty bored with drawing shit other people designed. Besides, the pay sucked.

Then my mom came into a sizable inheritance. She made me an offer: if she made up for the loss of income, would I want to go back to university? I was 37, as high up in my job as I could go and miserable. Hell yes I wanted to go! So I selected a nearby university with an engineering school and enrolled.

My wife was furious that I should make such a decision without consulting her. I was stunned. What was there to discuss? There were absolutely no down sides to this. What was she bitching about?

That was just the beginning. Within six months she was raging constantly every time I left the house to go do homework at the library, raging every time the kids misbehaved and I was in class and unable to be reached, raging over the fact that I had to buy textbooks, and generally raging. About a year later I moved out. By 2002 the divorce was finalized.

At the age of forty I was starting over from scratch, no house, no furniture, no established home, no partner in my life.

But then I began expanding my social circles and meeting women about my own age and started dating again. Over the better part of a decade I had quite a number of girlfriends, some of them more serious relationships than others. I bought a house, reclaimed some of my furniture from the ex, and dug in. I was working as an engineer, making a decent wage and doing pretty well for myself.

Finally I met the one I married, who's just about as cracked as I am and also makes a pretty decent wage. Now I live in one of the Gulf Cooperation Council countries, have friends from all over the globe as well as some locals, get invited to go out on the desert for sunset barbecues and get to travel to other Middle Eastern countries for long weekends if we so desire.

So some get the mid-life crisis that results in them tearing apart their lives so badly that they have to re-build, but some of us had life do it for us instead.

Not that this way was easy or pleasant to deal with, mind you...
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 5:53, 46 replies)
Well, just as long as nobody got hurt as a result.
Right readers?
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 8:47, closed)
Cool, so you abandoned your kids?
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 9:15, closed)
The house I bought was about a mile down the road from the one I moved out of, so that the kids could come and go as they wished. I was very present in their lives throughout school.

They are now all in university, and have been to visit me here once already. I come home to the US periodically and see them then. In fact, they probably see more of me than they do of their mother.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 9:50, closed)
Poor fucks.
They so nearly had a lucky escape.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 11:43, closed)
^ Still a waste of life ^

(, Sat 4 May 2013, 17:44, closed)

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 9:53, closed)
I don't even know which one this is.
Is it one of the regular Miseries or a new one?
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 9:55, closed)
It's Happy Phantoms alt account.
They sometimes like talking to each other as well, it gets pretty weird.
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 12:06, closed)
Bless! He's got a tribute to me in his profile and I don't even know who it is.
That's some tragic unrequited love right there.
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 13:58, closed)
You say the same thing Doc.
Year in, year out.

Shave those mutton chops and get with it old man.

Still stalking my profile aswell.

I would be honored if you were not such a monomental twat.
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 18:25, closed)
I haven't had mutton chops for at least five years and I still have no idea who you are.
I'm sure I'll suddenly begin to care any minute now.
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 18:58, closed)
... apparently not.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 19:00, closed)
Using the old denial gambit.

Your repitition is still not amusing doc, must try harder.
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 20:01, closed)
Shit. I keep forgetting that I only post here in order to entertain the sobbing nobodies.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 20:04, closed)
I don't know why you feel you have a job here and being a cunt is specifics of it.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 20:07, closed)
The fuck is this prick sobbing about?

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 20:37, closed)
Yadda, yadda and yadda.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 18:24, closed)

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 18:26, closed)
well done for glossing over the whole beegeebee debacle. otherwise anyone might think that you were totally self centred

(, Sat 4 May 2013, 12:18, closed)
Hee hee.

(, Sat 4 May 2013, 13:02, closed)
Says the
man-child whose claim to fame is...

Wait Rory, apart from decapitating drug dealers. What is your claim to fame?
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 14:11, closed)
There was more than a decade I glossed over there.
I couldn't very well list off every detail, could I?
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 16:02, closed)
Some b3ta bird topped herself over her being a bit on the side whilst you were still banging your next wife to be. That'd be worthy of comment for most of the rest of humanity.
I can see why the ex wife had such cause of concern over you going back to university, sniffing round teenage girls like a dog on heat. You know apart from having a young family to raise and support whilst you jacked your job in and went off to play at books and rulers and frat house partees. Even now when your own kids are at university you reckon seeing them once in a blue moon counts as being an involved parent. You should really look up self awareness one day, it might help.
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 12:05, closed)
No one topped themselves over me, I assure you.
And no, I never bothered with the parties. As it happens I spent much of the time as an engineering co-op student. And, not that it's something you would know, off and on during that time I had the boys living with me five days a week per their preference.

But whatever, dude. Believe as you like.
(, Tue 7 May 2013, 22:05, closed)
Thank you
I have been contemplating posting something similar since this QOTW started but have been too wary of posting. My midlife crisis had me in the autumn of 2011. I moved out in March 2012, and now after a failed reconciliation I'm now staring down the barrel of where you were in 2002. I'm shitting myself.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 14:02, closed)
Bloody go for it.
Similar happened to me. Things may have been rough at times since, but it's still better than my first marriage.

At least you gave it another try! I couldn't manage that.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 14:08, closed)
had to try
Still loved her and she said she still loved me. Kids are now 8 and 10. I can't bear the thought of them being brought up by the lowlife that came between us.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 14:14, closed)
Not good, however
it's up to your ex who she chooses to be with. Don't turn your kids into a weapon. Respect her choice, as long as he's not a kiddie-fiddler, grin and bear it. You'll do more for your kids by biting your lip now, and then telling them home truths once they are old enough and have left home. Don't tell them that mum's new boyfriend's a wanker...if he is, they'll work that out for themselves. Be the adult, let the kids be the kids. Best of luck sir.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 14:50, closed)
This is great advice.
It's about keeping your dignity.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 15:13, closed)
Thank you.
Thanks for the advice, makes great sense. I'm trying to keep a lid on it. I'm also trying to keep some sort of positive relationship with the inlaws, as I really like them, and they tell me they like me. She'll try and do a number on me again and turn me in to the bad guy, to alienate me from them, but for now I'm biting my tongue.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 15:45, closed)
Bite it!
Bite it like the Devil himself!
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 16:02, closed)
The advice above is good.
I held my tongue for years as the ex referred to me as That Bastard in front of the kids and insinuated loads of things to them, especially that I had gone back to university so I could fuck young coeds. She did her best to assassinate my character to one and all, including my sister and mother.

Over a few years the kids saw through it all, and have asked me a lot of questions about that time. I answered them fully, then let them come to their own conclusions.

As I said, they now see more of me than they do of their mother, even though I'm a third of the way around the globe.

The truth will out.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 16:08, closed)
Great advice indeed
thanks all
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 16:27, closed)
Is it just me ...
Or do a lot of your stories involve you maddeningly infuriating someone for no good reason while you blithely assure them they're in the wrong?

Incidentally, most people would probably agree that quitting your job and becoming a student is the kind of thing it's polite to mention to your spouse before doing, regardless of how you're financing it. "I can't see the problem, mummy's paying for it" kind of misses the point. Or did you not consider the collapse of your family structure to be a potential "down side"?
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 19:40, closed)
Can't really agree there.
In fact, I had more free time with the kids while I was in school than I did while working. I still lived at home and was there for dinner and all that, but some mornings I was there to feed them breakfast and get them to school, and I had time in the afternoons for them.

Had I moved out to go to university, I could understand the problem. But as it was, the only difference is that my schedule became more flexible.
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 19:46, closed)
Which bit don't you agree with?

(, Sat 4 May 2013, 20:08, closed)
I assume that the furniture you 'reclaimed from your ex'
wasn't the table and chairs you fed your kids their breakfast on?
(, Sat 4 May 2013, 23:08, closed)
So you didn't see the potential problem of you not being able to find a job after graduating?
And you made a massive, life-changing decision without discussing it with your wife and mother of your children?

Are you autistic?
(, Sun 5 May 2013, 9:52, closed)
You really need to ask that question after all the emotionally stunted, semi-sociopathic dreariness he's posted on here?

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 9:55, closed)
No, pay attention.
His schedule became more flexible, so all was fine. So flexible he was able to walk out on his family a year later.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 10:09, closed)
He does seem to not give a shit about anything other than himself.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 10:49, closed)
I particularly like how it plays the "I'm well mad me!" card whilst being utterly unaware that it is genuinely sociopathic.

(, Sun 5 May 2013, 13:26, closed)
I find it interesting
that you think I walked out on my family. What do you base that statement on? That I moved a few miles away until I could afford a house one mile away?

(, Tue 7 May 2013, 22:08, closed)
"About a year later I moved out"
Whether or not that constitutes "walking out" is clearly subjective.

Anyway, I don't know you so this is all pointless. Your apparent feelings of blamelessness in these stories just rankles eventually.
(, Wed 8 May 2013, 11:04, closed)
Well I read this
as a very good attempt to describe a life changing event without gloating, preening or putting others down too much.

But then I'm old enough to be able to discern a sub-text.

I too was a mature student (29 in my case), but then so was Mrs G, at the same time (different uni, same city). I tended to hang around with other mature students, mainly because they were mature.

If I get time, I'll post my own story - more sob than happy ending though.

All the best TRL; I know these well-thought-out replies to your piece are probably making you doubt your life choices over the past decade, but don't let them make you cry - they're not worth it.
(, Tue 7 May 2013, 14:06, closed)
Thank you.
I really don't let the internet fuckwits bother me. I mean, why deprive them of a place to vent? They're already suffering enough as this seems to be their main social outlet in life. I really don't like to think about what their existences are really like away from the computer- it's just too depressing.
(, Tue 7 May 2013, 22:12, closed)

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