I've killed six prostitutes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:18, 65 replies)

You monster! The prostitute hunting season doesn't open for another 6 weeks.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:26, closed)

You're not even trying.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:33, closed)

Cheap bastard. All you had to do was pay them.

(McChinaman banned, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:38, closed)

alright, mr sutcliffe

(alright alright, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:39, closed)

STOP. Hammer time.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:52, closed)

I see what you did there

(alright alright, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 21:36, closed)

Size isn't everything

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 6 Aug 2013, 21:17, closed)

And you'd have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that pesky mentioning it on the internet.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 21:22, closed)

Like this?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 22:19, closed)

hehe

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 0:15, closed)

Careful now.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 0:37, closed)

alright The Mock Turtle
I do hope you managed to catch up on some sleep.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 8:02, closed)

A solid seven hours. Thanks for showing such concern - it's genuinely touching, and not even a little bit creepy.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 8:43, closed)

*krankies*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 8:46, closed)

Bullshit.
I've buried 14 of your "birds".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 1:03, closed)

The word 'bird' originally meant girl.
The word for an avian was 'brid' as retained in some northern dialects.

Today's etymology lesson: metathesis
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 8:51, closed)

Thanks, Shambo.
It's the only way I'll learn.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 9:20, closed)

It's true!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 9:24, closed)

"Burd", perhaps. From "burde". "Bird" as slang for "woman" dates from early last century and despite being a homophone, may have nothing to do with "burd". "Bird" referring to avians has been in use since the Middle Ages (making it more or less contemporaneous with "burd").

EDIT: here you go.

EDIT EDIT: top ninjaing from "woman" to "girl" in the original post, in a rather pathetic attempt to be a little bit less wrong.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:11, closed)

Do shut up, you friendless prick. Thanks.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:19, closed)

It's only etymology, no need to have an online tantrum about it.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:33, closed)

Now post a picture of a dog

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:35, closed)

Oh, you've come to defend his honour. That's sweet. If ineffective.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:43, closed)

Herp derp derp.
You really want another opportunity to demonstrate that I know more than you about practically everything? Why? What kick do you get out of being humiliated by your betters? Perv.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:41, closed)

Well, you could try, but you're slightly hampered by being, you know, wrong. I suppose that's what happens when maths nerds try to branch out.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:42, closed)

Or when clever people who did joint honours in maths and English language and who are still relatively fluent in Anglo-Saxon
are whimpered at by intellectual weeds with Google. You prat.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:50, closed)

See, this basically boils down to "blah blah blah abloo bloo bloo blah blah". I couldn't care less what you did, or did not do at university, some twenty years ago.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:02, closed)

See, this basically boils down to you being wrong, and looking like a penis.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:32, closed)

Yeah, so Shambo said. I believe he was going to demonstrate as much, because he apparently did half a degree in English Language, twenty years ago.

Are there any irrelevant qualifications you'd like to boast about at this juncture?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:42, closed)

I got my idiot-baiting badge at cubs, Leckhampton Pack, Cheltenham, 1981.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:43, closed)

Was it a joint badge, with English Language?


Actually, you don't need to answer that.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:53, closed)

alright, punchy
you don't know when to stay down, do you?
(alright alright, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 14:28, closed)

I was going to post a screen-grab from the OED, but I think I'll just post this:



You've earned it.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 14:57, closed)

alright, happy phantom
i thought you'd be fatter
(alright alright, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 16:13, closed)

Strangely this is almost exactly how I pictured him.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 18:39, closed)

I've pictured him more as a slab-faced early 20s IT type who talks inaudibly behind his hand, never makes eye contact with anyone, and snort-laughs at his own jokes.
Each to their own.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 0:01, closed)

Well, that would be one person laughing at my jokes, which is one more than has ever laughed at yours.

It's a little disconcerting that that you've all been fantasizing about my physical appearance so much. I just hope 2cc (is that a measurement of cranial capacity, by the way?) wasn't doing it whilst he was up to his watch in someone's bunghole.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 0:39, closed)

You have to take into account that he's really not very bright.
Usually by this stage he's reduced to pasting crass pictures from Google.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 14:57, closed)

This boils down to me responding directly to your post, you fucking simpleton.
Simpleton: Herp derp maths nerd branching out derpitygrunt.
Adult: I'm not branching out. It's one of the existing strings on my rather impressive bow.
Simpleton: Derp? Hmnnnng? Grrrnggg? DERP!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 14:56, closed)

Are you any closer to this demonstration of how you know more than me about practically everything, then? Or are you hoping to just bluster your way through it?

You know, I reckon they must have covered "not being a fucking idiot" in the half of the degree that you missed.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 15:01, closed)

I've demonstrated it to all the adults.
It's a bit much to expect me to demonstrate it to the simpletons too.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 15:06, closed)

That'll be a "no", then.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 15:13, closed)

I reckon this is the perfect time to post a picture of a dog.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 16:25, closed)

or the Krankies.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 16:31, closed)

"imrpessive bow"
What, doling shit out here to anyone you aren't smarter than for nearly 20 hours each day in day out?

Yes shambo, "B3ta Troll" looks great on any CV.
In fact if you put it at the top it's a secret code to employers that they shouldn't waste their time interviewing anybody else!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 8 Aug 2013, 5:10, closed)

Look at you!
Only thing is I think you mis-read Humbleness101 for Hubris101 and not being clever enough to know the difference you went on to excel in the latter - I bet your lecturers were, umm.. proud of you.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 8 Aug 2013, 3:30, closed)

You mean the ones who offered me PhD places?
Or the ones who employed me to tutor other students? Or the ones who suggested I should skip a year? Or just the ones who gave me all those excellent grades?

Are you and weepy turtle going for a Derp-Off? How do either of you mediocrities possibly think this can ever ends well for you?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 9:37, closed)

No-one cares, tubs. Having an education isn't all that unusual. Constantly reliving relatively unimpressive achievements from 20 years ago merely indicates that you've got fuck all going on for you now.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 11:10, closed)

it's nice of you to spend so long reminding everybody that you don't care about all these things you don't care about

(alright alright, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 11:38, closed)

YOU'RE a homophone

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:34, closed)

Wait, they make special phones for gaymos now?
Isn't that gaymosexist or summat?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 7 Aug 2013, 21:31, closed)

Did you give them
bad aids?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 10:01, closed)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 10:16, closed)

was your mum one of them?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 10:43, closed)

I'm ashamed to say, yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:35, closed)

so thats where I caught bad aids from

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 15:43, closed)

dude, she's dead.
I don't care if it's your birthday, Savlile-ing my dead mum just is not on.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 16:24, closed)

now then now then
she made my jewelry jangle
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 10:53, closed)

Prossie Plasters.
oh
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 12:43, closed)

Isn't that called
matricide?
(username failed moderation, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:00, closed)

Hahahah brilliant!!!
You know that 90% of comedy is timing, right?

b3ta.com/questions/mtfu/post2040941

Now post a picture of a dog.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 13:45, closed)

and they say laughter is the best medicine...

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 16:10, closed)

Typical Mince!!! *rolls eyes*

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 16:26, closed)

*canned laughter*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 18:24, closed)