i think albert marshmallow is brilliant and he should post more often
he is the saviour of this forum
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 14 May 2013, 16:50, 44 replies)

And you are?

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 16:57, closed)

Don't worry, I can see.
You're a wannabe hipster who hilariously has a pipe!

And you travel by public transport a lot.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 16:58, closed)

perhaps i can have a lift on your scooter?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:04, closed)

He won't have sex with you :(

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:08, closed)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:09, closed)

a BIG fan obvs
make him a 'perfect espresso' to say thanks
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 May 2013, 16:59, closed)

Here - I found this for you.
bit.ly/12xEUJ6

And a free pack of kitkats too!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:03, closed)

SP
Yea verily Mistress Meaker, tis but a tiny Claypole!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:08, closed)

I have got an espresso machine thank you
and nestle kill babys
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:14, closed)

Yeah. But your espresso machine exists in the Real World so it doesn't count.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:20, closed)

It's back!
That weird incessant buzzing sound. Can anyone else hear it?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:22, closed)

I have you on ignore.
If you're logging in and out to listen to an annoying buzzing then you should probably see a doctor. I'm sure an expensive Harley Street chap will be happy to come around to one of your extensive (but strangely uncountable) properties and have a cup of coffee from your soon-to-be-released espresso machine. Unless they decide to make a few quid giving lifts to people on the way.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:25, closed)

I can still hear it.
I think you've evolved and permeated the internet in some way, which isn't surprising the amount of time you spend on it.

Your response rates are incredible though - seemingly never less than 2mins from my posts to your asinine responses.

Godlike in your dominance. I bow down to you.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:29, closed)

You're forgetting about his incomparable hacking skills.
Ignore won't work on him. Remember how he hacked all those underage girls' hotmail and got nude photos off every single one of them?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:33, closed)

What, this you mean?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:08, closed)

It still reads well, nearly 4yrs on.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:32, closed)

The Morissettes are strong with this one.
I must say I'm quite enjoying your increasingly frantic attempts to pretend to actually ignore the people you have on ignore.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 14 May 2013, 22:23, closed)

It's the sound
somebody encroaching on your fantasy world trying to break through. Like the phone calls in Life on Mars
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:25, closed)

I quite like the fact that his lies aren't in any way impressive
Refusing to have a drink with a posh blonde and spending that much money on an espresso machine would make you a bit of a prick, really.
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:31, closed)

Yeah.
Quite wrong not to take advantage of an obviously distressed suicide bomb survivor and to want decent coffee.

Quite wrong indeed.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:41, closed)

Oh Albert :(
None it of is true. It's OK.
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:15, closed)

I honestly can't tell if he thinks people believe him or not.
That would be like a meta-delusion.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:52, closed)

It gets too angry to be a troll

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:17, closed)

It's The Doveston, you prick

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:19, closed)

Alright
Cheers
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:02, closed)

alright

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:05, closed)

alright

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:08, closed)

alright

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:08, closed)

alright

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:12, closed)

alright

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:15, closed)

alright

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:18, closed)

Did you see Utopia on Channel 4?
before they met up the characters chatted on an internet forum and one of them Grant 'worked in the city' 'drove a Porsche' 'did loads of coke' 'shagged loads of birds' and when he actually showed up he was 11

that's Albert
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:12, closed)

The difference being that one day the 11 year old might own a porsche full of birds and coke.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:26, closed)

to be fair
a porsche full of birds with you driving is still only 1 maybe 2 small ones they're not roomy ;)

Fucking shed load of coke mind
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:38, closed)

You just need to chop them up finely and pour them into the passenger footwell.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:51, closed)

Yeah, I enjoy albert's stories too.
I've never really had the impression he expects them to be taken too seriously so it's pretty amusing watching people getting all upset about the veracity of his claims.
He's definitely one of the more accomplished trolls on b3ta, but I think 'saviour' might be pushing it a bit.
( 4Q just lurking, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:53, closed)

That's just it though.
I don't honestly think he is trolling.

I was completely convinced that he was trolling right up until he started desperately defending his stories. That's not the action of a troll. That's the action of somebody who's actually started to believe his own bullshit. That’s entertainment, that’s entertainment. A smash of glass and the rumble of boots. An electric train and a ripped up phone booth. Paint splattered walls and the cry of a tom cat. Lights going out and a kick in the balls. I say, that’s entertainment, that’s entertainment.

Sorry. Went a bit Jam there for a moment.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:58, closed)

I see what you mean about the self-justification,
but maybe that just makes him a better troll.
Either way, I don't believe a word he says but I find him entertaining rather than troubling. I was in the pub last night. A mutual friend of ours said he'd seen you in the uniform. Yeah the leather belt looks manly, the black boots butch. But oh what a bastard to get off.
Oh - it seems to be infectious.
( 4Q just lurking, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:06, closed)

You're probably right.
It's probably healthier all round if we assume he's a troll-god. The alternative is too depressing. I love you, yes I do, 'cause I know that you love me too. I love you, yes I do, gonna spend all my money on you woah woah woah woah.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:12, closed)

I quite enjoy holding him to account
It makes me feel like a copper interviewing one of those weird fuckers who confesses to crimes they didn't commit.
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:12, closed)

He almost certainly is one of those weird fuckers who confess to crimes.
They've probably got his photo up in all the local old bill stations.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:17, closed)

"We have CCTV footage and several witness statements that prove you were at the swimming pool with your Mum on the afternoon in question"
"I did it though, I shot Dando. I gave her a lift home on my moped, fucked her up the arse, she loved it, then I shot her"
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:23, closed)

CCTV in the swimming pool?
Pervert.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:27, closed)