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This is a question My Arch-nemesis

I lived in fear of a Darth Vader-esque school dinner lady who stood me perpetually at the naughty table for refusing to eat mushy peas. An ordeal made worse after I was caught spooning the accursed veg into her wellies. Who, we ask, has wrecked your life?

Thanks to Philly G for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:01)
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Warning: serious problems ahead.
My arch-nemesis is this fucker here. For those who cannot be bothered to click the link a shortened version is: he is a fucking scumbag of a fucking footballer by the name of Archie Thompson.

I can't talk about this easily, but the basics are these. After two years of what I thought was a happy marriage, my wife became pregnant with twins. It was the happiest day of my life, but everything became very strained from then on. My wife became distant with what I thought was stress and understandable worry about the future, but that's not it. Eight months in she tells me, instead, they might not be mine. I nearly die of a number of things but manage to ask whose could they be, if not mine? ARCHIE FUCKING THOMPSON'S. They met while she was at a fucking convention in Belgium where she was out for a night and he was playing football in that city at the time. They had then begun an affair whenever she went over there for business.

I spent a month trying to digest this situation after she left to stay at her mother's, saying she didn't know what she was going to do but couldn't be with me right now. I didn't argue, I had no idea what was going on in the world. I couldn't function. I couldn't eat, work, sleep, do anything.

Then she went into labour.

Even in those circumstances, those incredibly difficult circumstances, there was no way I was going to miss the potential birth of my children. I went to the hospital... and HE WAS THERE.

The reasons I hate him would seem painfully clear by now. But it's not what you think.

It was when she told me whatever the result of the birth was, she was going to be living with Archie from now on. It was when she said the kids were going to call him Daddy. It was when she said they were moving to Australia as he'd gotten a deal with a new club there. And it was when, oh, it was so especially when, after the birth (what turned out to be) MY TWO DAUGHTERS, and naming the first one after her mother, she turned to him and said...

"Arch... name 'er sis."

(disclaimer for legal reasons: this is NOT TRUE IN ANY WAY)
(disclaimer for other reasons: I'm sorry, please don't hit me)
(, Mon 3 May 2010, 21:26, 10 replies)
A good try

I liked it
(, Mon 3 May 2010, 22:01, closed)
You bastard
(, Mon 3 May 2010, 22:52, closed)
you cock!!
(, Mon 3 May 2010, 22:57, closed)
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 3:18, closed)
You silly sod! :D

(, Tue 4 May 2010, 9:52, closed)

Le Creuset?
Two handed grip?
Weight on back foot, swing and....

(, Tue 4 May 2010, 16:50, closed)
I'm sorry,
but that one deserves a visit from the Smack Fairy.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 17:52, closed)
oh, you utter cunt

(, Tue 4 May 2010, 19:50, closed)
You had me going right til the end
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 1:58, closed)
But but
Git - I was convinced this was real - I read the Arch bit and it took a mental double take for me to say "bastard" :)
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 13:57, closed)

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