At the risk of blowing my cover
My worst night out, and one that I don't think I'll ever live down, was my first night out at Uni.

1998. I was a fresh-faced country boy, enthralled to the pleasures of the big city (well ok, Nottingham), and wasn't yet fully versed in the dark arts of getting completely twatted. I'd already spectacularly vomited through my nose after snorting aftershock (don't do it kids - it sticks to the inside of your nose, refuses to budge and stings like buggery), and had also had a go (in for a penny) at Tequila Suicide.

For the uninitiated Tequila suicide is a slight variation on a slammer - the variation being you snort the salt, neck the tequila, and then squeeze the lemon into your eye. It's big and clever.

Like all regretful evenings the exact moment of shame is clouded in a fuggy haze, but what I do remember is as follows: There was a fox. Being from the country I'd never actually seen one up close. City foxes are different to country ones - they have no absolutely no fear.

"Look, ish a Fox!!" I cried to my fellow miscreants, "A fox!!"

I loped off towards it clutching a pint of Guinness that I still had from the last bar, and got within about 5 metres of it, wavering slightly.

It stared at me. I stared at it. It seemed to beckon me closer with its eyes. Its big, friendly, I-just-want-to-be-stroked fox eyes.

"It wants to be my friend!", I thought, "But how do I demonstrate that my intentions are benign?". The answer was obvious - I needed to feed it Guinness.

Advancing slowly I bent down slightly and extended my pint of Guinness. The fox approached closer, I approached closer still. It sniffed the Guinness, I made encouraging sounds. It tilted its little foxy-face quizzically and then tasted the Guinness! Success! Inter-species understanding had been achieved!

Then it savaged my hand and I got taken to A&E for a bandage, a not rabies tetanus jab, and to be laughed at by the hospital staff.
( rofl harris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:11, 8 replies)

i like this.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:48, closed)

I like
this too!
( splorp ®, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 14:46, closed)

You fucking idiot.
/ac
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:49, closed)

Thanks :-)

( rofl harris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:56, closed)

Actually
crying with laughter!
(Document Pocket, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:58, closed)

A similar thing happened to me, drunk on the shores of Lake Garda
Except it was a mouse and I fed it lager

and it was too small to bite me
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 14:27, closed)

^
safe version of original story*





*but lager is full of shitty chemicals, maybe guiness would be better for mices
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 14:32, closed)

He seemed happy enough
I poured it into a bottle cap for him and he drank it then scurried away
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 14:39, closed)

Damn
Should have tried lager. Everyone knows that foxes don't like stout.
( rofl harris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 14:46, closed)

Awesome!
If it's any consolation, my sister accidentally sat on a pint glass, resulting in a hospital visit and several stitches, and thus was nicknamed "Crunchy" for the rest of the term.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:30, closed)

This is magnificent.
I had never before encountered the tequila suicide. Blimey.

Also: did you really need a rabies jab? Rabies?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:28, closed)

I'm guessing he probably meant tetanus.
Unless he went to university in the 19th century.

Did Nottingham university even exist when rabies was still present in the UK?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:33, closed)

Rabies is still present in the UK
Just in very small numbers... All registered Bat workers have to have Rabies jabs,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:40, closed)

Awww man. How come I don't get to be a Registered Bat Worker?
That's like assistant to Batman, right?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:42, closed)

@enzyme
Fuck knows, you're probably right - probably tetanus. There was a needle though. Of that I am sure.
( rofl harris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:49, closed)

Easy way to tell:
If it was a course of injections into your stomach using large-bore needles it was for rabies -- if it was in the arm or arse it was tetanus.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 18:35, closed)

I had to have a rabies vaccine before going on a school trip once (true, actually).
IIRC, it was quite a nice fuschia pink colour. And I blacked out while leaving the doctor's surgery. They gave me tea and Cadbury's fingers while I got myself together. So it was worth it in the end.

The irony was that I wasn't bitten by a rabid animal once while on the trip. Although I have a vague memory of having to cross the road to avoid one...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 19:43, closed)

Tetanus then!

( rofl harris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 20:28, closed)

there's a variation called an Ironman where you do 2 in a row,
and do both eyes and nostrils. You can't see and both nostrils are streaming.

I don't know why I used to do them. Repeatedly. Actually, I suppose it was probably cos I had contacts so it was very slightly less unpleasant for me than the mates I did them with. Victory?

No.

Oh, and excellent story. *Clicky*
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 17:04, closed)

That's incomprehensibly silly.
I hope you don't mind me saying so.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 19:44, closed)

Not at all
It was very silly. I don't do it anymore.

Was when we first started going out, so I think that it was a 'ooooh, aren't we hard!' type thing.

We grew up.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Sat 26 Mar 2011, 11:00, closed)

Also known as
"Tequila Stuntman" - two variations therein.
1) Do the whole thing whilst "surfing" on a table or, better still with a friendly pub, the bar.
2) Snort the salt, eat the lemon, stick the tequila in your eye. I've not actually done this, just seen it done once by someone who rather misunderstood the original method.

Lime makes it ten times worse.
(MightyX5 living on a small island on, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 9:26, closed)