Car running that nearly went wrong
A few summers ago some friends and I were out enjoying the long evening on Wimbledon Common. We'd been drinking for much of the day and as the sun light faded we decided it was time to move on.

We decided that rather than walk down Wimbledon Hill, we'd take a back street then nip over the railway bridge to take us to Wimbledon Chase for a pint or two. No point going through town if we didn't need to.

So the back road we decided to take was a pretty steep hill and about half way down I hit on the idea that we should go car running. Now, for those unfamiliar with this game, the idea is simple. One person takes each side of the road and lines up behind a parked car, then both people run as fast as they can over the tops of all the cars on their side of the road to the end of the road, the first there is the winner. Simple.

That is until you add a massive hill, a soft top car and a scaredy cat opponent who bails as you speed off running over every car in front of you.

As I neared the bottom of the hill, some 20 cars later and loud shout came from the road behind. Running down the road behind were two incredibly burly guys. In fact they weren't shouting, they were screaming blue murder in our - I mean, my - direction.

Our group started bombing it down the hill and at the bottom where there is a t junction most went right, whilst a friend and I took the left. We thought running left at the bottom of the hill was the smartest idea, we'd still be able to get to the railway bridge and avoid capture.

The plan was being executed perfectly until the amount of alcohol in my system kicked in and my running turned into a jog. The burly men caught up with us in no time, swung me round on my heels and produced black wallets from no-where.

'We're cops, and you've just f*cked up my soft top!'

A bit of poo ran down my leg. We were busted good and proper. All I could think was how I was going to explain this to my girlfriend when she found out, she always finds out.

Then my friend had what can only be called a moment of total clarity and produced the best time reponse possible...

'Can I see those badges again?'

Our assailants went white, they had tried to scam us and get us to go back with them to get a kicking and somehow the tables had been turned.

I was guilty of trashing their car for sure, but they weren't cops, for all they knew we were just two guys running late one evening whilst battered. A small exchange followed in which we protested our innocence, we were just out running.

'These aren't the droids you're looking for...' and all that. They bought it, god knows why. Maybe it was the fact they had tried the old 'we're cops, you're coming with us' routine and it had back fired. Who cares!

As we turned around, neither of us could believe what had just happened. We gingerly walked off and over the railway bridge in search of another pub and beer to calm our beating hearts.
(Wandering Kiev, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:02, 23 replies)

you fucking gobshites.
they should have kicked the shit out of you.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:05, closed)

^ Yes

(Schindler's Wrist Brimful of asha and a P45, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:22, closed)

^What Bitchtits said^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:26, closed)

^What Mong the Merciless said^

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:48, closed)

^What Mnnnngh said^

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:48, closed)

^What this fat spazmo said^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:54, closed)

Yep
A mate of mine had some wanker do this in his street, ran over the neighbours' cars but unfortunately misjudged the bull bar on the front of his old land rover and managed to fall/face-plant/crotch-impale/leg-tangle-ankle-snap into the front end, doing precisely zero damage to the car but what looked like quite a lot to himself.

The neighbour who witnessed it couldn't stop laughing long enough to go outside and kick him while he was down.
(fridgefreezer inserted a topical reference into his sig on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 16:22, closed)

Either that is the worst first post a new B3tan has ever made
or you are a regular and set up the account last week to post this because you knew you were a cunt.

I suspect the latter.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:45, closed)

Is it you Scarpe?
You could be double bluffing.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:47, closed)

or
stubble fluffing.
(nappy rash, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:50, closed)

Or
Bubble huffing.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:52, closed)

I could.
But trust me, if I had been drinking 'most of the day' I would be in no fit state to run anywhere, let alone over a car.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:54, closed)

don't worry about it my old garlic-filled chicken breast fillet
you're alright
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:51, closed)

right.
my car's shit, I treat it like shit, haven't cleaned it in over 18 months. it's valued at 200 on my insurance, yet I still think you're a bellend.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 17:00, closed)

18 months?
You amateur. I've not cleaned mine since 2004.

And I didn't even clean it then. I lent it to my mother while I was on holiday, and she was so disgusted she cleaned it for me...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 18:50, closed)

Yep, the angry mob is right:
you're a twat, who richly deserved the kicking you somehow avoided.

Still, at least you were running drunk, rather than driving drunk, I suppose.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 19:20, closed)

I wasn't actually angry.
But now you've gone and got a Kaiser Chiefs song stuck in my head, which makes me fucking furious.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 20:09, closed)

Grr.
scarpe smash!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 9:11, closed)

I hardly ever post here but felt the need to.
It's arseholes like you that have no respect for other people's property that is the problem with society nowadays.

Next time, do it on the fucking motorway.
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 19:38, closed)

I'd
have given you a kicking in the street. So would most people. I smell bullshit.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 20:41, closed)

Too true.
I certainly would have given them a slap.

Why do fuckwits always use the excuse they were a bit drunk, as if it negates any responsibility for their actions?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 7:50, closed)

how come everyone is more cross about this
than the guy who admitted he drove drunk three times?
(jennymnemonic, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 9:17, closed)

It only seems like that
Because the story relates to someone that got caught in the act. We're put in the situation that we are there when this happens, so we'd obviously exact some sort of revenge.

The drink-driving stories are far worse, but don't mention anyone being there to do anything about it. Personally if I was with someone that got mowed down by a drink-driver, it would be a toss-up between handing them over to the police straight away, or beating the shit out of them first.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 9:59, closed)