i LOL'd hard at badger bollocking gonz for his amazon intrusion
what horrifically inaccurate spam do you get? i get a metric fucktonne of people offering to extend my cock length and two dumbasses in america giving my email address out instead of theirs. which was great fun when one of them signed me up for a 50+ dating website for black people in new york. i would have been a disappointment on many levels.

alt: words for monty to slip into his mediation. i am going for "**** is a drug-addled fuck monkey". anything more subtle?

altalt: lunch? i had a curried egg and cheese bagel. it was as good as it sounds.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 14:12, 134 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

HEY YOU GAAA-AAYS!!!!
Children's films: which did you love as a child and have they stood the test of time?

Tedious nonce jokes will result in death by firing squad. Speaking of which I was surprised to read in today's Metro the various punishments for being a bender in different countries. You get 25 years for being a bummer in Trinidad*.

And when I say 'you' I mean YOU.

Alt: NOMMY CAYKE, ZOMBIES AND KITTENS WITH LASER EYES!!! KUNT AND THE GANG!!!!!


*insert your own 'penal colony' joke here if you feel you have to
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:52, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Just for this thread
I'd like to see more piss-taking, bullying and inevitable strikethroughlolz.
I also feel that a question may be needed so, how do you start the day?

Alt: Comfort food what’s best?
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/the-rich-list-bill-grangers-warming-stews-8476269.html

Alt:alt: Mindpiss, what last piece information that shocked the hell out of you?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 8:30, 210 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Just for this thread
I'd like to suspend the normal piss-taking, bullying and inevitable strikethroughlolz and hope all goes well for Monty (and his daughter) today.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 7:49, 31 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bon soir le Off Topic
so wassup?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 19:45, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Please help me get through the next 40 mins.
I am properly dying now. I've been awake for a veeeeeery long time and coffee ent even touching the sides any more.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 17:19, 40 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New armagoddamnmotherfuckinggeddon thread
Ms Foxtrot has the Norovirus. According to all the wise sources, my chances of avoiding the same are slimmer than Monty's pay packet after outgoings. What advice would you give me, of a non-DYAAKY nature?

Alt: Best/worst/funniest illness stories

AltAlt: Gay marriage law should get passed today, who wants an invite?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 15:27, 173 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bored food thread.
My pal's old flatmate used to have the most insane meals ever. Completely unrelated things on a plate, like some salad, some Doritos, a couple of digestive biscuits and a yoghurt. Kind of like 'mental breakdown tapas'.

What weird shit do you like eating that most would find peculiar? My mother serves hot Kettle Chips with Christmas dinner.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 14:02, 266 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Interviews money and jobs oh my.
I'm posting this because it didn't get enough attention yesterday.

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/feb/01/artist-cheque-milton-keynes-gallery

So is this a big con, is it worth me having a look around tonight?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 12:32, 142 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Please shut up about sport.
Thank you.

What's the worst job in the world?

Alt: What's the best?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 11:51, 35 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Money money money.
How are you about money? One of the contractors in the pub was shocked when he came in to my office and saw a few grand lying around on the desk after the busy weekend, and said I should be more careful. I guess after all this time handling cash I just sort of forget that it's actually terribly valuable. Do you carry a lot if cash? I see guys in the pub quite often with huge rolls of twenties that are ripe for a good mugging.
I'm a bit funny with my own money, I have to have at least a fiver in my wallet or I get worried. Do you have a thing?

Alt; smelly smelly why are you so smelly.

Altalt. No.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:55, 196 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

On Friday this week I am being interviewed by the board of a charity to become a Trustee.
Ever experienced a shockingly bad interview?

What questions do you ask when you’re interviewing someone?

What questions would you ask a B3tan if you were to interview them for a job?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:06, 128 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Does Jeffthedogfucker REALLY fuck dogs?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 0:34, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Best insult you've heard?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 16:20, 115 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Strangest thing you've bought/sold
GO!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 14:55, 120 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So, pompous, smug, pretentious wankstain Alain de Botton has composed a kind of Ten Commandments for atheists.
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/10-new-virtues-for-atheists-alain-de-botton-unveils-new-manifesto-8479256.html

What do you make of them? Got any better suggestions for a modern day/internet ten commandments?

I'll start:

1. NO WHISKY CHAT
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 13:58, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Just went to the post box and sent Monty a DVD
This is the third thing I have sent Monty and he has never replied, probably because the povo bastard can't afford the 60p for a first class stamp. "60p is like a million pounds to me boss" etc.

Have you ever sent any b3tans anything through the post?

Alt. Was it a turd?

feel free to stomp this, I just wanted to tell Monty publicly that IT'S IN THE POST!
( Peej, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 12:45, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I think we need a new thread without certain words in the title.
How was your weekend?

Mine was very good, but I did have to leave a party early after having my first hash for 9 months and then thinking everyone was staring at me for what felt like 4 hours. But was actually about 10 minutes.

How was yours?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 11:37, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 11:04, 8 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I've been reading about this,
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/feb/03/police-spies-identities-dead-children

I can't decide if it's a big deal. What do you think?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 4 Feb 2013, 10:12, 158 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Wake the fuck up.
So, Monday yeah? Cool. What's happening to you this week? Dreading anything? Looking forward to anything?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 7:42, 180 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Shut the fuck up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 20:05, 17 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Whatsa matta you, hey?
Gotta no respect,
Whatta you think you do
Why you looka so sad?
It's-a not so bad,
it's-a nice-a place
Ah, shaddap you face!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 19:09, 24 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What sort of cunt says 'smexy time'?
Alt: wankers.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 15:54, 20 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fish and all things fishy
What are your thoughts on fish?

Alt:Who's had Smexy time latey?

Alt:alt:BACON?????

The first alt is for cavy 3rd date and all with dog hair
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 11:08, 78 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

This week has been a good one for me
New job offer accepted. Viewing a new flat today. My big brother has new job starting Monday. Youngest daughter moves into her new flat today. The omens are all good for 2013!
Tell me dear B3TANs, how's your week been - good, bad or meh?
Alt: Predict the next flounce.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 9:45, 21 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

For fuck's sake.
All I want to do is watch a documentary about Fairport Convention. Why won't the cunt load?

Alt: Fuck off Monty, Fairport were way better than Hawkwind, you hippy cunt.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 0:30, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

God. Why aren't you dead yet? You're so unfair. God.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 2 Feb 2013, 12:52, 43 replies, latest was 12 years ago)