No bridge, no chopper, no diver.
Just sharks.

I blame network TV for this- so many shows have jumped the shark that they killed it, then had to find another... and another... and another...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Jul 2008, 17:03, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

i had a brill weekend.
My weekend was fantastic. Plans that were made early in the week all fell apart on Friday afternoon, and the weekend's activities were made up as we went along, culminating in a last minute decision to go to a fancy dress party, and fashioning something half decent to wear from stuff around the house.

I then got absolutely plastered. Again.

Why is it that nights out which are unplanned and that you don't look forward to always turn out the best?

Should I be posting this on /talk?

If I ask any more questions at the end of this post, is it too many? ...
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Mon 14 Jul 2008, 14:49, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Don't drink and mine folks
Drunk Miner

One of the men in the clip has been drinking. See if you can quess which one.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 14 Jul 2008, 14:23, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello...
I'm only a lurker, really, so do flame away* - but am I the only one who finds much of this "offtopic" board much too fluffy much of the time?

Just wondering'


*Actally, flaming might be good - variety being the spice of life!
(Gravity's Raincoat, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 12:54, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MY iPOD HAS BEEN FOUND!!!
Some of you may remember that during the Tales of the Unexpected QOTW I posted about losing my notebook and iPod. I looked everywhere and couldn't figure out where they could have disappeared to - unless they had been stolen.

Many people suggested I offer up prayers to St.Jude or the 'house spirits'. I'm usually a very rational person but I'd reached the point where I would try anything.

Within a day my notebook appeared in the passenger footwell of my car. It had never been put in my car - I'd just come back from Scotland and hadn't taken my car - they both disappeared on the return journey.

Then yesterday I went climbing with PJM and he was putting his wallet and 'phone into my backpack when what should he find...my iPod.

I had looked in my backpack I'm sure....


I am now very pleased to be able to listen to Radio 4 podcasts in the privacy of my car again.

All is right with the world.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:55, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Politically incorrect
As this is B3TA, I may well be in exactly the wrong place to ask this question but, here goes!

How far past good taste are Stephen Lynch and Kevin Bloody Wilson?

I ask because Pooflake and me have quite a few of the aforementioned artists' songs in our 'parental guidance' set. I have a feeling we may be going just a tad too far.

Any thoughts?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 9:36, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yes, I know it's Monday
which is crap, but let's have a chat thread anyway.



How is everyone after the weekend?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 8:51, 218 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Every day is like Sunday
especially this one.

Stop your IRL involvement and come and have a chat here.


( thealternativefact, Sun 13 Jul 2008, 19:07, 169 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Afternoon all.
How are things? (it's seeming quite quiet here).

I start a new job tomorrow and have the fear!
(The Oncoming Storm, Sun 13 Jul 2008, 17:09, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

An Ode to Pizza

You're round,
cost a pound,
can be found,
in the ground.

You're growing roots,
sprouting shoots,
are in cahoots
with a pair of boots.

The boots fit.
You're so close-knit.
But you've got to admit
you don't speak Sanskrit.

In the name of Allah,
why do you taste like balsa?
Is it bad Karma,
or were you made by Brahma?

You were meant to be eaten
but your base looks wheaten.
Your toppings look beaten.
Maybe I should sweeten.

Your smelliest topping
smells like a dropping.
I suggest you go shopping
and go teeny bopping.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 13 Jul 2008, 13:34, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

shit!
not literally, but shit, how embarrassing... going to a bbq tonight, so i said i'd make some salads. the friends who'd come here first to travel together were annoying my pasta/potato/rice boiling (i use the term "salad" very loosely. shameless carbs with vegetables and different flavoured cheeses and mayonnaises would be much more apt) system, so i packed them off to the pub and put the radio on.

oooh, portishead, not heard that for years. turn it up. sing along. aha, handy cucumber, makes a perfect microphone. sing along. bit louder, noone's home, turn it up again. sing along.

sway slowly whilst chopping, then turn around with a flourish - only to find two of the girls had come back for something. to see me. covered in mayonnaise and feta cheese, warbling to a cucumber that it had to "give me a reeeeeasoon to beeeee a woman....."

now they won't stop laughing at me. i think they may be hinting i was planning to do something unsavoury with it, other than chop it up and put it in the salad. how gross.

obviously that was what the courgette was for!

but seriously, everyone sings when they cook, don't they??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 16:12, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What will you be listening to tonight?
Either staying in, going to a club, having/going to a party etc, what will you be listening to?

Would be interested to hear what most b3tans like.

For me it will be mostly electronica/house: Justice, Roman Salzger, Tocadisco, SebastiAn etc.

And then when I get home probably a mix off my hifi, so anything from Roxy Music to Oasis to Kate Bush to Led Zep to Daft Punk to Motown :D
(Lannes, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 13:33, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saturday Mission Suggestions
morning all, my housemate and i are bored and quite hyper as we've both consumed a metric fuck-ton of black coffee and are in the need of something to do. These missions must be interesting, amusing and achievable. I live in Stoke-on-Trent so there isn't a great deal in the way of local attractions. Any suggestions would be most welcome. i thank you.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 10:45, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Friday Night Shenanigans
should be displayed here for all to see.


( thealternativefact, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 19:39, 200 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

mike woz ere

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 18:39, Reply)

Captn Hood-Butter also bums men.
Its true you know.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 18:39, Reply)

Mykey is fat LOL

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 18:37, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Baldmonkey bums men.
We have proof.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 18:36, Reply)

Good afternoon, subjects.
One is now back from one's sojurn in the country. The royal father successfully turned 64 without any mishaps. And the pie was delicious. Tip top!

Anyway, how are we all today?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 15:50, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

QOTW drinking game
Seeing that several of us like to get drunk in front of QOTW, I thought we should discuss the rules for a QOTW drinking game. I've come up with a few rules. Suggestions for more rules are welcome.

Take some sips of your drink if you see any of the following (the number in brackets is the number of sips to take):

+ A story that's just a reference to one or more pervious QOTWs (2)
+ A story in which the author plays the role of the antagonist in an other story (4)
+ Any reference to Wednesday, 4pm (2)
+ Any other reference to the 'sacred calendar' (3)
+ A pun (2, +1 if it's good)
+ A length joke (1, +2 if it's funny)
+ Poster annoys you (3)
+ Replier annoys you (4)
+ Two posters flirting with eachother (1, +1 for each additional poster joining in the fun)
+ Someone mentions goats (1)
+ Someone mentions cake (1)
+ Someone mentions something involving goats and cake (3)
+ Someone whingeing about the current QOTW being crap (2)
+ Someone announces that the postcount of a thread has reached a numerical milestone (1, +1 if it's not a base-10 number)
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 15:33, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

shakespeare
went to "twelfth night" at the open air theatre in regents park last night. i did a year of shakespeare at uni, and it's one of my favourite plays even if it has been done to death.

but oh my god the poncey muppetry i could hear in the conversations at the bar at half time. not to mention the hundreds of people who didn't understand a word of what was going on! which, sad to say, included half of my friends.

so the token boy who was with us propounded the theory that shakespeare is like the emperor's new clothes - everyone pretends to love it, but noone really gets it.

what do you lot think??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 10:06, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One day left
Til the weekend kids...what are your plans for today? I'm starting work late and will mostly be doing the lovely job of filing again as we've only got one vet on and no ops booked.


( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:12, 161 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Out of the 30 posts chosen for this QOTW
18 fucking answers have been jokes/puns/rick rolls or pure fiction.

Luckily I've learnt to spot when a story is heading this way, but it's frustrating looking forward to reading interesting stories for the QOTW and find it dominated by shite puns (voted for by the cliques), reused jokes or just pure bs!

We all appreciate good puns (and bad!), jokes and the like, but do we have to click them every week? Can you not just put "Hah, well done you got me again" in the replies section, please, so the rest of us can enjoy some decent on topic answers for the QOTW, rather than the bored pish you lot post because you haven't got other forums to post on.

/rant.
(Lannes, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 4:08, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sexyteim Story
I've been told by Maladicta to post this. I understand I have to post the story as a reply?
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 22:12, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

London QOTW minibash - Tuesday July 22nd
I still don't know whether or not I'll be getting an interview, but as it's getting closer to the date, I've decided just to go for it and make a decision for which date to pick. I went for the earlier date so I've got the flexibility to go to more interviews if I get any, and decided that if I don't get one, I'll explore Bath and Bristol.

Here is the calendar entry for the London minibash.

So be there or be a certain shape with four co-planar vertices and orthogonal edges.

Length? All edges are equal.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 20:44, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)