Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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*awaits chocolate*(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:48,
1 reply,
15 years ago)
Oh boy, I fucking love firing things across large distances.The flaming trebuchet at Warwick Castle almost made me spunk my shorts.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:51,
Reply)
In my last job, at a mail order companyWe had all manner of problems with Roayl Fail so I suggested building a gigantic laser-guided trebuchet in the car park to solve all our delivery issues. Management were unimpressed. They didn't implement the moron filter on the phones that I suggested either. Apparently it would have resulted in us going out of business
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:53, Reply)
Simple reallyWhen anyone called the number on the website to place an order/ask for technical details/chase up delivery/complain, any of which I'm happy to deal with as longas the person isn't a cunt or a fucktard, they'd have to answer some simple questions to establish their level of retardation. That way I could be sure of avoiding twats in my day job.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:57, Reply)
I've banned some customers from speaking to meBecause they're fucking idiots.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:58, Reply)
I stole a phone that displays the number of incoming calls at workI ignore any that come from an 0161 currently, as it's never for me.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:00,
Reply)
And the team that Mancs support is better than yours nowOnly until next year though, when they still haven't won owt and the Sheiks take their oil money and fuck off, bored. They'll be in League Two by 2015
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)
If only I could give that reason for not answeringThere are about 50 people who work in the same company as me. There's 3 Liverpool fans, the rest are all either United or City.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:09,
Reply)
I hope you invoke the "Gloryhunter" ruleWhich states that no-one who supports a more successful club from another town is allowed to discuss football with you
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:17, Reply)
We're mainly alright about it, good bit of banterLast year before the 4-1 win was fantastic, one of the lads claimed United were "Going to teach you lot how to play football". On Monday, I didn't need to say anything to him, he was fucking fuming.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:22,
Reply)
Even I was pissing myself after that resultI hate United even more than I hate Liverpool. Nothing personal, but the only time in my life when Forest were actually a top three club, you lot were fucking winning everything
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)
I've done that in the pastAs a general rule, if you can persuade your manager that the customer in question is bang out of order and a cunt, they'll speak to them for you
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:03, Reply)
No, I don't mean like thatThere's some people who come into the pub who literally aren't allowed to speak to me other than to order a drink because they're idiots.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:08, Reply)
If all the customers who tried to sex me weren't allowed to speak to meThe pub would be silent.
No, they're just massive idiots. One in particular. He phoned the pub from his mobile the other day when he was sat five foot away from me to ask me to phone him a taxi.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)
He also regularly tries to start debates with meSaying things like "all these illegal immigrants, coming over here and stealing our benefits" and "all these asylum seekers, coming over here and stealing our jobs". The man is a gigantic belming retard.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:22, Reply)
JebusSo this is his idea of engaging a politically active woman who is obviously vastly more intelligent than him... you must be positively dripping every time he drains his pint
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:25, Reply)
He's supposedly my dad's 'mate'Given that he tried to get in my dad's wife's knickers a day before the wedding, and tried to fuck both his daughters, I feel that the definition is somewhat strained.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:27, Reply)
What a champion fellowNext InFest I'm going to find your pub, have a drink with him, slip some powerful laxatives and muscle relaxants into his pint and calculate minimum safe distance
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:33, Reply)
I'm not coming to your pub more than onceUnless it's in one of those very small areas of Bradford where I won't get the shit kicked out of me for having piercings
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)
I live in the nice partPlus, I have 21 piercings, my sister has at least 10, and we work there unscathed.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)
Yes, but you're hot, aren't youI've been to Bradford plenty of times and have never felt comfortable walking down the street
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)
Just mention loudly about t owld days watching Bratfud Northern at OdsalEllery Hanley eh what a player 'e wa.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Like I said, I live in a nice areaNot particularly stabby or anything. Though there was that terrible trouble with the bloke from two streets up who enjoyed staving hookers heads in with a ball-pein hammer.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)
As long as I leave my hooker gear at home I should be fine thenI'll text you when I get there so you can have a pint poured before I get through the door, like
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)
What, in Bradford?I'm stunned. Do you think you could mix me half a pint of beer topped up with another half?
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)
What have you got?Budweiser ideally but I appreciate that's a rarity
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)
I have surprisingly refined tastesYou can take that as a compliment if you like
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)
Plus, seriously? Budweiser?What (apart from the obvious) is actually wrong with you?
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)
I like Budweiser from time to timeI prefer Stella though, that is God in bottled form.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:25,
Reply)
There are much, much better bottled lagersBudvar, Peroni and Desperados, to name three.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Peroni Gran Riserva is the donAnd Tyskie is nice. I'm a bitter man myself. *mutters, plots revenge*
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:28,
Reply)
Real ale I can do.Three constantly rotating real ales, all from local breweries. Yum. We're in The Good Beer Guide and everything.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)
I look forward to sampling your ales.Stupid boss sneaking up on me
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:32,
Reply)
Desperados are vilePeroni is magnificent, one of my favourites, but it's so much better on draught. I still love Budvar, but the place I used to drink it in now serves pints of Tiger, which are magnificent, so I drink that instead.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:30,
Reply)
I wish it was sunny :(I can't wait to drink cold lager in a hot beer garden again. Winter is shit and makes me fat.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)
She takes her belming very seriously, drooling and all.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:28,
Reply)
That sounds terrifyingI mean I like chocolate just as much, if not more, than the next person, but I don't want it bukkake-style.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:51, Reply)
Whichever way you look at it, brown spunk is wrong.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 8:58,
Reply)
What, the image of me being jizzed onor the image of me being covered in chocolate? Either way it's wrong and I worry about you...
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:07, Reply)
I really don't see what's wrong with the image of you covered in chocolate(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:16, Reply)
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