that if i wash my fancy designer cream bedding
with a rogue aubergine coloured pillowcase that sneaked in somehow, the whole lot will turn PINK. total woman-fail here :(

i know it's wrong and karma will probably repay me by biting my arse off in an ironic fashion, but i have an utter terror and phobia of amptation. shudder.

as for eating a b3tan, i'm a vegetarian, so i only put any meat in my mouth under very special circumstances. [edit - just saw that. stand still and let me serve you with these online DIVORCE papers]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:11, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Ha!
BJlols.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Oh boy...divorce
guess we should divide up our online chattels
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:14, Reply)

check the pre-nup
there's no division, it all just automatically comes to me, and you deserve to be out there in the cold, it's not as cold outside as you and your vegetarian-bashing ways...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Pre-nup? Sheeeeeet
this is what I get for marrying a lawyer. Well i've read a John Grisham book so I reckon I could take you on.

Isn't there a saying, "A man who represents himself in a court of law has an AWESOME client".

This can only turn out well.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:22, Reply)

you're not allowed to make me laugh
so that i beg you to take me back. it doesn't work that way, ok?

pleeeeease??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:26, Reply)

How could we ever online-divorce from our online-marriage?
we're online-perfect for each other!

*sings 'together forever' by Jason & Kylie*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:32, Reply)

d'you mean "especially for you" ?
(i wish i did not know this, i also wish i was not now singing it inside my head)

how amazingly online-romantic, it is lucky i am already sitting down, otherwise i would have swooned right onto my sofa. let's never fight again, mmm-kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Am I getting my 80's vom-fests mixed up?
Yes, let us never fight again darling, let us agree that should we ever find ourselves in Lampito's hypothetical situation, we'll kill everyone straight away ensuring plenty of food for the duration.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:40, Reply)

or.......
we could have been so busy "making up" after our fight that we didn't get there in time, meaning that the b3ta island floated away without us, and we were free to go shopping at waitrose. how does that sound?

no bacon, though. you know how i am about bacon, even if you do feel that you have earned it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:44, Reply)

An excellent plan
I went to Waitrose for the first time (as an adult) a few weeks ago. I loved the big spaces in the car park and the cat food was cheaper than Tesco.

AND I saw a woman wearing an eyepatch. I didn't say "Yarrrr" to her though.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:49, Reply)

i'm going to gloss over the fact that waitrose provoked much more excitement than lots of make-up sex
and say that waitrose is totally the way forward, their stuff just looks cooler in the fridge/cupboard than tesco or sainsburys, somehow.

probably for the best you avoided temptation, you don't want to be banned from the land of amazing houmous and lemon meringue cheesecake.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I also saw a food magazine caled "Yum!" and my brain read it as "Your Mum!"
I started giggling, realised I spent too much time on B3ta, paid for my goods and banished myself to Tesco for the rest of my shop.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:57, Reply)

it is worrying when b3ta invades real life
sometimes i find myself having to bite back something totally inappropriate that everyone on here would get, but that would have me stoned and burned as a witch in real company.

chin up though darling colonel, i don't think your crime was bad enough to be banished to tesco. morrisons, maybe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)

But surely you like pink? :P
Oh no, I'm joking. I feel your pain. That's dreadful :/ I just have cheap bedding, I'm the only one who sees it, after all.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:14, Reply)

i like random things to be pink, like my fridge
but badly dyed pale pink bedding that cost me a fortune, not so much, argh!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Can you get things like that out nowadays?
I've no idea.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)

if it had been white
i might have considered bleaching it, but cream would get knackered. i'm just going to have to wash it 137 times and see what happens. doom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:20, Reply)

At least you have a working washing machine.
The one in London is on its last legs and the dryer up here is broken -weeps-
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)

sort of
it does work but i am so impatient that i tried to open the door when it was still locked and broke the handle. you need a certain screwdriver to get in there. ditto the dishwasher looks similarly trampy. i need new ones, but i cannot work out the whole replacement of integrated items thing.

dryers are bad for your clothes, is the only silver lining i can see there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I was going to point this out
But then didn't really want to get hit.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:23, Reply)

i never hit anyone
i'll just give you the icy shoulder treatment. humph.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Or a beating with a baguette
How was Christmas abroad?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:26, Reply)

amazing thank you
it is pretty shockingly shit to be home, and work tomorrow as well!

luckily i am being taken off for a nice curry tonight. how about you, did you have lots of fun?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Fairly quiet weekend
Friends down from the city yesterday, back to freelance work today so I can get it done by the end of the week.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:41, Reply)

quiet weekends are the way forward
my jan resolution is going to be no going out or drinking for a month.... just the gym EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

let's see how many days i can stick that out for.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 16:48, Reply)

bugger
I should've asked for a gym renewal at Christmas :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 17:08, Reply)

they'll all be cheap in jan
but you don't need one in oxford anyway, you can tone up sooooo much just by walking everywhere. my friend just got back from a year in dusseldorf where she walked to everything, she looks like a bloody supermodel!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I don't have enough motivation
to walk everywhere! But if I pay for the gym then I'll make myself go
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)

the personal trainer makes me go
if i am having a bad week of not going, once i have been to see her, it then motivates me to go again the next day. but it's not cheap - my gym is about 80quid a month, then she is about 200quid a month for four sessions, i think.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)

That's rather a lot
My place is about £35 a month I think, but it gets the job done,
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)