i am
and hating it, jamaica was much better than this. also haven't really opened any presents yet because both sisters-in-law are in bed with 'flu. other problems:

(i) i somehow managed to text my entire contacts list (300+ people, inc a lot of colleagues and clients) instead of the selected few with a rather effusive "happy christmas" message at 3am uk time after one too many cocktails. at about £1 per text message, i am dreading my phonebill this month.

(ii) my dad's christmas present to me this year was a house. a holiday cottage in cornwall, to be precise. which is obviously the most amazing thing, but i was really ungrateful because it (choice, developer, furnishings) has a lot to do with this woman he has been seeing for ages whom i literally can't stand, and... urgh, i don't think i handled it very well!

hope you all had lots of fun, any exciting news from anyone??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 9:59, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That's rather a nice present.
I hope you can overcome the unpleasant associations and learn to appreciate it.

If not, I'll have it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

it is, a bit overwhelming really, but i do think it's great
and it'll be let out for most of the year anyway, so a nice bit of extra income. it's just the fact that She helped him choose it and everything in it, not my mum... and She is so utterly vile! also the main reason for buying it was for inheritance tax reasons, which then makes me think of something happening to my dad as well, which in turn makes me go cold and sick.

gah, you'd think i'd just say "brilliant, see you on the beach," like my brothers did, wouldn't you?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I understand your reasons for not being as pleased as you'd hope you'd be.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

the real reason is that he wants to sell the family home this year
and buy something smaller. which i suspect and am terrified will be with her. she makes the flesh crawl off my bones, she really does! i've known her since i was 7 as she is the mother of one of my best mates, so this isn't a childish "it's not my mummy" thing, it's a genuine "i can't stand the useless gold-digging whore" thing.

oh well. on a much more cheerful note, i am finally going to organise a bash, i was thinking maybe the last sat in june so that we could all go somewhere with a nice roof terrace/beer garden, what do you think??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Get to it, dear heart.
I would appreciate it not being in Kensington/Chelsea/Fulham as my mustard cords, rugger shirt with upturned collar and ghastly personality are all in the wash at the moment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

This.
Also please bear in mind that if you actually want people to go, I'd recommend somewhere that charges under £4 for a pint.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

one of my clients is a chain of pubs
if they have anywhere suitable/available i might be able to squeeze a deal out of them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

ha, well it depends how many people can come
if it's 20 or less, we can just do it at mine, which although it is kensington, mustard cords are optional - just thought it would be cheaper for everyone (except me, but that doesn't matter!). if there's more than 20 we'd be a bit cramped, in which case i was thinking maybe of a pub in inner temple, which then has the whole of the inner temple gardens outside it, it's gorgeous?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Both sound excellent to me.
If it's at yours people will bring their own drinks, you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

oh i am sure
but i'd still be providing many drinks and food, that's what good hostesses do!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

All these peasants require
is a fridge and some cheesy wotsits.

Spend your budget on XO cognac for me. I really will appreciate it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

well, plan b
is a pub bash and then an after-party back at mine for those who can handle carrying on. wotsits and cognac optional.

this might work better?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I am quivering with anticipation*.


*or delerium tremens. I'm unsure.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Probably the latter Monty.
I had what I think was the best part of two bottles of red wine last night and didn't feel even slightly pissed. I think I'm becoming immune.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I smoked nothing
and took no drugs, hard nor soft, for five days. Drink aside, I am thoroughly detoxed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Is this a record?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

It might well be.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

del-i-rium tremens - has it affected your typing?!
i expect spelling errors from some of the clowns in this circus, but never from you!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I am ashamed.
*gets in car, doors fall off*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I think you should leave the room and think about what you've done for a minute.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I'll be in the Malt & Hops.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

If you put it on the calendar
You'll probably get more than 20 sign up. I think there were at least 35 at my last one.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

i always forget the calendar exists
good idea!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

The downside of the calendar
is that any old Tom, Dick or Monty will sign up, though...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

monty better had sign up or i won't be responsible for my actions
have just been texting the awesome rakky, she is going to confirm whether she can do my proposed date of sat 25 june, and if so, unless any of you lot already know that this date doesn't suit, i will put it in the calendar.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

As far as I am aware
this date won't clash with anything for us.

Where is Rakky these days?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

bristol and working her little socks off
she is on great form, as always.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Brizzle seems to be a mini mecca for b3tans.
And it would be awesome to see her again.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Well, he thinks he's going to live at least another 7 years
so I wouldn't upset yourself too much

"DO YOU need piss poor counselling advice from somebody trained in another profession? Call 0800-ACCOUNTANT today!"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

this DID cheer me up, a LOT.

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I'm a little ray of sunshine me
a little, red eyed puky feeling like shit, ray of sunshine
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

you still look beautiful to me

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Awwww thanks
the back of my eyes ache. That's really fucked up.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

did you have that feeling
when you opened your eyes when you thought "actually i feel ok" - only to try and sit up to have the fact that this is horseshit rammed down your throat?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I'm sory 4 ur looss

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I am more than happy to swap it for the herb chopper my brother got me
No? How about *rummages through presents* a potato ricer? A Kick-Ass T-shirt? A thermos flask? A pair of toe-socks?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

...and a BLANKETY-BLANK CHEQUE BOOK AND PEN!
"Super match game, super match game, SUPER-MATCH-GAME!"


i need help
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

bit of a late one last night, was it?
i went to the gym for 2 hours and then drove when i went out, so i can afford to feel all smug!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Tuesday is my snooker night
and my older brother was there. He always leads me astray when it comes to drink.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

oh dear
but did you win?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Nah
I'm crap at snooker. I've only been playing it on a weekly basis for 10 years. I'll probably improve at some point.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

i would love to be one of those girls who is cool at pool
but i suck like you wouldn't believe
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Excellent news
*unzips*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

haha
but you wouldn't be so profligate with it if you'd seen how i handle a pool cue
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Try turning it round and using the fat end, etc.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

i am now picturing you with a priapic pyramid

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

It's geodesic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)